Life Is Short. Have An Affair

Ashley Madison: Sex, Lies & Scandal, the latest Netflix original, delves into the murky realm of online adultery and reveals startling facts about the notorious website that caused a stir in the history of the internet. From suicides to lying YouTubers and a mysterious hacking team, this captivating three-party docuseries explores the meteoric rise and spectacular fall of Ashley Madison, leaving no stone unturned.

A Brief History of Ashley Madison

Ashley Madison came crashing into the world in 2002, touting a daring and provocative mission: to facilitate extramarital affairs. Unlike more conventional dating platforms, Ashley Madison would embrace the elephant in the room. People would have affairs regardless of what dating platform or bar they were in, so why not create a space for them?

With a tagline of, "Life is short. Have an affair." Ashley Madison knew how to seduce their audience and piss off everyone else at the same time.

The company's CEO, Noel Biderman, a Canadian businessman and former sports lawyer, became the charismatic face of the brand. He'd pop up on news programmes and daytime talk shows, often with his wife by his side, pitching the site as a way to "resuscitate" relationships by covertly meeting extramarital needs.

From the word go, many people from all walks of life, including politicians, clerics, and celebrities, sought refuge at Ashley Madison. You see, despite the intense backlash for encouraging infidelity, it was the only game in town for online affairs. 

As you can imagine, due to the sordid nature of the website, advertisements for the company were hard to come by, and they were even turned down for the 2009 Super Bowl. Despite these obstacles, the number of users continued to rise.

By 2015, thirteen years after its inception, Ashley Madison boasted nearly 40 million users worldwide and projected revenues of $150 million.

The 2015 Data Breach 

About halfway through the docuseries, we delve into the catastrophic breach orchestrated by the hacking group the Impact Team.

In July 2015, the still-unknown Impact Team infiltrated Ashley Madison's servers. They accessed and publicly released the private information of over 30 million users, including names, email addresses, transactions, and credit card details.

The repercussions were immediate and severe. Users were swept up in a tide of public shame. The burden of revealed secrets caused marriages to fail. Sadly, some people couldn't endure the shame and ended their lives as a result.

Among the many affected by the Ashley Madison breach, 56-year-old John Gibson's story stands out for its tragic end. John was a 56-year-old pastor at First Southern Baptist Church and a cherished professor at New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary. He was deeply committed to his students and dedicated to his work in theological education.

However, beneath his seemingly pure persona, John was struggling with a dark secret; he was one of the millions of members of Ashley Madison. Upon hearing news of the breach, John felt his entire life was collapsing. The fear of losing his respected position and the weight of shame became unbearable for him, and he took his own life. Christi Gibson, his wife, discovered him in the garage six days following the breach.

But Christi's story didn't end in that garage. She shared the suicide note that John had written in a raw and emotional interview with CNN. "He talked about depression. He talked about having his name on there, and he said he was just very, very sorry," she said. "He offered grace and mercy and forgiveness to everyone else, but somehow he couldn't extend that to himself."

Then, fueled by the desire to transform her pain into a message of hope and forgiveness, she embarked on a personal mission. Travelling across the country in an RV, she now captures her journey and shares her story through her blog, "Come Along Ministries." Her endeavour is more than just a testament to resilience; it's a beacon of grace and forgiveness for those grappling with similar shadows.

Sam and Nia Rader

Sam and Nia Rader. Goodness, what can you say about them that they haven't already shared on their vlog?

As one of the couples featured heavily throughout all three episodes, they certainly made an impact on viewers. But probably not the impact they wanted. Frankly, Sam came across as insincere and annoying, and Nia was just plain exasperating.

Netflix takes us on a well-documented journey through the couple's YouTube career. It all started on March 10, 2014, with a video called "Good Looking Parents Sing Disney's Frozen (Love Is an Open Door)." When Sam Rader uploaded this cute, if somewhat conceitedly titled video, he probably never imagined it would quickly become a hit worldwide. News outlets and websites couldn't get enough of the Raders fantastic performance, and the video went viral, eventually amassing an impressive 23 million views.

This viral hit sent many people to the Raders family-focused YouTube page, where the Raders showcased an idyllic life brimming with love, faith, and family values.

Fast forward to August 2015, when Sam decided to share a moment that would take the internet by storm. In the video, Sam decided to find out if Nia was expecting. Sure, he could have had Nia pee on the stick, but he opted to dip the pregnancy test into a bowl of her unflushed urine instead. He proceeded to inform his astonished wife of her pregnancy. The unorthodox and deeply personal disclosure enthralled a large audience, with 1 million views in a single day, before eventually reaching 19 million views.

But with great fame came great scrutiny. Media outlets like Vanity Fair and Mic started to question the ethics behind Sam knowing about the pregnancy before Nia did. BuzzFeed even roped in a doctor to debate if you could really get a positive pregnancy test from toilet water. The whole world seemed to have an opinion, and the Raders were right in the eye of the storm.

Just three days later, the joy turned to heartbreak when the Raders announced in their video, Our Baby Had a Heartbeat, that they had suffered a miscarriage. The video has been taken down since, but the reactions were intense. Sympathy poured in, but so did scepticism, with some questioning the authenticity of their story.

As if the situation couldn't get more tumultuous, three days after the miscarriage news, it came to light that Sam had previously had an account on the controversial website Ashley Madison.

The image of the perfect family was cast into turmoil.

In the wake of the scandal, Sam posted a public apology on their channel, with Nia by his side.

In the video, appropriately titled Forgiven, Sam says to the camera, "I need to be clear that I never had an affair with anybody ever while I've been married. This account was opened out of pure fleshly desire and just simple curiosity."

Nia added, "I have forgiven Sam, and I stand behind him. This is in our past and it's unfortunate that it's being dug up now but our marriage is worth fighting for."

Some viewers praised their openness and courage, but others felt betrayed and doubted the genuineness of their earlier, wholesome content. The Raders faced swift and severe backlash, with harsh criticism from all corners of the internet.

During the documentary, to the surprise of no one but Nia, we eventually learn that Sam had not been completely truthful about his involvement with Ashley Madison. Simply put, it wasn't just looking he was doing. In short, he was indeed having affairs and even attempted to get it on with one of Nia's friends, who turned him down. 

The Fallout

After the data breach, Ashley Madison received intense backlash. Critics strongly condemned the website, not just because of its morally questionable business model, but also because it failed to adequately safeguard user data. The company acknowledged the concerns raised by users and made a commitment to enhance security measures and provide assistance to those affected.

However, for many, it was too little, too late, and many users decided to leave the platform due to worries about the potential exposure of their personal information.

Then, if that wasn't bad enough, we learn through the documentary that many of the "women" these men were chatting to were fake. Employees of the website were behind many of the fictitious female profiles. This revelation just added to further betraying customers and tarnishing an already tarnished company's reputation. 

Therefore, it should come as no surprise that multiple class-action lawsuits were filed in response to the data leak and the establishment of false profiles. The accumulation of settlements and legal fees, coupled with a sharp reduction in subscribers, caused the company to see a large decline in revenue.

Today, Ashley Madison is still going strong, and as of 2024, they have a staggering 75 million members.