7 Aspects of RPG Games that Make Me Laugh

by whatageek 6 months ago in rpg

Why does an Inn Heal All Ailments?

7 Aspects of RPG Games that Make Me Laugh

Why Do You Need keys When You Can Shoot Fireballs Out Of Your Hands?

Every game has locked doors that you need to find a specific key for that for some reason is randomly lying around the castle that you are in. But if you are a mighty warrior or wizard why not just knock the door down? You can take on hordes of giant monsters at a time but a wooden door with a padlock has you stumped? You could even blast the wall beside it. Now that I am thinking about it, it is the same thing with chests. Some games have a lock-pick skill but really is that more useful than the guy that can shoot fire out of his or her hands? And when you do get that treasure open you might find food which for some reason gives you life.

How Does Food Heal You?

Wizard needs food. But why? I get it if you are hungry or if it helps with your stamina but how does it stop the bleeding. Do your characters take the turkey leg and stick it in the wound? Not only does food heal you but the more you eat and the type of food seems to give you more life. Now let me tell you something about overeating. I have stuffed myself on many Thanksgivings and I can tell you I was not ready for battle after. I was ready for a long nap. Speaking of naps that brings us to our next point.

Why do Inns Heal All Status Alignments?

You got poisoned, spend the night at an Inn. Lost an arm? Nothing a few hours of sleep won’t cure. No matter how beaten up or sick your party is just grab a blanket and a pillow and you are as good as new. Who needs hospitals? I do not know if these are magical beds or just closing your eyes for a few hours is all it takes in these worlds to be as good as new. And if it is a magical bed then maybe the inn should charge more. Also where does your whole party sleep? I have stayed in Inns with one bed when you have a party of like 12 people. And where are those 12 people when you are wandering the map?

Where Is the Rest Of Your Party?

Why can only three people fight at a time? I have an army of 12 and yet only three of them want to do the work. And if those three go down can’t the other members heal them or carry them back to the Inn for healing? Where is everyone? And if they are not with me in the field what are they doing? Most of the games you play involve you trying to save the world—is there something more important that the other parties members are doing? Maybe it is an etiquette thing where people can only group up in parties of 3 or 4 in order to give the monsters a fair shot. The etiquette thing does make sense and explain the next point on the list.

Why Do You Take Turns In Battle?

Alright first you can go, then our wizard, then your henchmen, then me. Then we repeat. What are you waiting for? The world is at stake I think it is okay if you attack out of turn. They do try to use stats like speed to explain it but really there is a lot of standing around waiting to go next. You can’t be that tired, all you did was drink a potion on your turn. If you need a minute break between every action maybe you are not the brave team we need. And if it is manners why do the monsters wait too? Is everyone super polite in this world? Are fantasy games like Canada? No no sir, you go first. And then when you win the battle you get money and items. But where do they come from?

Why Do Monsters Have Items And Gold?

Every monster in an rpg world drops coins. They all do. No matter how big or how small. And the bigger ones drop more. Not only that but they also drop random items. Now the explanation might be that these monsters are eating people and they cannot digest the items and money but really are they all eating that many people? How many people die a day by random monster encounters? And how did that little slim hold that big piece of armour? There are some big items that drop that your team picks up and seems to have the room for.

And where do you put those items?

Now I will be honest I do not like games that limit my inventory no matter how unrealistic it is. If I want to hold 99 regular potions that is my business. But really it makes no sense to open a menu and see hundreds of large items all in the hands of our heroes. They are not even carrying backpacks. Where do all these items go? And they have to be heavy. Not only that they are also wearing their armour too. No wonder they are so strong, they are carrying a whole armoury on their backs.

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