Hoarders: I'm Stuffed

I binge watch Hoarders for the 4 R’s:

Rats, Roaches, Refuse, and Redemption. Let me explain.

The Backdrop:

It is the start of a Hoarder’s episode. The quick, foreboding note like a shrill plays before a name, city, and state appear on the screen. Scenes of disarray flicker as we are introduced to the next contestant on an episode of “ The Place Is Tight.” I say contestant for 2 reasons:

1. Contestants on Hoarders play the “game” of “clean up” winning the prizes of a tidier home and a new start with the assistance of paid helpers and spent family members and friends.

2. Some individuals “contest” the help received. They are so attached to the trauma buried amongst their things, that the removal of these items is not considered a win, but a substantial loss. Getting rid of the excess would expose the ghosts they are simply not ready to exorcise.

Rats and Roaches

I am fascinated by the episodes where rats and roaches have infested a home. They scurry over long bought possessions with rapid, excited feet. These invaders devour current and expired buffets as well as couches, chairs, and walls leaving behind a trail of spoils like 4 and 6 legged Hansels and Gretels. This is how they mark their domain as they celebrate at night. In the midnight hour, if you listen closely, you can hear the vermin softly scratch the walls like a harpist or roaches tap dance on the floors in search of a crumb party. They are never disappointed.

Paranoia. My sense of touch, seeing and hearing is heightened as every sound becomes the deafening volume of an infestation. Every quick movement is a roach playing hide and seek behind my furniture, and every tingle is one of them using me as a highway to their next meal. All I can do then is CLEAN!

The Lesson: Hire a pest control service … just in case

Though I am not a therapist, it appears that some who may coexist with vermin and insects take comfort in their presence for it is consistent, voiceless, and loyal. They don’t leave, they don’t criticize, and are dependent on them for their survival. Others may see this coexistence as something they deserve based on their past experiences.

They deserve so much more. So much better.

Refuse.

They say that one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. Not always. In each episode, treasure is usually defined as the vastness of the heaps you can measure. This trash represents the emotional refuse that occupies a space stuffing it to make life look full. The word garbage is often a four letter word.

As I watch each episode, I ask myself:

“Why is there expired food from 1989 still in the refrigerator?”

“What was once that black mass on the table?”

“I wonder what were the last thoughts of the mummified cat under the couch?”

REFUSE!

It is the day of the cleanup and the cavalry of blue dump trucks, shovels, mental health specialists and loved ones arrive to offer help and support. I am excited and envious at the same time because I would love someone to help me clean my garage. A short time into the cleaning, a REFUSEal to continue or let items go often arises. Frustration mounts in the hoarder and their friends and family alike…. but for different reasons.

For the hoarder, the layers of what they have successfully hidden are being uncovered. Having been comfortable in their welcomed claustrophobia like a baby sound asleep swaddled in a blanket, they are suddenly awakened at being unbound from the safety of the hoard.

All hear their cries.

To dare climb out of their “crib” and experience the outside world would mean to leave the stronghold they have built.

So they say, “Put it back.”

So they say, “I can use this for…”

So they say, “This is still good.”

For loved ones, their frustration comes because they see the potential. From the outside looking in while hoping to clean the home and the hoarder from the inside out, they see the possibilities for a bright future.

So they say, “Let it go.”

So they say, “What use is this? Is this item more important than me?”

So they say, “Life is still good.”

Question: What are you holding onto that you can not let go?

The Lesson: It is never too late for a new start. There is always someone in your corner who will smile at you, but will scowl because of you because you do not acknowledge your potential. Nevertheless, they will be there digging through the trenches and stenches for and with you. Who are they in your life?

Redemption:

Everything leads up to the moment where the results of the cleanup are revealed.

Did some or all of the house get cleaned?

Are the rats, roaches, or excess pets gone?

Most importantly, will the house be maintained?

For those who did not REFUSE! to get rid of the refuse, were able to reconnect and see the benefit of human relationships rather than have an unhealthy dependence on things and pests, and who were willing to use aftercare funds, a new world awaits.

Your past is never as powerful as your present and future.

All in all, I do like to binge watch Hoarders for the shock value, but also for the ability to self reflect and think about what I hoard. It may not be as visibly extreme as the episodes I have seen, but we all are keeping something internally we should get rid of. This could be thoughts, feelings, grudges, and regrets. Instead of rats and roaches, we allow unhealthy people and situations to scurry freely over our lives leaving smelly droplets. We inhale it because this is what we think we deserve. It is not. Forgive yourselves. Forgive them and take down that shrine of wallow and create an altar of joy, happiness, and hope.

And with that, I must go clean…. everything.