135 Thoughts I Had While Watching Zack Snyder's 'Justice League'

Oh boy. The Snyder cut. Justice League was an ugly hot mess of a film in every sense of the word. Joss Whedon's reshoots completely changed the original vision, and so now, years later, receiving the original cut is supposed to set this movie right. Well, I hated Justice League. I could rant for hours about why I hated it. So, walking into this, I'm not quite sure what to expect, but, it's time to see if the Snyder cut, the original cut, is the true movie that fans were asking for.

1. Starting with the end of BvS, my least favorite movie of all time. I hate it here.

2. I’m sorry this oscillating yelling is just…it feels like this should’ve been hinted at in BvS that this effect on the Mother Boxes was happening, or that the yelling echoed like this. I imagine this movie wasn’t planned at all when they made BvS.

3. I mean as silly as the yelling reverberating is, I admit it’s a much better setup than the Whedon cut.

4. Ice scenery preeeetty.

5. Now that I know Robert Pattinson’s sexy face is in my future, Batfleck feels even worse.

6. PART 1???? PART 1??????

7. This is the time to address, no movie should be 4 hours long. This is criminal. Where were the editors? I don't care that they want to show all that Snyder did, WHY IS THIS DAMN THING 4 HOURS LONG?!?!?

8. And yet somehow this intro starting with immediately recruiting Aquaman feels like a rushed way to open.

9. The 20 seconds we spent on the singing women is too long for a 4 hour movie. If I’m in for a movie with minimal editing I’m gonna lose my mind.

10. MAMA KENT!!!!!

11. I’m very happy to spend this time on Superman and Mama Kent, Superman is my favorite and I’ll never forgive what they did in BvS to make him so pouty and bitter, that’s just not the character. Crossing my fingers he’s better in this movie.

12. UM ARE YOU SAYING BRUCE WAYNE COULDN’T PAY HER BILLS WTF?

13. That latte looks delicious.

14. I also always loved the casting of Amy Adams as Lois, this scene with her at the memorial is a good moment for her.

15. I still love seeing Wonder Woman, my goodness. Her music is BANGIN and that fight scene was actually pretty good.

16. This R rating is fascinating, like Wonder Woman smashing that guy’s head open is a little insane to see.

17. So the Steppenwolf CGI is…marginally better, the mouth movements are awful.

18. YOOOO THESE STRONG AS HELL WOMEN THOUGH I LOVE THEM. MARRY ME.

19. Thank god this scene is much better, I love Themyscira too much to see it be ruined. They put up much more of a fight in this version, and Steppenwolf comes off more powerful than he did too. It feels like a proper show of strength on both sides.

20. Seeing these horses get bodied is devastating.

21. “Men won’t. She will.” That’s still an amazing line.

22. Alright we’re at Part 2 and I’m so far a bit happier with this version than the original.

23. The flying demon dudes (parademons I know, I like my name better) look more polished.

24. This arrow scene could be shorter, like it could’ve just been a wordless, quick ceremony. See, this is what happens with a 4 hour movie, I’m seeing all these little places they could’ve cut inconsequential things and still given the same effect.

25. Happy to see Cyborg getting more attention.

26. I’m sorry that Parthenon set looks FAKE AS HELL OH MY GOD.

27. This plot feels too complex for us to be introducing characters and backstories, etc. We’re 50 minutes in and haven’t even met Flash or seen Steppenwolf’s motivations yet.

28. I’m sorry this shipwreck scene also looks fake as hell.

29. Excuse me Aquaman, Mr. Respect the Sea, he just littered with that whiskey bottle.

30. They still had that stupid air bubble to talk underwater concept, Jesus Christ.

31. ALWAYS HAPPY TO SEE MY MAN WILLEM DAFOE.

32. I’m sorry, after seeing the phenomenal CGI on Thanos, Darkseid looks….not great.

33. Ok this backstory is better than the Whedon cut, but it’s still a lot of stuff to pack into this damn movie.

34. God… GOD I want a good Green Lantern movie.

35. Not gonna lie, Darkseid came off looking like a chump in this backstory, doesn’t make me excited for him as a big bad in this series.

36. I still can’t believe the men just buried that box in a hole in the ground.

37. We are an hour and ten minutes in and we’re just now assembling part of the Justice League.

38. Ok Flash breaking through the glass looks amazing, I see where all the CGI money went.

39. But is fixing her hair really what we need in this life or death moment?

40. I’m still not used to the R rating, the blood from the head wounds makes me squeal every time.

41. I’m once again asking, why did they have to cram the death of Superman into BvS? This scene of Lois looking at the cape is just 20 seconds too long, it shouldn’t be here.

42. This movie still feels like we’re in act one introducing people. I can’t deal with this length. Also Zack Snyder uses too much slow motion, there, I said it. We could shave tons of time off this movie without all this slow-mo.

43. God I love seeing Cyborg’s backstory though. I really like him, and Ray Fisher deserves so much better for all the bullshit behind the scenes he had to put up with for this movie.

44. I can’t say it enough, there’s entirely too much exposition in this movie.

45. Oh my god that scene of Cyborg in the wasteland or whatever looks AWFUL. That looks AWFUL.

46. See his little smile before he started flying was amazing. I love him.

47. I do like the dynamic of Cyborg and Flash having some degree of father issues, I can see how they might gravitate toward each other.

48. I like the casting for Flash.

49. And here’s the problem with all this exposition. I’m now almost asleep. I’m bored and I want the action to start.

50. How haven’t the flying demon dudes found Cyborg? He’s the only being on the planet MADE FROM THE MOTHER BOX??????

51. Literally just texting my friends about how long this damn movie is. Shout out to Chloe and Ethan!

52. My roommate just came home and she said, “I’m sorry this is how you’re spending your Saturday night”.

53. Update: Steppenwolf is fighting the Atlantians. We finally have some action.

54. It’s been so long wince we last saw Aquaman, I legit forgot where we left him.

55. Jason Momoa is hot as hell and I love his big tiddies.

56. We’ve now reached the incoherent portion of me watching this movie.

57. At least it was addressed that the Atlantians aren’t prioritizing the box, that’s why it was so easy to take.

58. Oh my it’s Part 4, I missed when we got to Part 3.

59. FINALLY WE SEE BATMAN.

60. Halfway through and we have….most of the Justice League together.

61. HOW CAN’T THEY SENSE CYBORG AS HE GETS CLOSER HE LITERALLY HAS THE MOTHER BOX ENERGY ALL OVER HIM???????

62. God the CGI scenery looks TERRIBLE. God damn.

63. Batman has done absolutely nothing but say stupid shit and get his ass beat so far.

64. The Flash electricity looks cool but it’s so damn bright it hurts my eyes.

65. I greatly appreciate Steppenwolf’s design in this better than the original version. His armor looks interesting.

66. I will always enjoy Jeremy Irons and his no-nonsense take on Alfred.

67. I’ll say it again. Jason Momoa is HOT.

68. This is also time for me to mention that I’ll be going feral for Henry Cavill later on.

69. Why are they standing there staring at him and the water, get your asses out of there.

70. So the thing that just happened when Steppenwolf touched the Mother Box…I don’t know what that did for the story and that scene could’ve been skipped entirely? HELP.

71. I’m sorry this Anti-Life Equation thing is too much to add to this already intricate plot. We didn’t need this. The consequences of the Mother Boxes was enough for this movie, now we have more insanity to deal with.

72. Also Darkseid’s is just interested in conquering everything…that’s so boring? I compare him to Thanos because it’s the best comparison for these universes, but Thanos at least had an understandable goal. Darkseid seems so generic right now.

73. That hologram of Superman is so cheesy but I adore it. I love Superman. I love him. Give me my hopeful boy back.

74. Martha just said her name and I almost wept remembering that BvS moment.

75. WHY DID YOU SAY THAT NAME!??? I had to pause the movie here to wipe away my tears of distress.

76. Still furious that Bruce Wayne didn’t help Martha with the house, since he feels so bad about his death.

77. This grief over Superman, while I think it's acted well, doesn’t fit in with this movie, it feels like a different film. I wish I was watching another Superman movie, because I adore this conversation between Martha and Lois in another scenario.

78. UM WHAT? WHAT THE %&#! MARTIAN MANHUNTER???

79. WHAT DID THEY DO??? MARTIAN MANHUNER THAT WAS HIM RIGHT? WHAT???? WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA DID WE NEED THAT INTRODUCED THIS MOVIE?

80. I’m guessing this return of Superman will make me angry, I just don’t want to see a sad, angry, frowning Superman again.

81. I like that little moment between Cyborg and his dad, they deserved their own movie.

82. Update, I’m now drinking in anticipation of seeing Superman be butchered again, I have major trust issues after BvS.

83. That Man of Steel soundtrack still slaps though.

84. They still had that dumb photograph floating in a way that defies all physics.

85. Ok good, it looks like Lois will be at the scene for a real reason, not just “Batman called her as backup lol”.

86. I’m sorry what is this vision of all the heroes dying? We don’t NEED THIS RIGHT NOW.

87. HENRY CAVILL HENRY CAVILL HENRY CAVILL HE’S SO HOT HE’S SO HOT.

88. Did time just? Reverse?

89. Amy Adams’ face is just breaking my heart right now, she’s so damn talented.

90. I’M SORRY HE’S SO HOT I’M SCREAMING. I’M PRETTY GAY BUT IN THIS MOMENT I’M VERY STRAIGHT.

91. NO MUSTACHE CGI WOOOHOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

92. His auto-defense system hasn’t done this before, but now it’s convenient to the plot so sure.

93. Superman lifting that big monument head, I’d prefer he lift me instead.

94. Superman holding that lasso is literally so damn hot I’m losing my mind.

95. I like this Superman/Batman standoff right now.

96. I’ve always loved how Adams and Cavill played their relationship. I think they do a great job. This scene is genuinely very emotional.

97. Ok that Flash and Aquaman moment was hilarious.

98. OH NO CYBORG MY SWEET BOY, YOU’VE SEEN TOO MUCH GRIEF.

99. If there’s one massive positive about this movie, it’s that I love the character development for Cyborg. I love him. He’s fantastic. I care so much about him and it makes me even angrier about what happened with the Whedon cut, Fisher should be a goddamn megastar right now.

100. I HATE JOSS WHEDON.

101. I can’t say enough that Ray Fisher deserves LITERALLY EVERYTHING in terms of acting in this movie, it’s all standard and kind of one note, he’s the most dynamic thing in this film.

102. You know it’s bad when not even Henry Cavill’s sexy sexy face can't keep me from totally falling asleep.

103. OH WAIT. My big gripe in the first Justice League was not getting a proper reunion scene with Superman and his mother, they better give me this.

104. I’m actually getting emotional watching this scene.

105. CLARK HUGGING LOIS AND MARTHA I’M CRYING BYEEEEEEE.

106. AAAAHHH CLARK.

107. OK HELL YEAH TO SUPERMAN FLYING BUT I LOVE HIS RED AND BLUE COLORS MOOOOORE.

108. I prefer this coloration from the stupid red one that happened in the other version.

109. There is so much CGI mumbo jumbo going on I’m lost. I have no idea what’s going on or what I care about.

110. AHHHH IT’S SUPERMAN AGAIN.

111. Jason Mamoa is so charismatic it’s beautiful to see.

112. WAIT THAT SUPERMAN ENTRANCE WAS INSANE.

113. THAT MAN OF STEEL SOUNDTRACK AGAIN GOD YES.

114. The only issue is that Superman is so powerful he makes everyone else look like absolute poo poo, like we don’t need the Justice League we just need him for real.

115. This music for Flash is legit, he’s been close to useless up to this point.

116. I have so idea what’s happening right now, but poor Ezra Miller has the goofiest run I’ve ever seen.

117. WAIT IS HE RUNNING BACK IN TIME, IS THAT WHAT’S HAPPENING?

118. His little dialogue throughout it is really annoying and stupid though.

119. Darkseid honestly looks like run of the mill CGI, I’m not impressed.

120. I still don’t feel triumphant about the Justice League.

121. “I BOUGHT THE BANK” LOL

122. Jesus Christ it’s over, bless me.

123. JESUS CHRIST IT’S STILL GOING.

124. WHAT IS THIS POST APOCALPTIC BULLSHIT GOING ON AGAIN I’M SICK OF THIS.

125. END ME.

126. PLEASE END. I’VE HAD ENOUGH.

127. AW;OIERJAOWIERHAOIEFAOWEJAOIER

128. WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

129. I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE.

130. I’M SICK OF THIS I CAN’T GET THIS MOVIE OUT OF MY FACE END. END ALREADY. I’VE HAD ENOUGH.

131. JARED LETO’S LAUGH IS SHIT.

132. THIS ENDING DOESN’T NEED TO HAPPEN. THIS DOESN’T NEED TO HAPPEN AT ALL.

133. I’M ONCE AGAIN ASKING WHY DID WE NEED TO CRAM MARTIAN MANHUNTER INTO THIS FILM.

134. I’M AT THE END OF MY ROPE HERE.

135. PLEASE END ME.

Aaaand we're back. I had to take a twenty minute break to have a stroke before summarizing my thoughts. I have to be honest and eat a few of my words; this was better than the Whedon cut. Still too long, still needed two more movies of set up to avoid this lengthy mess, but hey. I was much less angry after this version. I take that as a win.