So I'm a Twitch Streamer

Yes, I'm a twitch streamer. I enjoy playing video games and streaming the content for fun. That being said I haven't always felt confident in my decision for this future. Before my life in front of a monitor, I had a whole different set of plans for my life.

Music was my muse. I even went to college for it. I poured my life and time into my instruments and my craft only to have my dream of teaching music fall through. I felt heartbroken and alone. Like I didn't have a path in life. I stopped playing and performing because it made the pain greater. Between failed professional goals and failed relationships, I felt like I needed a major distraction from the mess that was my life. So I turned to the next thing I knew best. I started gaming nightly and it helped. Slowly friendships were forged and a small community was built. I thought I had it made and honestly I hadn't considered streaming at this point. Life was going well... even if I still didn't have a plan for the future.

December 2020 came around and I got dealt another hard blow. The community I built started crumbling when I became the victim of bullying from most of the other members. I was betrayed and exiled out of spite the minute I went to defend myself. Once again I was alone. Then one day I was scrolling through Tik Tok and came across a streamer hyping up their server. It looked cool so I joined. There I met many people of all ages and personality types. Eventually, I made my own server with the friends I made there. Many of which were also smaller streamers. I'd watch them blossom in every stream. I became enticed by the confidence I saw grow in them every day. It was at that point I made the decision that I would eventually start streaming myself. However, I needed a few things first.

Around March of 2021, I purchased and built (with the help of my brother) my pc. I got gifted an HD webcam for streaming and updated my mouse, keyboard, and headset. I was prepped and ready for this new journey I was about to take, but little did I know my dreams would be derailed. Then on May 20th, 2021, my dearest grandfather passed away suddenly from a heart attack in his sleep. I knew I was nowhere ready emotionally to start up streaming at that point. I could barely function without having panic attacks. On top of that, I was trying to keep my family from breaking down from the loss as well. This went on for almost 5 months. I made new friends, watched as those friends made the leap, and constantly felt like I failed myself again. I had talked about streaming my gaming to my grandfather and he always seemed supportive. Not having that support system was hard but deep down I knew I'd only be disappointing him if I gave up entirely. However, I had no idea if I was truly ready. I considered giving up many times. Cried because I felt as if I would never accomplish my dream. I tried so hard to push that desire and the disappointment I felt out of my mind but failed to do so.

One night I had a dream. In that dream, I was sitting on a bench overlooking the ocean talking to my grandfather. He asked me if I had started streaming like I always talked about. To which I responded no. That's when he said he didn't want his passing to hold me back. He wanted to see me succeed and follow my dreams. After I woke I felt as if I had been given a sign... I know what a cliche but it's how I felt. So I got to work. I found an overlay I liked (which my friend later bought for me), got my stream set up, and had decided on my future.

October 6th, 2021 I turned 27 and with that became a streamer. I scheduled a group gaming night where we were to watch a movie and then play Among Us. I only told a couple of people about my plan so I was both nervous and excited. As we started a lobby I asked my friends to look in the Twitch Update channel I have in my server and then I started my stream. The silence was nerve-wracking, but the excitement I heard from everyone the minute the link to my stream popped up was breathtaking. They cheered for me, encouraged me, and even cried with me. It was amazing and my dream was finally realized. I became a Twitch affiliate within a week with the support of my friends and when I look back I'm proud I made the decision I did.

It might have taken me most of 2021 to decide on this new journey but I'm pleased to say I did. I've grown as a person and have found myself speaking with more confidence. I put myself out of my shell and I've blossomed. Most importantly I overcame some of the most difficult tribulations during this year. From failure, adversity, and the loss of my grandfather I've emerged out of the ashes. Renewed and revived. While I'm still growing as a person I'm pleased to say that I feel as if I'm no longer afraid or lost. I am Katie and I'm a twitch streamer.