It Takes a Team

There's a plethora of great cop shows out there. Personally, I like the kind of cop show that focuses on a person. “Columbo.” “Monk.” “Luther.”

But crimes aren't generally solved by a very well written distinguished character.

To paraphrase Mrs. Clinton, “It takes a team.”

And team shows seem to be divided by real life and fiction. As an example, “Law & Order SVU” has a team of investigators presented realistically dedicated to catching sexual predators. On the other hand, “NCIS: L.A.” has a team of fantasy do-gooders. It's the fictional teams we're going to inspect.

Each of these shows has almost the same elements: The person in charge, the investigators/detectives, the best shooter, the computer person, the medical examiner, the office romance, the organization they work for, and the kind of crimes they handle.

The biggest shows that have found success with this team formula are “Criminal Minds,” “NCIS,” “NCIS: Los Angeles” and “NCIS New Orleans,” “The Closer” and its spin-off “Major Case,” “CSI,” CSI: Miami,” and “CSI: New York,” “Chicago P.D.” and the remake of “Hawaii 5-0.” (They call it an “O” even though they mean a zero “0.” And hell yeah, zero is a number, and the letter “O” is not!)

Let's start with the smart people in the room. The people who we're supposed to call geeks and nerds because they are smart. (Evidently, people who are not smart call people names because they are insecure.)

This article is going to focus on the Brains and the Brawn. There will be others for the rest of the categories.

THE SMART ONES

The original “CSI” had the smartest person in all the rooms. Abby Sciuto. Abby was portrayed by Pauley Perrette as a quirky caffeine-addicted too old for her own good goth chick. There wasn't anything she didn't know. You name the degree, she may as well have it. She always knew what to look for - immediately, knew how to find her answers – immediately, and knew how to apply those answers to other answers and come up with perfect conclusions – immediately.

Abby, as was the rest of the original “NCIS” team, was seen in an episode of JAG, (JAG was about a bunch of fantasized Navy lawyers,) on April 22, 2003. “NCIS” went to series in September of that year. Abby's massive brainpower and unlimited skillset were on TV for almost 15 years.

Then, in September of 2005, CBS who was already home to “NCIS,” came up with a vicious version of “NCIS” called “Criminal Minds.” (For the moment, we're just looking at the brains of the outfits.)

Kristen Vangsness portrayed an Abby knock-off named Penelope Garcia. She was older than Abby and came off as a dowdy version of the “NCIS” version of super-smart expert. Vangsness was already 33 when the show started and they tried to dress her as some kooky college chick. (Actually, Perrette was 34 the first time we saw Abby – but she sure looked a lot younger.) Garcia always looked like the person in the office you want to stop and say, “Listen! Someone's got to say it! Stop dressing like it's Halloween for 30-somethings!” As phony as she seemed, the character possessed a heavy dose of annoying ego and holier than thou witticisms.

Anyway, how are they at their jobs? Abby can do everything from physical to financial forensics while Garcia is on that computer everyday playing solitaire. But then again, the super-strained to the max who-cares-anymore-relationship between Eric and Nell on “NCIS: Los Angeles” as simply computer people, are also mainly fact-finders with enough monitors to rival an NFL broadcast truck. Eric and Nell, played by Barrett Foa and Renee Felice Smith, would zoom in on rocket launchers and terrorists on the other side of the world, search law enforcement databases, and allow the music people to write violin plucking lighthearted cues. Essentially they were a harmless tech investigator duo and apparently written not much deeper than that.

While we're at it, let's round out the last of the “NCIS” brain bank with “NCIS: New Orleans” which first aired in September of 2014. CBS took this show back to the land of semi-realism of the original “NCIS” leaving the comic book shenanigans of “NCIS: Los Angeles” behind. But that's another article.

Real wheelchair-bound performer Daryl Mitchell plays Patton Plame who, like Eric and Nell, has a crapload of monitors wherever he seems to be. (Mitchell's personal story is worth looking up.) The character was given some backstory who calls himself an “investigative computer specialist” but his boss thinks of him more as a hacker.

Speaking of killer computer skills, “NCIS” fan-favorite Tim McGee played boyishly by Sean Murray, has been keeping up with tech for the past 17 years and is the only high-tech person of the “NCIS” franchise who has a real character history. (Actually, after 17 years, almost all the characters do.) McGee seems to be almost as good at computers as Plame. But keep in mind he's also a capable field agent who has been in the trenches with the toughest of Marines like stoic Jethro Gibbs.

So as a whole, Abby and McGee are the king and queen of the “NCIS” brain trust, and one Patton Plame from “NCIS: New Orleans” can take the place of Eric and Nell from “NCIS: Los Angeles.”

By the way, NCIS which stands for Naval Criminal Investigative Service is not a Navy organization. It's a civilian group that handles the tough federal cases involving Navy personnel. Hence the professional vibe of the original and New Orleans version and the surfer 'tude of the Los Angeles unit. NCIS has a no-standard standard.

And how do all the “CSI” shows handle its smart people? Well, all of them are smart in their own way as investigators but the software they play with is a body.

In the original “CSI” everyone was just oh, so smart! You had an audio-video analyst, materials and element analyst, two DNA specialists, two blood splatter people, lab people, and the sundry expert that came and went.

“CSI: Miami” also had some people with cool-sounding degrees. Arson and explosives, ballistics, underwater evidence, (which was great when “Flipper” was assaulted,) trace and impressions, two DNA people, a chemical trace expert, an evidence reconstruction person, and even an art theft expert.

All that intelligence devolved from brains to brawn in “CSI: NY” as cops slid over from being chiefly scientific investigators to regular hit the street detectives. Seven of ten of their lead people chased the bad guys with just three people peeking through microscopes. The chief smarty in the room was Sid Hammerback played by Robert Joy. He had the most interesting background going from cooking food as a chef to determining what someone ate as a Medical Examiner.

It's clear for all these CBS shows where a smarty pants person ranked. In the “NCIS” shows and “Criminal Minds” science and information gathering via computers was an element of each series to catch the bad guy. However, in the “CSI” shows, science was the show. It didn't matter who did the dastardly deed – what mattered was the process used to apprehend them.

“Hawaii 5-0” didn't necessarily have a brilliant computer person until they took on full time “Special Consultant” Jerry Ortega, played by Jorge Garcia, for almost six years. Ortega was a conspiracy theorist who was needed to help solve cases from time to time. To him, cereal and milk were a conspiracy. The team eventually took him on as part of the 5-0 team where they could use his conspiracy theory investigative skills. He was on the same level as the “NCIS: Los Angeles” and “NCIS: New Orleans” people. Again, all CBS.

The two smart people in the room who did their jobs well with a computer but didn't add much to it were LAPD Detective Lieutenant Michael Tao played by Michael Paul Chan on “The Closer” and “Chicago P.D.” computer wizard Greg “Mouse” Gerwitz who was on for the first four seasons.

Detective Tao was also on “The Closer” spin-off, “Major Crimes.” (In fact, just about everyone from “The Closer” except for Chief Brenda Johnson and Sgt. David Gabriel carried over.) I know I said Tao didn't do much as the go-to person for computer intelligence, but he was also a well-rounded Detective on the science side coming up with forensic, cybercrime, and crime reenactment contributions.

THE PERSON IN CHARGE

Style, style, style! Every leader has one. They not only lead their team but they also lead us! We don't want to waste our COVID downtime without a leader – we have enough of that in real life.

There are the tough guys.

There are the understanding but tough guys.

There are the “I'll back you up” tough guys.

No doubt the toughest of the tough guys is “Chicago P.D.'s” Sgt. Hank Voight played by Jason Beghe.

Let's face it, “Chicago P.D.”, (along with “Blue Bloods” if you think about it,) are shows about what would happen if mobsters and their thugs worked on the right side of the law. And Hank Voight is essentially Bugsy Seigel with a badge. History has told us he has killed rather than bring people to trial. He killed the man who killed his son during the show's run and got away with it. He slaps, hits, tortures, blackmails, bribes, and was even in prison before he got this gig of being in charge of the “Intelligence Unit” in Chicago. To his credit, he's quick. Filing charges, grand juries, courts, trials, all that silly stuff in the justice system just gets in the way. He has a soft spot for his team but will not spare any of them his ire if they get out of line.

The next tough guy is Steve McGarrett, played by Alex O'Loughlin, on “Hawaii 5-0.” Now, for its time to me, the toughest TV cop was the original Steve McGarrett played by Jack Lord which was on from 1968-1980. Hell, McGarrett was scary. He'd arrest you if you put Tabasco sauce in your Pina Colada. (And you should be arrested.)

Our current McGarrett is an ex-Navy Seal, (as is “NCIS: Los Angeles” agent Sam Hanna.) Being that this McGarrett is NOT a police officer, but was given the reins of the 5-0 task force, he has as much disrespect for the process as Voight. Except he gets a lot of slack since again, he just thinks the word procedures gets you a lot of points in a Scrabble hand. McGarrett can do anything. Drop him from planes, have him swim from the bottom of the ocean and do the mambo, fly planes and helicopters, be impervious to radiation, this is a man who does not need an insurance policy.

The last of our tough guy leaders is Jethro Gibbs played by heart-throb Mark Harmon. Gibbs has been on TV since 2003 saying maybe 50 complete sentences per episode on the original “NCIS.” Now Gibbs isn't all too physical – the series is a “think first, violence later,” show. His toughness springs from your fear. No one, and I mean, no one, can ever win a staring contest with him and those soft blue eyes. God tried and lost. The ex-Marine expects when he uses his words they are to be acted upon with no hesitancy and certainly no contradiction. Voight and McGarrett would have a problem with that and do what they want to do anyway. Gibbs would ignore them and have the case finished as the bad boys would still be working on a solution.

The show that wears the crown of “I'll back you up” leader is “NCIS: Los Angeles.” I'll be honest with you. I think “NCIS: Los Angeles” is one of the biggest messes on TV but the public loves it. And here's part of the reason why the show ticks me off. I don't know what the hell it's supposed to be. As I mentioned earlier, NCIS is a civilian organization. However, with most of all the NCIS shows' casts, the teams are made up of people who are cops, analysts, secret agents, in other words, they're all military/paramilitary anyway. And with “NCIS: Los Angeles,” you have a former CIA Agent as its leader.

Henrietta “Hetty” Lange, played by Linda Hunt, is credited as the team's “Operational Manager.” Well, OK. She lets her agents skate on the edge and if they fall over, she'll cover their ass somehow all the way. She's also adopted two of the shows best agents when they were kids so she could turn them into agents. Sounds like brainwashing to me.

In the “Understanding but tough guy” category, “The Closer's” Chief Brenda Johnson played by “I have more money than Jeff Bezos” Kyra Sedgwick, is as involved in a case as much as her team and is as intimidating as Barney Fife. There's a lot of fire there but it fails her often. It amazes me how many times she let suspects call her a bitch in an interrogation room. Her biggest weapon was her lilt Atlanta charm which fooled just about every suspect she ran across. Her gut to demolish the bad guy was every bit as strong as Voight's, but she rarely allowed it to surface around a suspect – until she knew she had them dead to rights.

There were plenty of times her team messed up – screwed the pooch – made a bonehead play and dropped the ball. She'd scold them like a southern schoolmarm while being supportive all the way. After all, you wouldn't take the time to be firm if you didn't care. No doubt a rallying cry for corporal punishment.

In fact, all these other leaders will back their people to the nth degree. They will always be the first to “take one for the team,” sacrifice their careers, help their friends and family, have their hearts and minds open on any issue, be a surrogate sibling, defend their team members to the letter, in short, they have a compulsion to parent and they should get that checked. Well, except for Voight. He'll give you a shot but if you screw up, it was nice knowing you. But he's the apex predator of tough cops. Do you see the differences?

In our next article, we'll look at their office romances and medical examiners. They may not all have autopsies on the premises, but love is always on the table.

© 2020 by Kevin S. Birnbaum