Sonic the Hedgehog Has a Deal with the Devil

Super Mario is the most recognizable character on the planet earth. That's not a guess or hyperbole. A survey performed in 1990 showed Mario overtaking the former champion, Mickey Mouse. There's not a soul alive who doesn't know who Super Mario is. So it makes sense that everyone in the gaming industry wanted their own Mario, and Sega was one of them. In 1991, Sonic the Hedgehog was released for the Mega Drive and Genesis to great success. For the next three years, Sonic saw a multitude of games, culminating with Sonic & Knuckles, arguably the best of them. A real rivalry was born – plumber vs. hedgehog.

Why specifically Sonic, though? There was no shortage of potential rivals. In the 90's (and even early 2000's), mascot characters were the thing to have. It wasn't generic, brown shooter games like the later 2000's. It wasn't battle royale titles like right now. It was having your own anthropomorphic anything with some kind of attitude and/or marketable appearance. From Earthworm Jim to Gex, from Aero the Acrobat to Bubsy, from Zero the Kamikaze Squirrel to Boogerman, from Ty the Tasmanian Tiger to Toejam and Earl, from Buck Bumble to Mohawk and Headphone Jack, from Awesome Possum to Croc, from Titus the Fox to Sly Cooper, or from Glover to Conker, there was a list several miles long of everybody and their mother's mother trying their hand at cashing in on the formula for about a decade. Some were more successful than others, obviously. Everyone remembers Banjo Kazooie and Crash Bandicoot fondly, but does anyone remember or even care about Rocket: Robot on Wheels or Chameleon Twist? There's great precedent for mascots barely rising at all only to fall into obscurity. Even relatively successful characters like Spyro the Dragon can't get a game that isn't an HD collection made any more. So why did Mario and Sonic climb over the bodies of Blinx the Time Sweeper and Voodoo Vince to stand tall atop the pile of dead?

If you look at Mario, the answer for him should be obvious. From his early arcade debut as a carpenter named Jumpman in Donkey Kong in 1981 to the lovingly crafted Super Mario Odyssey in 2017, there hasn't been a bad mainline game featuring the mustachioed mushroom muncher. Fans can argue about the various problems in Super Mario Sunshine or the lack of inspiration for New Super Mario Bros. 2, but even at his lowest, Mario is still good. His games are always pure fun, he's still the undisputed king of video games, and he will be the face of the industry for the foreseeable future. He's even so gracious that he lets his supposed rival, Sonic, come and join him in his famous fighting game: Super Smash Bros.

So what about Sonic, then? He is still considered Mario's rival, even after all this time, isn't he? Is his history just as stellar? To put it politely: not even close, are you kidding me? Now don't get me wrong, Sonic has had his days in the sun for sure. His first three titles and even the Sonic Adventure games on the Dreamcast were, at worst, good. Even the more modern Sonic Generations was incredibly fun and Sonic & All-Stars Racing Transformed was such a fun racing game it could easily stand up to even Mario Kart 8, and that's not even mentioning Sonic Mania, possibly the best Sonic title period. With that said, shouldn't that mean the rivalry is still strong, even if Sega doesn't have their own console any more?

Well, it takes a lot more than a handful of good titles to stand up to Mario. Unfortunately, it seems like Sega knew that and tried to solely to stand up to Mario instead of making something good or creative. After the original trilogy of Sega Genesis games, Sonic had to awkwardly transition to 3D. Mario made that leap effortlessly with the release of Super Mario 64 in 1996, the game that set the bar for all 3D titles following it. That meant Sonic had to do the same. Unfortunately, going fast in 3D presented more of a challenge than performing jumps. While Sonic Adventure's 1998 release was met with critical acclaim and Sonic Adventure 2 was another success in 2001, it wasn't long before Sonic began to run out of steam.

Even when the Dreamcast died and Sega was out of the Console Wars, Sonic Heroes still was released on former competition's hardware in 2003. Perhaps Heroes was met with more tepid reception than the Adventure titles, but it was just a small bump in the road. Sega experimented with letting you play as Sonic's ever-increasing roster of friends and the Blue Blur would be back on track in no time. No more ungraceful platforming or gimmicks, just pure, patented Gotta Go Fast™ speed like you wanted!

If it were possible through text, you'd have heard the cocking of a gun just then. In 2005, Sega introduced possibly the most dumbfounding title possible – Shadow the Hedgehog. Someone somewhere decided that a blue hedgehog in running shoes didn't have enough edge or attitude to him and so we needed an angry, gun toting, motorcycle riding, swearing clone with “Chaos Control” that literally murders Sonic in his game's intro.

Teenage edgelords the world over knew now was the time to churn out the most emo furry OC they could muster as they watched strangely realistic humans battle it out against or along side cartoon animals. Needless to say, Shadow the Hedgehog was as irredeemably awful as it was unnecessary. Critics panned it, consumers turned up their noses, and Sonic Team had only begun to drag their franchise behind a G.U.N. truck.

The next year, 2006, the very cosmos shuddered. The sun was blotted out by the moon, the moon turned to blood, and that blood dripped into the earth where the soil cracked and out leaked an evil that should have been reserved for an Armageddon of Biblical severity. Simply titled Sonic the Hedgehog, what is better known as Sonic '06 or Why, God? Why?, this game presents the player with yet more stupid animals, more uncomfortably contrasting humans, an inter-species romance with an anime princess, and more buggy, insufferable platforming than ever thought humanly possible. It has become a dare for people to actually play through the entire game. For your own sake, if someone gives you this dare, opt to stick your tongue to a frozen flagpole instead.

I could go on forever about Shadow the Hedgehog or Sonic '06, but that's not what this article is about. This article is about the fact that, like Rasputin, Sonic just won't die. Following his contender for worst game ever made, Sonic went on to star in Sonic and the Secret Rings which no one played or remembered in 2007, Sonic Unleashed which people only remember because of the constant barrage of jazz fight music in 2008, Sonic and the Black Knight which was similarly disregarded in 2009, and finally Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episode I which paled before other 2D Sonics and Sonic Colors which was actually met with a generally positive reception in 2010.

Using the small gulp of air that Colors afforded them to gain their bearings, Sonic Team took a look back at the smoldering mess behind them. Sonic had undertaken redesigns in character, general tone, and gameplay multiple times. New characters rose and disappeared throughout both core titles and spin-offs creating a mascot surge that rivaled the general industry at the time but contained to a single franchise. Sonic's 'tude had gotten him this far, but at what cost? Everything was canon. Nothing was an alternate universe. In the same timeline where Doctor Eggman opened an amusement park, a mouthless demon attempted to erase the past and Shadow the Hedgehog blew up the White House. Nothing about the franchise was good or untainted and Sonic himself was a discombobulated attempt at being “cool”. Nevertheless, despite being nothing more than a zombie husk, Sonic refused to go the way of Wild Woody or Alex Kidd and somehow remained standing.

In 2011, the ghost of video games past visited in the form of the pure, uncorrupted Sonic the Hedgehog. Starring with himself in Sonic Generations, both 2D and 3D levels spanning all years of games were featured in a title that was actually very enjoyable. The dumb friends were kept to a minimum, only chiming in annoyingly during the final boss fight, and Sonic was rescued by his past self. He was given new life.

He went on to squander that new life with 2012's release of Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episode 2, 2013's mildly passable Sonic Lost World, and 2014's new reason to talk about Sonic. It was not a good reason. It was called Sonic Boom:Rise of Lyric and it must have been an attempt to out do Sonic '06 in just how bad a Sonic game can be.

The developer, Big Red Button, really outdid themselves. They had you falling through floors, not going fast, being forced into inexcusable combat, listening to repetitive, unfunny dialogue, and being subjected to bugs, bad camera work, and a complete lack of any care, polish, or design. Luckily, you could skip most of the game by passing over it with a glitch that allowed Knuckles to fly outside of game boundaries if you repeatedly pressed the pause button. Even in the face of such evil, goodness seeks to win, it seems.

Witnessing this affront to their franchise being performed by someone other than them, Sonic Team retreated to their windowless back room. Eyes glinted in cigar smoke and teeth snarled as they hatched their master plan. While Christian Whitehead's Sonic Mania would be released to great applause for just being the Sonic 4 people wanted back in 1995, the year of 2017 would also see the release of Sonic Forces. Sonic Team would prove once and for all that they are incapable of learning anything.

Once again, classic Sonic returned because Generations was such a success but not even he was prepared for players creating their own, original Sonic character using the worst character creator ever conceived. No matter who you use, though, they will be forgotten in the face of Infinite, an edgelord so edgy, even Shadow wants him to dial it back a notch. No notches will be dialed, however, as we learn Sonic has been a tortured prisoner of war for six months at the hands of this new villain whose incredibly well thought out motivation was “I'll prove I'm not weak by losing my humanity to a power stone”.

Take that and digest it for a minute. Look back over the history of Sonic. We started with a cartoon animal that ran fast and bonked his arch rival for being bad and somehow wound up in a universe with time traveling demons, assault rifles, the very real consequences of war, and the worst that anime has to offer. How did this happen? Who let this happen? Why wasn't it stopped?

Satan. That's why. Someone on Sonic Team sold his soul to Old Scratch and so now, for better or worse, Sonic the Hedgehog cannot die no matter how many bad games he gets. Earthworm Jim had two good titles then a bad 3D title and hasn't been seen since. Banjo and Kazooie had a bright future until Nuts & Bolts ensured their careers were over. Yet somehow, Sonic can keep on Spin Dashing after the open sores he's left on the face of the gaming industry.

If there's a less occult explanation, is it simple nostalgia? Back in the 90's you were either a Nintendo kid or a Sega kid. Very few had both a Super Nintendo and a Sega Genesis, so you had to choose. Were you Mario or were you Sonic? Perhaps fond memories of Sonic 3 & Knuckles is the driving force behind Sonic's ability to pop back up... but I don't buy it. Kids today don't have any memory of that game and 30-year-olds who grew up with gaming have had plenty of time to become disenfranchised with Sonic given his legacy of garbage.

You might not want to think about it, but what about the furry community? Are they the ones buying these games to further fuel the self insert original characters they post on DeviantArt? It's possible, considering how appealing the edgy, dark themes mixed with anthropomorphic rodents must be, but I'm not convinced. There's a glut of material there that doesn't necessitate purchasing bad games when you could just watch videos on YouTube if all you're interested in is a human kissing a dead hedgehog back to life. If this niche community could keep a bad franchise alive, we'd be seeing Brutal: Paws of Fury championships at Evo.

Maybe Sonic is just cool? He does have that necessary attitude to make it in the 90's that someone like Mr. Nutz could only copy. What kid wouldn't want to chow down on chili dogs and race around at incredible speeds like a Bart Simpson-esque juvenile delinquent? However, to keep that cool, Sonic has gone through several redesigns and unfortunate plot developments in a desperate struggle to prove relevancy. So many, in fact, that he's changed so much since his original debut, Sonic was able to have that crossover with himself in Generations because he's just that different now. To once again compare Sonic to Mario, whose main element is “fun”, Sonic just doesn't have that same timeless trait. “Cool” changes from fad to fad and so Sonic has to change too to avoid becoming another relic of his time like Sketch Turner.

With that in mind, I don't think Sonic's way-past-cool factor is the reason for his popularity. Like the concept of nostalgia, if a fan chose mid 2000's Sonic as their favorite (because they're dumb or something), they might be less enamored with older, fat Sonic or the new, blasé Sonic Boom Sonic with the scarf and shoe bandages. A divided fan base doesn't do a franchise any favors and so I don't think being so edgy and cool as Sonic tries to be is enough of a reason to keep him on life support through so many inescapably bad games.

Maybe everything is because of Sonic's target demographic, then? When you're a 13-year-old, you want to put on the mask of an adult even if you still need a fun animal mascot that makes it easier to convince your parents to buy it for you. Mario is for babies and Sonic fits the bill perfectly. Lestor the Unlikely was too close to home to ever make it, but Sonic shows kids the baditude they need to throw on their sunglasses and not do their homework. While the type of cool might change from generation to generation, the nebulous concept of rebellion has not.

However, most people outgrow that phase quickly and there are other “more mature” games out there that don't have a cutesy fox flying a biplane. Kids can just pick up Fortnite for free, shoot some guns, tear down society, and beg their parents for micro-transaction money instead of the price of a full game. There's just too small a window for being confused by puberty and there are just too many other options to support Sonic's prolonged reign of terrible. That can't be it.

Finally, you might just be able to chalk it up to Sonic being “first” on the scene. Yes, Mario was the real big name that paved the way for video games as they are today, but Sonic showed up quickly. In fact, Sonic showed up just before the big rush. He's known for being fast, after all. Other characters that appeared in the 80's such as Mega Man and Pac-Man (who even predates Mario) have had sticking power, but Sonic's creation fell within the same span as the likes of Bonk and Jazz Jackrabbit. The 90's weren't the 80's and Sonic still had to be lumped in with such mascot attempts as Rocky Rodent in terms of his release era. For some reason, he was picked out of that mascot slurry and given immortal life, and it's not for any earthly reason.

No, there must be something else; something etched on a contract made from leathered, human flesh. No one gets to be so bad and forgettable for so long and still see games made. No one is asking for another Joe & Mac game or Dynamite Headdy HD. Likewise, no one should be asking for more Sonic the Hedgehog, but this is where we are. Even when his games aren't releasing and flopping, Sonic lives on in memes and things like whatever Sonic Dreams Collection was.

There's nothing but unholy ritual being performed within Sega's Sonic Team. Mark my words. If I disappear like Vectorman after this article is published, you know who got me. I'm not even basing this off process of elimination. You saw Sonic's history. The worse his games got, the darker the themes became as well. Worlds were ending, time was collapsing, and literal war was ravaging the earth. You don't summon up dark beings like Shadow or Infinite without carving black glyphs into your flesh. You didn't see any pacts with the devil in Iggy's Reckin' Balls and did that game get a sequel? I think not.

You want more evidence of this? Yes, there's the urban legend of the Tails doll and its supposed curse, but that's no more tangible than my speculation. Sonic CD is where you want to look for real proof, as it contains the cry of a man's lost soul. Hidden in the sound test is designer Masato Nishimura's attempt to reach out after learning far too late he had taken a loan he could never pay off. This message was removed in later releases of the game.

If you're not convinced by now, it will be too late when you are. Perhaps Sonic was initially more appealing than Zool or Willy Wombat, but that should not have been enough to carry him through all his lows. Sonic has a sealed pact with the Prince of Lies himself and his success despite his failure is all a result of that. Take a stand against the dark arts and let the poor hedgehog die. Mario hasn't had a “rival” in over a decade. Sonic's only fight now is against himself and Sonic Team's binding contract to Lucifer.