What’s Your Christmas Tree Personality?

When I first thought about how to identify personality types for Christmas trees, high school cliques and cliches came to mind. How fun would it be to find out if you were still a jock, Goth, nerd, or wallflower. Then my background as an academic coupled with recent professional developments kicked in. Was this topic DEI (Diversity, Equity and Inclusion) compatible? Categorizing people based on types of Christmas trees is laden with issues.

One, people might actually identify as a tree. What would you actually call such a person? An arborite? I’m sure a name exists these days. Two, only coming up with a few categories would mean I was not making use of enough letters of the alphabet to form a movement. Three, America has done so much work to break down barriers (sense my sarcasm here) that I would be putting them right back up. Perhaps I would be right on trend. Hmmm. Four, by having a limited number of categories I would not be inclusive enough. Five, but by having categories I would be too exclusionary.

So, I opted to numb this writing a bit by keeping things fairly neutral. Why? Because someone reading this might not even believe in Jesus but is the first one to put up a Christmas tree. Or someone who knows the true origins of Christmas trees is happy to find a new person to take down with their knowledge. This would open a great dialogue in the comments below for how Jesus wasn’t even born in December, let alone winter time; trees have nothing to do with Christianity except for building temples to honor God; and so much more. It could also be a great segue to an article I just read on Vocal.media about how a lot of Christmas songs were written by Jewish composers (hence the lack of “Jesus” in many of our Christmas favorites). You can read about that here.

Now I am going to climb halfway out from the rabbit hole and have a little fun.

My Adventures of Christmas Trees Past

Once upon a time, back when I was married, it was a big tradition to go hunting for a Christmas tree. This was no small affair. There was no driving to a lot and picking out a tree that was who knows how old and more than likely not locally sourced. No, we drove to a farm where you were handed an axe and told which direction the species of tree you were looking for was. Then it was up to you to chop down the tree of your choice, haul it back, have it weighed, and then tie it to the top of your vehicle.

I no longer celebrate “Christmas” (meaning that commercialized version where people stress that they don’t have enough money to buy gifts to present as a man who doesn’t exist but gets all the glory), nor do I hunt trees. But I do go to church, read my bible, and courteously say, “Happy Holidays”, no matter how many times the person keeps repeating “Merry Christmas.” People get brownie points—and a very pleasant exchange of conversation—if they actually ask if I celebrate before wishing me a happy anything.

How Your Christmas Tree Personality Is Calculated

First, you automatically get 100 points if you prefer real trees to artificial Christmas trees. Second, based on how much flair you like for your tree, you will be categorized as Deck The Halls, Room To Spare, or Barely There. Third, you will be matched to a holiday movie with a Christmas tree similar to your decoration style. Fourth, hopefully you realize there is no true calculation going on here and very little rhyme or reason. Just fun!

Here's the part that is based on actual research. I compiled the short list of trees based on species, their top qualities and popularity (or uniqueness) as a Christmas tree. Then I grouped them based on what Christmas tree personality would be best suited for the species of tree. Each recommended tree’s common name is followed by its Latin name in parentheses.

Real Versus Artificial Christmas Trees

I would be remiss if I did not cover the whole real Christmas tree versus artificial Christmas tree debate. Short version: there is no debate. A real tree is the only way to go. Period. But I will be fair and highlight some pros and cons to real versus artificial Christmas trees.

Pros For Real Christmas Trees

• They smell great. Talk about adding color and natural fragrance all in one shot.
• You can pick something unique each year.
• They can stay alive well beyond December.
• Any branches you cut off you can use for decoration elsewhere. Did somebody say “wreath”?
• Season the wood to burn in your fireplace the next year.
• DIYer? Bring out your inner woodcrafter and create something one-of-a-kind.

Pros For Fake Christmas Trees

• You only have to buy a tree once, also known as major cost savings.
• For those short on time and holiday spirit, there are versions that come pre-decorated.
• If you love techno-wizardry, you can get a tree that spins. No more trying to manually rotate a tree to find “the good side” or straining your neck to see your ornament that got tucked towards the back.
• There is no clean up of needles. Each year you just need to dust it off and pop it up.
• Nowadays there is a lot of variety in tree choice, including colors like white, green, blue, purple.

Cons For Real Christmas Trees

• You need to consider your pets in your decision and decorating.
• Speaking of pets, real trees often have happy little surprises. One time our tree had a bird’s nest…free decoration!
• Needles can end up any- and everywhere, which means a lot of clean up. This includes from the time of dragging it in the house to putting it out on the curb.
• You might have a Griswold Christmas scenario if your tree doesn’t fit like you thought it would. But you can easily chop some limbs off and slice the bottom.
• A lot of trees are simply grown to feed a created industry and might be species not beneficial for the surrounding environment.

Cons For Fake Christmas Trees

• A lot of time can be spent just trying to figure out how to assemble it. A least you don’t have to find the missing screw!
• You have to play Tetris and determine how to get it back in the box.
• They lack some “traditional” elements. For example, white Christmas trees used to be so “out there” and unique. But now you can get an LED tree that changes colors to music.
• The production of the trees has major environmental ramifications, which are too numerous to list here.

What’s Your Christmas Tree Personality?

Choosing the right Christmas tree is serious business for a lot of people and families. For some, it can literally make or break the “’Tis the Season” vibe. I have found, based on absolutely no research at all, that a person’s Christmas Tree Personality ranges from Barely There (think of the little tree with one red ornament from A Charlie Brown Christmas) to Deck The Halls (think of the window breaking, power outage from National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation). Where do you fall?

Deck The Halls

You love to cover every square inch of the Christmas tree. This does not mean you have no sense of style or elegance. You just prefer to go all out and let your holiday spirit shine. Often, it is the case that your decorating spirit extends from the Christmas tree all the way through the home and outside the home. Size does not matter here. Notice I used the word “home.” Whether you live in an apartment or house, you will find a way to Deck The Halls.

Your holiday movies are A Christmas Story and Home Alone. A Christmas Story shows how over the top the Christmas spirit can get, complete with blown circuits and a heavily decorated tree to the point of being lively yet tacky. Home Alone shows how bigger can still be sophisticated, stylish and tasteful.

The trees that best fit your Deck The Hall personality are Balsam Fir, Fraser Fir, Douglas Fir and Scotch Pine.

• Balsam Fir (Abies balsamea): Dark green, medium fragrance, strong branches
• Fraser Fir (Abies fraseri): Yellowish-green, strong fragrance, strong branches
• Douglas Fir (Pseudotsuga menziesii): Dark green, strong fragrance, strong branches
• Scotch Pine (Pinus sylvestris L.): Dark green, medium fragrance, strong branches

Room To Spare

Your Christmas tree is like the perfection sought in Goldilocks and the Three Bears. It’s not too hot or overly decorated. And it’s not too cold or pretty much stark naked. The decorations are based on a theme, tradition and/or sentimental value. You are sure to not overdo your decorations because there should always be room to spare. After all, you never know when a special new ornament will join the festivities.

Your holiday movies are any Christmas themed Hallmark or Lifetime movies. Hallmark movies never fail to show how miracles can happen even when all hope seems lost. These Christmas miracles range from gifting the perfect tree for all to see to someone adding the perfect ornament in the right place at the right time. Even though Lifetime movies do not always have the expected charm of a Hallmark movie, these slice of life movies captivate in their own way. Lifetime movies often show how there is always room to spare in our lives for something new, different and unexpected, especially during the holidays.

The trees that best fit your Room To Spare personality are Virginia Pine, Blue Spruce, Grand Fir and Noble Fir.

• Virginia Pine (Pinus virginiana): Green, medium fragrance, small-medium in height
• Blue Spruce (Picea pungens): Silver blue, strong fragrance, strong branches
• Grand Fir (Abies grandis): Yellowish-green, strong fragrance, strong branches
• Noble Fir (Abies procera): Dark green, strong fragrance, strong branches

Barely There

Just because your Christmas tree personality is Barely There does not mean you are all bah humbug. You have a Christmas tree; it is just the decorations are very efficient and utilitarian. The focus is on highlighting the ornaments that are chosen. Your tree can still be very elegant and pleasing through sheer minimalism. Many beautiful designs can be made with just lights, just garland, same-colored ornaments, and just tinsel.

Your holiday movies are A Charlie Brown Christmas and A Christmas Carol. In A Charlie Brown Christmas we see how sometimes the tree itself is the statement piece. Even though there is only one big bulb bending down the top of the tree, it perfectly coordinates with the little red tin it sits in. But sometimes the opposite is true, as in A Christmas Carol. I bet you didn’t realize that there is no Christmas tree in the original version of Dicken’s classic. The lack of a tree in this case shows how the spirit lives in the heart and not in physical manifestations.

The trees that best fit your Barely There personality are White Pine, White Spruce, Leyland Cypress and Concolor (White) Fir.

• White Pine (Pinus strobus): Light bluish-green, low fragrance, no heavy ornaments
• White Spruce (Picea glauca): Bluish-green; medium fragrance; short, sturdy leaves
• Leyland Cypress (Cupressus x Leylandii): Green, no fragrance, shaped like a pyramid
• Concolor Fir (Abies concolor): Bluish-green, medium fragrance, strong branches

The Wrap-Up

Time to wrap this up like a pretty little gift. If you are wondering how I determined which trees fit which personality type, you’re at the right place. For the Deck The Halls Christmas tree personality type, the focus was on trees that are most popular, classic, have a strong color, strong aroma and strong branches for holding lots of decorations. Trees selected for the Room To Spare Christmas tree personality type feature a range of colors, medium to strong fragrance and strong branches or a height that is good for smaller spaces. The trees for the Barely There Christmas tree personality type all have a unique feature like being good for allergies, color changing leaves, and fun shapes.