Godzilla

Godzilla, the cheapest film in the history of cinema

First, the beginning of the movie

Director: Don't use the special effects, delete the actors' scenes, yes, just do it, give me the information video! What? Can't find the color video? Just put it in black and white, yes! The editor cut out the rhythm for me, and reversed the order before and after. It looks much more high-end! Good, good, this title is good! In the first three minutes, the actors didn't have any special effects, so they spent 50 yuan to hire an editor, which was so economical! I tell you, the whole movie, we have to save so much!

Second, the opening of the film

Director: Writer! Writer! Give me up! Write emotional drama, write emotional drama, lengthen it, lengthen it, and lengthen it again! Yes, yes, that's it. Don't make a big scene. It's all indoor scenes and kissing scenes in the car. Give me a hard push, and it's useless! Good, good, good, screenwriter. I love you so much. Oh, you wrote me a running scene for three minutes, which is awesome. Hey, our crew needs comrades like you!

Special effects! Special effects! Hey, listen to me. Look at how other writers save money for us. Do you do special effects? Give me a vision! No depth of field! Gray, all gray! Fuzzy! Make it a little hazy! OK, that's about it. What? You asked me for a thousand dollars for this special effect? Here's 300. Get out!

Third, the evolution of movies

Director: Hello, is this the producer? I'm telling you, it's okay to save money. The movie was played for half an hour. There were no monsters, no explosions, no big scenes, nothing! I just sent a 100-yuan-an-hour cruise ship to send the actors to the warship island, without any special effects at all! In this story, you can still water for 20 minutes! Uh-huh, absolutely no problem! Let's save a lot of movies! I know what you mean, I tell you, I promise to save money!

Fourth, the climax of the movie 1

Director: Special effects! Special effects! Special effects come out! Design also comes out! How the fuck did you Muto design it, so handsome? Is it necessary for villains to be so handsome?

Design: Director, when you set up the project, didn't you boast that you would keep improving?

Director: Lean! Somebody, open the design for me! Send someone to China by freighter immediately, and find a designer! What? Don't want Central Beauty, don't want Qing Beauty! IT's enough to find an IT company for 21 hours in Shanghai Dian!

(designer at work)

(The director took over the drawings)

Director: (thinking: this Nima is too ugly ...)

Design: (see the director's meaning) Director, don't dislike it. I drew this picture for you for free, as long as you give me a name at the end of the film!

Director: OK! That's what I love to hear. Muto's pose, just press this!

V. Film undertaking

Director: What? Old white is too expensive? Writer! Writer! Writer writes Lao Bai directly to death. Thank you!

Fifth, the middle of the movie

(Monsters appear)

Director: Cut! Cut it off! Play something else, play a sensational play, it's useless! Yes, yes, that's it!

(Monsters appear)

Director: Cut! Monsters don't appear for three seconds in a row, give me empty mirrors, give me close-up actors, shoot me anything useless, and don't use special effects anyway!

(Monsters appear)

Director: Vision! Vision! A little further! Hazy, obscure, right! And Godzilla's shell, blur it for me! Do you think I'm filming Shi Maoge, drawing it for you little by little? Brother took Godzilla! What? Too rough to see? Replace all with night scenes! When the audience can't see clearly, they will scold the cinema and never scold us! Ha, ha, ha, I'm so witty!

VI. Movie climax II

Director: Grass Mud Horse! Who told you to make such a big explosion for me! Think of me as filming Transformers! Brother took Godzilla! Be small, just light up a little in the night scene! Don't buy new gunpowder. Didn't I tell you last time? Send someone to China to buy some boxes of Liuyang River!

VII. Movie climax 3

(Monsters appear)

Director: Vision! Vision! Fuck the man! Fuck the lady! Go with men! Go with a girl! Passers-by! Get on the dog! Get on the bird! Yes, yes, that's what it means. OK, the monster is finished. Just show your vision!

(Monsters appear)

Director: Cut it off! Give me the whole skydiving, skydiving! Exactly. Pull me out for at least one minute during the fall. OK, we're on the ground. Start walking. Yes, monsters only play sound effects to show that they are playing. OK, gunfight scene! Cut! On the emotional! Close-up! Woman crying! Good! In place! What? Not enough? The woman calls the phone, speak slowly, and have a richer expression … OK, great, you, add an egg to the lunch box at noon!

Eight, the film ending

Director: Writer! Writer! Eh? The writer resigned? Never mind, I'll do it myself! Okay, okay, that's how it ends. Get together, stir up feelings, like big things … Exactly, this effect is necessary. Anyway, Warner's main public relations object is China, and Chinese audiences love to watch this kind of positive play. Eh? Why isn't there a score? Score! Score! I quit the score, you losers! I'll make do with the next song in QQ music myself. Photography! If you hang your mobile phone on the camera, you will add a soundtrack! Eh? ! Take pictures of you, you, you, you, don't go, where are you going?

(The director picks up his mobile phone, turns on QQ music and shoots the rest of the play.).

Eight, the end of the movie

Actor: Director, the film is finished. Do you want to add colored eggs at the end?

Director: add your sister, we still save money to make a sequel, do you understand? Isn't it possible to sell sequels now? I'm going to make another twenty copies!

Nine, the studio is closed

Brother bento: Hello, your crew ordered 912 boxes of bento, with one egg added. Please settle the account.

Actor: OK, just a moment. The director said he went to the toilet. I'll call. Eh, director, director, director? ? ?