Film Review: 'Hot Guys with Guns'

In Los Angeles, two ex-boyfriends are about to be brought together for an unusual adventure. Danny Lohman (Marc Anthony Samuel) is a struggling actor taking PI classes as part of his method acting and waiting tables to make ends meet. Patrick "Pip" Armstrong (Brian McArdle) is a commitment-shy socialite living with his mother Patricia (Joan Ryan) in her mansion. While they're still a part of each other's lives, Danny makes no secret of the fact that he doesn't like Pip's playboy lifestyle of Hollywood sex parties and casual hookups.

It's after one such party that Pip wakes up groggy and missing a Rolex and his car--this being the third gay sex party to end with the attendees being drugged and robbed. After learning about the crime spree, Danny and Pip decide to investigate and uncover the culprit, with Danny's teacher Jimmy Peppicelli (Alan Blumenfeld) offering his assistance. Navigating the bizarre world of Hollywood and uncovering the dark motivation behind the robberies, Danny and Pip will also have to contend with their complicated relationship if they hope to solve the mystery.

Being so forthright and unsubtle, you'd probably expect Hot Guys with Guns to be the title of a sleazy sexploitation film. Surprisingly enough, though, the movie isn't nearly as raunchy as its title suggests. While there are plenty of bare butts on display and a few make-out/sex scenes to be had, it never feels gratuitous. With sex parties being the focal point of the movie's plot, nudity and sensual scenes come with the territory. Instead, Hot Guys with Guns aims to be a playful sendup of noir films, opening with cynical voiceover narration and a cheeky James Bond-esque credits sequence set to Mervyn Warren's soulful Something to Shoot For. While it's not entirely successful in that goal, with things really going off the rails in the final act, Hot Guys with Guns has enough charisma and laughs to be an enjoyable enough sex comedy/crime noir hybrid.

Leading men Marc Anthony Samuel and Brian McArdle have a lot to do with this. Even when the story begins to lag and come undone in the third act, Samuel and McArdle remain consistently likable and charming. Danny and Pip are a combination Amicable Exes/Crime-Fighting Odd Couple duo and their actors share all the chemistry required to make such a dynamic come alive onscreen. Samuel makes Danny snarky and sassy while keeping him as the more grounded half of the pair, and McArdle makes Pip flighty and self-absorbed without letting him become unbearable. For all their differences and squabbles, it's clear from the get-go that Danny and Pip are still drawn to each other and that Pip is more comfortable with him than with his sorta-boyfriend Robin. Most of the film's comedy works well, but it's the banter between Danny and Pip that lands the best and keeps you watching through the story's lower points.

(Fun fact: this film introduced me to Brian McArdle, and as I was watching, I found myself thinking that he looked like an amalgam of actors Zachary Quinto and Matt Cohen. It's ironic that he should remind me of the latter, given how Cohen and Samuel previously appeared together on General Hospital)

Supporting actors Alan Blumenfeld and Joan Ryan have their strong moments as well, making the most of the well-written humor Hot Guys with Guns has to offer. Blumenfeld is oddly endearing as Danny's stern but helpful mentor Jimmy Peppicelli (a noir detective name if I've ever seen one), even more so when Jimmy becomes more directly involved in the investigation and is allowed more room to grow. Joan Ryan is less effective as Pip's trainwreck of a mother. While Patricia has one or two moments of being a genuinely funny character, her schtick otherwise falls flat and Ryan's often strained performance does it no favors. Though I confess, the fact that Patricia essentially gave her son the gender inverted version of her name is a cool, subtler nod to the woman's chronic narcissism.

The story is where Hot Guys with Guns truly hits the skids, as there's a handful of problems that pop up that a pair of stellar leads can only do so much to fix. A recurring issue is how much more emphasis is put on Danny and Pip's eccentric lives as opposed to their criminal investigation and the dangers that arise from it. While there's a good amount of playful noir jabs sprinkled throughout the film, they become less and less prominent as things go on--to the point where the noir angle almost disappears by the end. It doesn't help how often the non-mystery-solving portions of the movie drag into monotony, making it harder to stay invested in the neglected "main" story despite Samuel and McArdle's best efforts.

WARNING: Spoilers Below

The way the whole "Sex Party Robberies" mystery is pretty messy in its own right, largely because of how incongruous the resolution is with the film's tone. After about an hour and thirty minutes of wacky hijinks sprinkled with semi-serious beats involving relationship troubles and murder, Hot Guys with Guns blindsides the viewer with a rape backstory for the robbers. While the story doesn't try to play this revelation comedically, it's a bit uncomfortable how flippantly this horrific crime is treated by both the script and the characters. And it gets this treatment before Robin and his accomplice Tim reveal that they've become just as despicable as their assailants and can't truly be sympathized with.

Speaking of, Trey McCurley and Darryl Stephens deserve some credit for how they play Robin and Tim's reveal as ruthlessly vengeful psychopaths. While Robin and Tim still take some time to snark, it comes with a cruel sting as they revel in taunting and threatening Danny and Pip--two men who had nothing to do with the trauma they're using to justify their actions. At the same time, though, McCurley and Stephens' sinister performances contribute to the awkward tone of the film's conclusion. While it's clear the movie is trying to keep things light, the heavy subject matter and unnerving villains render the climax a moderately icky watch.

Spoilers Over

In esthetical issues, a lot of the action sequences are weirdly shot and the pair of fake-out action scenes (the bar explosion and a guy choking to death in Danny's apartment laundry room) stick out in a bad way. Even in the context of being part of the film's noir spoof angle, these scenes feel nonsensical and pointless in their execution. While it has perfectly cast leads to its name, Hot Guys with Guns' written imperfections cause damage that even they can't rectify. The pacing staggers as it spends more time on extraneous beats than on the main plot and the story just about flatlines in the third act, with the tonal dissonance created by its surprise revelation killing the movie's attempts at staying lighthearted. Samuel and McArdle are still excellent during the disastrous finale, as is Blumenfeld to a lesser degree. But if you decide to watch, brace yourself for a film that starts strong, falters a little in the middle, and finishes by shooting itself in the foot.

Score: 5.5 out of 10 walk-in closet panic rooms.