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The Top 10 Love Triangles In Gaming

by Blake Anglin 2 months ago in list

It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss.

10. Batman, Oracle, Talia al-Ghul (Batman: Arkham City): Batman is one lucky dude. Sure, there's the old "parents brutally murdered in front of him as a kid" thing. I'll give him that. But since then? He's super rich, a famous playboy, gets to fight crime and use the fanciest gadgets known to man. He also gets a super sexy literal cat burglar and a super hot ultra assassin fighting over him. You know what, I take it back. He's a grown man who dresses like a bat, he's got obvious issues.

9. Shepard, Liara, Ashley (Mass Effect): Yes, technically Shepard has like a love octagon going on, but no relationship showcases Shepard’s pimp-osity better that the male romance options from the original Mass Effect. The series was still new to us at this time, and we didn’t know the depths of Shepard’s disdain for commitment. Of course first-time male Shepards were hitting on both chicks, blissfully unaware that is was a problem, until Ashley confronts you about what’s going on. Naturally, you have three choices. You can outright choose one of them, or you can test the limits of your persuasive abilities. Better pump up those Paragon scores rookie.

8. The Hero, His/Her Spouse, That One Prostitute (Fable 2): My Fable 2 romance was rocky at times, but it didn’t start off bad. I was something of a ladies’ man early on, but the first time I saw Jenny the bartender, I knew she was something special. Or maybe I was drunk. Anyhoo, I popped the question, she said yes, and me and Jenny began our new life together. After about two minutes, I realized that I didn’t want to be married, so I left. I'm not proud of it, but yes, I just left, and completely forgot about Jenny. A few weeks later I’m wandering around Bowerstone, drunk, and come across a certain lady of ill repute. Grabbing her, I stumble into the closest available house…right into my wife. She wasn't thrilled about it.

7. Maxim, Tia, Selen (Lufia II): If you haven’t played this SNES masterpiece, go buy it off eBay and play it right now. Seriously, I’ll wait……..Done? Good. Gameplay-wise Lufia II didn’t do anything groundbreaking, but it did feature one of the most detailed and emotional stories in gaming. In particular, protagonist Maxim and his relationships with childhood crush Tia and future wife Selen presents one of the more mature and heart-breaking tales around. It’s kind of like The Notebook , with monsters and stuff.

6. Nathan, Chloe, Elena (Uncharted): Oh Nathan Drake. You do have a way with the ladies, don’t you? It’s not enough that you get sweet, gentle Elena to follow you around like a puppy, but you have to get caught up with femme-fatale Chole? Seriously? Are you trying to be a stereotype? Well, yeah, I guess you kind of are, but that is beside the point. Thanks to state-of-the-art animation work and top-notch writing, the love triangle in Uncharted 2 is one of the best, and most complex, relationships in gaming. Sure, Elena gets her man in the end, but it's tough to feel bad for Elena for dodging that bullet like she has so many others.

5. Kratos, Whore, Whore (God of War): One of the finest examples of true love in video games, the Kratos-Whore-Whore triangle is one of the most artistic, subtle and powerful relationships in the medium today. I think it works so well, besides its social commentary on the nature of monogamous relationships in today’s often polygamous world, because they have such a solid give-and-take. Kratos gets a nice experience boost, and the consorts get a little taste of Kratos. One thing, though: These scenes don’t usually last too long. Quick-time events indeed, eh Kratos? Ah, I’m just joshing. You could easily murder me.

4. Vincent, Katherine, Catherine (Catherine): Catherine isn’t winning any awards for flawless game design, but one facet the game does handle well is the relationship the story centers around. Catherine, a young, nubile blonde girl, for some reason gets attracted to slacker Vincent. Vincent is kind of a douche, so instead of living peacefully with his probably pregnant, but still pretty hot, current girlfriend Katherine, he gets mixed up in this huge demon-infested, sheep-populated dream-tower-thing. It’s confusing, but it is well-realized.

3. Cloud, Tifa, Aeris (Final Fantasy VII): One of the most recognized trimances around, the Cloud, Tifa and Aeris triangle has been examined from every direction. I still refuse to believe that two awesome chicks like Tifa and Aeris would fall for a skinny loser like Cloud, but I guess that whole emo/James Dean attitude is irresistible in Midgar. Even Barrett falls for it. Of course, if Cloud was really the good guy he claims to turn out to be (that’s confusing), he would stay away from those two and not completely destroy their lives. Maybe hook up with Yuffie; I’d like to see Sephiroth try to stab her through the gut.

2. Bowser, Mario, Peach (Super Mario Bros.): I’m going to tell you a story. Boy meets girl. He is looked down upon by most everyone around him, but something about this boy makes the girl interested. She is no normal girl herself, though; she’s a princess. The unlikely pair eventually fall in love, and retire to his modest abode to live their life. Outraged, the King sends his most trusted employee to kidnap the princess. All of the boy’s friends rally around them to try to protect her, but the King’s man is too powerful, and the princess is eventually torn from her lover’s arms. Devastated, she knows she has no choice but to pretend to thank her father’s lackey, and bide her time until her lover can return to rescue her once again. Thus is the story of Super Mario Bros.

1. Jimmy, Billy, Marian (Double Dragon): Truthfully, there is nothing humorous about the fall of the Lee brothers, and the deception of the succubus Marian. After fighting their way through an entire city of badly-dressed thugs, the duo finally rescue Marian from the clutches of the evil gang lord. Instead of being a good damsel in distress and thanking them for rescuing her, what does she do? Makes them fight it out right there to see who gets to take her home. Since this was the early ‘90s, they oblige her and pummel each other to a pulp. Really makes you wonder what was going on before they got there.


Blake Anglin

"Had to be me. Someone else might have gotten it wrong."

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Blake Anglin
Read next: Dungeons & Dragons: Dark Alliance Review

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