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"What To Do When A Toxic Narcissist Is Close"

And How To Cut The Cord To Freedom

By Kristen Bansfield -Pen Name K.R.FieldsPublished about a month ago 8 min read

Family Dynamics can be complex and multifaceted (to say the very least.) filled with love, support and connection. However, there are times when family relationships can turn toxic, leading the emotional pain, stress and dysfunction. One of the most challenging aspects of dealing with toxic and/or a member of narcissism is recognizing and understanding the passive aggressive narcissism, a behavior that can be subtle (until it’s not) yet damaging. In this article, I will explore toxic family member and delve deeper into the traits of passive aggressive narcissism.

The world of narcissism is a complex one, with various shades of manifestations. Among the different types of narcissistic, the passive-aggressive narcissist stands out as a particularly intricate and challenging profile to understand and deal with. This essay is shedding light on the unique blend of traits that define this type of behavior and how to protect yourself from being its victim as well as getting the as far as you can.

I lived with someone very close to me for year and years. I watched as he tore people from my and my family's life. I watched as they made a perfect, all-around good day turn into complete shit. From the time I could remember as a pre-teen to now at age thirty-five. And he is still at it, if I’m being honest, he’s even worse. Because decades of him mastering (or what he thinks is mastering his “master munipulation” ) he truly believes he is untouchable. I see him for what he is. His “master manipulating” remind me more of pink and the brain. And that’s still giving him more credit than I believe is deserved.

I am not a hateful person, and I have given him chance after chance. But if it is between him and my children becoming victim to what I have dealt with, what my mother dealt with, along with anyone she loved or was in a relationships with at them time dealt with. I will choose my kids before I allow him to destroy what I worked so hard in keeping my children good.

Growing up I know older brother always believe their younger sister is annoying etc. But when that ect. turns onto lying and pure hate directed at me for havin to watch me. Or because I admired him so much, I just wanted to be a part of his life. All of that admiration turned into being mentally abused and bullied in a way for him to either 1- make me not want to be around him again or 2- self-hatred being directed at me. Now that I am old enough and have learned the block button works wonders. I can only hope that someone I love more than anything in this world learns it to. He is no longer anyone's responsibility besides his own. (A note to the person you know im talking to- you deserve to be did what you should of done but once he turned eighteen-shit once he turned thirty; there’s no blame on you anymore. I promise.)

A passive-aggressive narcissist combines the traits of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) with passive-aggressive behavior, resulting in a unique and often confusing profile. Some key characteristics of a passive-aggressive narcissist include:

1. External Facade of Humility: While they may appear humble and self-effacing on the surface, underneath lies a deep-seated sense of entitlement and superiority. They may use their apparent humility as a manipulative tool to gain sympathy and attention.

2. Indirect Expression of Anger: Instead of openly expressing their anger or frustration, a passive-aggressive narcissist may resort to subtle, indirect methods such as sarcasm, backhanded compliments, or subtle sabotage. This allows them to maintain a facade of innocence while still exerting control and asserting dominance. It also gives them the upper hand in case of them not getting the results they intended. The hurt or pain caused by the person they threaten means nothing to them, only the outcome that benefits them.

3. Manipulative Tactics: Like other narcissists, a passive-aggressive narcissist is skilled in manipulation. They may use guilt, emotional blackmail, or passive resistance to get what they want without appearing overtly aggressive, confrontational, and remaining their “innocence” intact.

4. Fear of Abandonment: Despite their facade of self-assurance, many passive-aggressive narcissists harbor a deep-seated fear of abandonment. This fear can drive them to engage in manipulative behaviors to maintain control and avoid rejection. Thought this method are usually only found in people who have grown up without caring families.

5. Lack of Accountability: THIS IS A BIG ONE- Taking responsibility for their actions can be a challenge for a passive-aggressive narcissist. They may deflect or blame onto others, make excuses, or play the victim to avoid facing consequences for their behavior.Behaviors of a Passive-Aggressive Narcissist

The behaviors exhibited by a passive-aggressive narcissist can be both subtle and perplexing. Some common behaviors include:

1. Procrastination: Intentionally delaying tasks or responsibilities as a form of passive resistance or to avoid taking accountability.

2. Sarcasm and Backhanded Compliments: Using sarcasm or giving compliments with underlying criticism to subtly undermine others and assert dominance. (i.e. “That’s impressive- would be more impressive if it was like what I did….)

3. Avoidance: Avoiding direct confrontation or communication about issues that they are the center of, instead choosing to express dissatisfaction or resentment indirectly.

4. Confrontation: Will start confrontation with anyone around them (mainly those close to them) pointing out flaws that in most cases-fighting those same flaws on a deeper level.

5. Playing the Victim: Portraying themselves as the victim to garner sympathy and deflect blame, even when they are the ones causing the conflict or issue.

5. Gaslighting: Manipulating others into doubting their own perceptions, feelings, or memories to maintain control and avoid accountability.

(Number Five is one of the biggest RedFlags. Studies show, every narcissist has portrayed this)

Implications and Impact

Dealing with a passive-aggressive narcissist can be emotionally draining and confusing. Their subtle manipulation and lack of accountability can lead to:

1.Relationship Strain: Their manipulative behaviors and lack of genuine empathy can strain relationships, making trust and communication difficult. Not to mention until the victim of these people will remain under their wrath until they are strong enough to cut them off completely. A narcissist will never change until they face the world without aiding and abiding.

2. Emotional Distress: Being on the receiving end of passive-aggressive behaviors can lead to feelings of frustration, confusion, and emotional distress.

3. Stunted Personal Growth: The constant manipulation and lack of accountability can hinder personal growth and self-esteem, as individuals may start doubting themselves and their worth. This goes especially for children and teens (mostly teens) for they aren’t mentally developed enough to understand that it the issue isn't them. Especially if it is someone the child looks up to.

Coping Strategies

Navigating a relationship with a passive-aggressive narcissist requires patience, self-awareness, and boundary-setting:

1. Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries for acceptable behavior and communicate them assertively. Stick to your boundaries and enforce consequences if they are violated.

2. Seek Support: Talk to trusted friends, family members, or a therapist about your experiences. They can provide validation, perspective, and support.

3. Practice Self-Care: Take care of your emotional and mental well-being. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation and prioritize your needs and boundaries.

4. Consider Professional Help: If the relationship becomes too challenging to manage, consider seeking couples therapy or counseling to address the issues and develop healthier communication and coping strategies.

When Dealing with These People.

In conclusion, the passive-aggressive narcissist presents a unique and complex personality profile that combines the traits of narcissism with passive-aggressive behavior. Understanding the characteristics, behaviors, and implications of this personality type is crucial for effectively navigating relationships with them. By setting boundaries, seeking support, practicing self-care, and considering professional help when needed, individuals can better cope with the challenges posed by a passive-aggressive narcissist and maintain their emotional well-being.

Dealing with a toxic narcissist can be challenging and emotionally draining. Their manipulative behavior, lack of empathy, and sense of entitlement can create a toxic environment that impacts your mental and emotional well-being. While it’s not always possible to change a narcissist’s behavior, there are strategies you can employ to protect yourself and maintain your own well-being. Here are some tips on how to deal with a toxic narcissist:

1. Set Boundaries

Establishing clear boundaries is essential when dealing with a toxic narcissist. Clearly communicate what behaviors are unacceptable and what you will and will not tolerate. Stick to your boundaries and enforce consequences when they are violated, even if it means distancing yourself from the narcissist.

2. Limit Contact

If possible, limit your exposure to the toxic narcissist. Reduce the amount of time you spend with them and avoid situations where their behavior is likely to escalate. This can help protect your mental and emotional health and reduce the negative impact of their toxic behavior on your life.

3. Maintain Perspective

Remember that the narcissist’s behavior is a reflection of their own issues and insecurities, not a reflection of your worth or value. Try not to take their actions and words personally and remind yourself that you cannot control or change them.

4. Don’t Engage in Arguments

Narcissists thrive on conflict and drama. Avoid engaging in arguments or confrontations with them, as this will only escalate the situation and give them more opportunities to manipulate and control you. Instead, remain calm, assertive, and focused on maintaining your boundaries.

5. Seek Support

Talk to trusted friends, family members, or a therapist about your experiences with the toxic narcissist. They can provide validation, perspective, and support, and help you develop coping strategies and maintain your emotional well-being.

6. Practice Self-Care

Taking care of yourself is crucial when dealing with a toxic narcissist. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, prioritize your physical and emotional health, and set aside time for self-care. This will help you stay resilient and better able to cope with the challenges posed by the narcissist.

7. Consider Professional Help

If the relationship with the toxic narcissist becomes too challenging to manage on your own, consider seeking professional help. A therapist or counselor who specializes in narcissistic personality disorder and toxic relationships can provide guidance, support, and strategies to help you navigate the situation and maintain your well-being.

8. Stay Safe

If you feel that your safety is at risk due to the toxic narcissist’s behavior, prioritize your safety above all else. Seek help from law enforcement or a domestic violence hotline if necessary and take steps to protect yourself physically and emotionally.

All and all, dealing with a toxic narcissist requires patience, resilience, and self-care. By setting boundaries, limiting contact, maintaining perspective, avoiding arguments, seeking support, practicing self-care, considering professional help, and prioritizing your safety, you can navigate the challenges posed by the narcissist and maintain your mental and emotional well-being. Remember, it’s okay to prioritize your own needs and well-being, even if it means distancing yourself from a toxic individual.

A Note From The Author K.R.FIelds…

This was a very personal article for me. It took me years to understand what these types of people where and how not one of them where alike. I dated one (even had kids with him.) I also have member of my immediate family that are even worse in this. Unless you know the flags or warning signs to look for it can be very decieving. A lot of these people can even seem charming, loving, unlike anyone you’ve met. But what I learned the hard way..and please make sure to remember this…

If they seem to good to be true….they probably are.


About the Creator

Kristen Bansfield -Pen Name K.R.Fields

Self-taught inspiring writer. This lady wants to be part of the story in the process of writing stories. She never chose writing, Writing chose her.

Find other stories on Medium/poetizer etc by user name-K.R.Fields

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  • anataabout a month ago

    narcissism - ii wish ii could relate to the human part of it all. ii didn't even know about gaslighting then. hate is all ii felt. justified or not, logically, empathy is the way. doesn't feel like it when you get burned enough to end it.

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