Film Review: 'The Crumbs'

In the small woodside town of Bainsville, the Crumbs operate a seemingly quaint little bed-and-breakfast. The family consists of Dr. Benjamin Crumb (Jeff Hatch), his mother Irene (Marie Olsen), and his daughter Victoria (Chelsea Jurkiewicz). From the outside looking in, they might appear to be an unconventional but harmless family. But underneath their warm smiles and old-timey clothing, the Crumbs operate a disturbing side business. In his laboratory, Benjamin uses unsuspecting B&B visitors as unwilling test subjects to aid in his scientific work: to stunt the aging process and keep the gravely sick Victoria alive. Once they've served their purpose, his friend/"assistant" Leonard (Anton Clark) disposes of the remains.

Plenty of other secrets abound at the Crumb estate, as even a family that kills together can have problems. As tensions in the household reach a boiling point and private investigator Angel Valente (David J. Espinosa) closes in on the murderous family, what other wickedness is about to go down at the Crumb cottage?

Following their dreadful paranormal horror flick The Evil Down the Street in 2019, director/writer duo Craig Ahrens and David J. Espinosa debuted another indie horror picture last year. While The Evil Down the Street felt like The Amityville Horror meets Paranormal Activity, The Crumbs could be described as The Texas Chainsaw Massacre meets Hostel--with a dash of Frankenstein thrown in for old-school flavor. After their last film left such a bitter taste in my mouth, I wasn't sure what to expect from The Crumbs. Another badly acted snoozer or a redemptive comeback? The answer is...it's complicated. While it has the honor of not falling to the bottom of the trenches to join The Evil Down The Street, The Crumbs still has plenty of problems that drag it down below a 5 on my scoring range. But unlike its predecessor, the film doesn't become painfully bad and there's quite a bit of good material to be found--making it more sad than frustrating that it ends up buried under a thicket of issues.

Starting with the positive elements, there's the main cast portraying the titular Crumbs. Unlike the blandly written Ryan family and the abysmal performances behind them, the Crumbs make for much more interesting characters. And while their performances are far from amazing, the actors never let their characters become boring. Jeff Hatch brings charisma and malice to Dr. Benjamin Crumb, a man whose distinguished demeanor hides the ruthless mind of an unfettered mad scientist with a badly broken moral compass. As the film goes on, we get to see more of Benjamin's vicious side, especially as his conflict with Leonard grows more severe. SPOILER ALERT I appreciate how the source of Benjamin's disapproval of Leonard and Victoria's relationship is left ambiguous. Is it because of Benjamin's vague racism, as displayed when the Crumbs have a Mexican couple as guests? Or is it because he wants Victoria for himself? What's more, we're left to wonder whether or not Leonard getting Victoria the kidney she needs will convince Benjamin to let him and Victoria be together. Spoilers Over But during Benjamin's darker moments, Hatch remembers to keep his character's Affably Evil qualities alive. He may be a murderer, but Benjamin's love for his family (while twisted) is authentic.

Anton Clark makes Leonard equal parts menacing and likable. While Leonard is definitely scary whenever he's going about his grisly duties for the Crumbs, he lets his softer side show in his downtime, especially when he's with Victoria. Victoria (comparatively the most pure-hearted member of the Crumb clan) is played well by Chelsea Jurkiewicz, who sells her emotive scenes with the same sincerity as Clark. Lastly, Maria Olsen is creepy as kooky matriarch Irene. But like Victoria, Irene eventually shows herself to have some semblance of moral principle--something that can't be said about Benjamin. Above all, these three actors join Hatch in giving a darkly comedic edge to their ill-natured characters. Little bits of dark humor are sprinkled through the film in regards to how the Crumbs sometimes act like your typical sitcom family, despite having a very atypical family business. If nothing else, Hatch and his co-stars each give a better individual performance than the whole cast of The Evil Down the Street combined. Not a high bar to beat, sure, but still.

WARNING: Spoilers Below

Jurkiewicz and Olsen give their best performances alongside Tommy Koponen during a late-in-the-movie sequence containing a great deal of The Crumbs' squandered potential. When Cameron first shows up in the movie, it appears he'll just be another bland guest to add to the scoreboard (more on that later). But after his near-overdose and escape, Cameron returns to the Crumb cabin to thank them for saving his life and we learn more about the once personality-void man. Not only was his overdose the result of a suicide attempt, but he opens up to Victoria and Irene about how he's gay and was driven to depression by his family's disapproval. Irene is drawn to Cameron due to his vulnerability reminding her of her brother while Victoria connects to Cameron's struggle with having the way he loves deemed "unnatural" by a parent (relating it to Benjamin refusing to accept her love for Leonard). Koponen gives a stirring performance as the troubled young man, pulling you into Cameron's anguish and the comfort he finds in Irene and Victoria. Jurkiewicz and Olsen rise to Koponen's level during this sequence, bringing warmth to their compassion for Cameron and ferocity to their demands that Benjamin and Leonard not harm him.

Coming in at around 10 minutes from the end, you'd think this would be build-up for an emotional climax bringing the family's differences to a head. Irene and Victoria would be trying to protect Cameron from Benjamin and Leonard while Benjamin and Leonard's beef with each other got in the way of their shared goal of saving Victoria's life. But instead, after a brief familial argument, Benjamin lets Cameron live without a fight. It's a colossal missed opportunity, with the moral dissent between the men and women of the Crumb B&B gang being forgotten about immediately after Cameron's departure. The same goes for Victoria's subplot about growing frustrated with her sheltered life and wishing to know more about the world. Other than causing a few minor arguments, Victoria's rebellion never becomes a true source of conflict.

Spoilers Over

The problems addressed in the above Spoiler section are symptoms of The Crumbs' tedious storytelling. Most of the film is just spent on the Crumbs going through a carousel of guests to interact with and/or kill. The cycle gets old pretty quick, namely thanks to how flat and lifeless these guests and their actors often are. Outside of the man discussed in the Spoiler section, the guests we spend the most time with are a group of (presumed) college-aged kids. The group is nothing but a bunch of annoying millennial stereotypes with stale acting and dialogue to match. The character arc they could have sparked in Victoria ultimately goes nowhere, and the only person among the group to make much of an impression is the perpetually selfie-stick-wielding Lens. While he starts out as obnoxious as his friends, Chris Markle makes Lens pretty adorkable when he discovers Benjamin's lab and starts geeking out over his work. Outside of that, it's just a string of dull characters who mostly just exist to get killed in the name of science. Had these guests been as compelling as the one discussed in the Spoiler-marked passages, the plot might not have felt as tiresome.

Other writing fumbles include the more derivative aspects of the Crumb family's history and actions. SPOILER ALERT Their briefly mentioned cannibalism habit, Benjamin and Irene's incestuous mother-son relationship, and Victoria being born from that incest make the film's Texas Chainsaw origins crystal clear. There's also the reveal that the friendly Sheriff Martin is colluding with the Crumbs, which becomes obvious too soon to be an effective twist. At least Robert Crow makes up for it with a solid enough performance, making Martin a deceptively innocuous small-town sheriff before revealing his dark side in the final minutes. Spoilers Over Regarding special effects, the opening credits hold some spooky surprises with its combination of horror and historical imagery. But while it leads into a similarly decent opening sequence showing the Crumbs dealing with a gang of savage home invaders, it also leads into a movie that otherwise skimps on the effects. Most of the gorier action is kept offscreen, with what does get on camera being pretty mediocre. Apart from one effectively bloody scene, it's all conspicuous CGI and obvious fake limbs--all on top of the occasional moment of wonky camerawork.

The last noteworthy member of the cast is writer/director David J. Espinosa as private investigator Angel Valente. While his character isn't developed much better than the generic possession movie priest he played in The Evil Down the Street, Espinosa at least gives a better performance here whenever Valente lets his Stone-Faced PI demeanor drop. Such memorable scenes include SPOILER ALERT Valente getting choked up while admitting to Sheriff Martin that he's investigating the disappearance of his late brother's daughter and the short but well-earned tell-off he gives to the Crumbs for their heinous crimes. Spoilers Over

Almost reaching 2 hours in length, The Crumbs is a film with a lot of fat that should've been trimmed. The middle act becomes a long stall as the guest rotation plot structure quickly becomes capable of putting a viewer to sleep. The abandoned plotlines and unremarkable ending don't help matters, but the worst part of the movie's stumbles is how it had the opportunity to save itself from falling. If the script/direction had been better refined or given more exploration to the captivating web of character arcs presented in the final act, The Crumbs could've been a stronger horror film with enough charm and depth to shoot The Evil Down the Street clear out of the sky. Instead, it'll have to settle for having just enough firepower to graze its wings.

Score: 3.5 out of 10 Kawasaki motorcycles.