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The most comfortable relationship is to maintain "trouble desire"

most comfortable relationship

By davidPublished 2 years ago 8 min read

In the recently aired variety show "Flowers and Teenagers", there is such a clip:

Liu Mintao's mattress was wet. She turned on the hairdryer and tried to dry the sheets by herself.

When Yang Mi saw it, she proposed to find a moisture-proof pad, but Liu Mintao refused. She was afraid that the moisture-proof pad would make a creaking noise and affect others when sleeping.

Other guests offered to help, but Liu Mintao refused all of them.

Seeing this, Yang Mi patiently enlightened her: "Actually, the more you are afraid of causing trouble to others, the more trouble you may cause others, because it will make people who really care about you guess what your thoughts are."

Looking around us, this kind of scene happens from time to time.

Some people are afraid of bothering others, causing trouble for others, and invisibly adding a lot of pressure to themselves.

In fact, many good relationships are gradually established in the "trouble" of your coming and going.

Knowing how to trouble others is also a manifestation of high emotional intelligence.

Sorry for the trouble, the alienation is the relationship

We-media author @horn brother once shared his own story.

When he first arrived at the unit, he often ate and chatted with his colleagues, and he often asked his seniors for advice when he encountered something he didn't understand, and he quickly became acquainted with everyone.

And a colleague in the office next door was out of tune with them.

He found that this colleague commuted to get off work alone on time every day, and rarely spoke or interacted with other people.

Sometimes, when he went to fetch water, he would bring a pot of hot water back when he saw that his colleagues next door were busy.

Who knows, this colleague was a little overwhelmed by politeness. Early the next morning, he returned a pot of hot water.

Another time, Brother Horn met this colleague while eating breakfast and helped him settle the bill together.

As a result, when he returned to the office, he found some change on the table, and suddenly felt an inexplicable sense of life.

Slowly, he became self-aware, and occasionally bumped into this colleague in the corridor, just nodded politely, and hurriedly avoided it.

After working together for more than three years, the relationship between them is more distant than that of strangers.

Aristotle once said:

"Man is a social animal. No one can exist without society."

In life, we inevitably have all kinds of intersections with those around us.

We always think that troublesome people will be troublesome to others, and may also be hated by them.

But thinking about it carefully, those help and favors that belonged to the effort of the hand have brought the two sides closer.

American statesman Franklin, after becoming secretary to the governor, wanted to win the support of a congressman who disagreed with him.

He heard that the congressman had a very rare book in his collection, so he wrote a letter asking if he could lend it to him for two days.

Unexpectedly, the congressman brought the book over without saying a word.

In subsequent congressional sessions, the congressman also took the initiative to talk to Franklin, and the two of them gradually became good friends.

This is the famous "Franklin Effect": the best way to get people to like you is not to help them, but to let them help you.

Between people, it is often in some daily small things that they become familiar and close.

No matter how close the relationship is, people will gradually grow apart with the idea of ​​"fearing trouble" and "not disturbing", and finally get separated in the crowd.

Only when you know how to trouble others properly can you better maintain a relationship and move forward hand in hand on the future road.

Know how to trouble others, the feelings can heat up

Writer Connie once said:

"Many people have a misunderstanding in building relationships: it's not good to cause trouble for others. But only moderate trouble can build deeper connections."

In the TV series "Little Joy", Fang Yuan and Ji Shengli are old classmates. They have not seen each other for more than ten years, and the two have become very estranged.

Facing Ji Shengli in a high place, Fang Yuan wanted to reminisce and get closer to each other, but he didn't know how to speak.

Until one day, Ji Shengli took the initiative to ask Fangyuan for help, and the relationship between the two gradually became closer.

Ji Shengli hitched a ride with Fangyuan and asked Fangyuan to teach him how to make soup; at the same time, he also wanted his son to go to Fangyuan's wife's friend to make up lessons and ask him to help him with a word.

Ji Shengli's request for help broke the embarrassment that they had not seen for a long time, and their relationship was as close as ever.

To get along with people, it is not necessary to be inseparable in order to have a deep relationship.

Sometimes, a small request for help can bring both parties closer.

In the book "Puppy Money", there is such a story.

Gia's parents bought a house, but because they didn't know how to manage money, the family lived very hard.

One day, they took in a puppy named Qian Qian.

The puppy's owner, Mr. Jin, is a financial expert. He had a car accident not long ago, so he couldn't take care of it.

Gia made a suggestion: "Dad, why don't you talk to Mr. Kim about your financial situation?"

Father hesitated: "I don't think he would be interested in this."

The mother also went on to say: "It shouldn't bother others."

Later, at Gia's insistence, the parents agreed to go to Mr. Jin's place and trouble him to give advice on the financial situation.

Unexpectedly, Mr. Kim was happy to help.

Under Mr. Jin's suggestion, the family's financial situation has improved a lot, and their relationship has become closer through mutual help.

The relationship between people is always mutual.

A good relationship is not about being wonderful, but going both ways. Moderate trouble can shorten the psychological distance between each other.

Human affairs, to a certain extent, it is precisely because they owe each other that they will miss each other and establish a stable and long-lasting relationship.

The highest level of emotional intelligence is being good at asking for help

In this world, no one can solve all problems alone.

Knowing how to ask for help when faced with difficulties is a rare wisdom.

A netizen shared his experience.

Years ago, she interned at a newspaper with many well-known editors.

As a newcomer, she is careful at work, for fear of saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing, even if there is something she doesn't understand, she doesn't dare to ask.

However, Lele, who entered the newspaper as an intern at the same time as the netizens, was completely different.

As soon as Lele encountered something she didn't understand, she chased after her seniors for advice, but she was able to say the questions that netizens were ashamed to ask.

Netizens thought that after a long time, colleagues and seniors would be troubled.

But slowly he found that the person whom Lele asked for help not only did not dislike her, but became more familiar with her and always greeted her with a smile.

Lele is well-liked in the company and grows fast, and soon became the first person among the interns who successfully turned into a regular.

Only then did netizens understand:

Regardless of status or wealth, an important factor for people to feel their own value is to be needed by others.

In life, some people are afraid to ask others for help, worry about being rejected, and don't want to cause trouble to others.

However, many times, in the face of reasonable requests, not only will others not dislike them, but they will also gain a sense of value that is needed.

After all, no one is an island in this world.

When encountering problems that cannot be solved independently, no matter how hard you compete with yourself, it is difficult to make substantial progress.

Asking for help allows us to borrow the strengths of others to make up for our own shortcomings, and at the same time save a good relationship for ourselves.

In "Man and Eternity" there is this sentence:

"All communication has an insurmountable boundary. The boundary is not clear, but it is certain. All troubles and conflicts arise from unintentional attempts to cross this boundary."

No matter how good the relationship is, if you trouble others, you should pay attention to your sense of proportion and grasp the "degree" between people.

Here are a few tips for seeking help from others:

1. Trouble others, have empathy.

We sometimes meet people like this:

When you are overwhelmed, come over and let you do things for him; when you are kind to help, instruct you in the process.

When you trouble others, learning to empathize and maintain empathy is an indispensable emotional intelligence.

The most appropriate request is to ask others to do what is easy for him to do.

This will not put pressure on the other party, but also solve the problem efficiently.

2. To trouble others, stop in moderation.

When asking for help from others, it's especially important to have a good grasp of the scale.

Neither take an inch nor take the help of others for granted.

Try not to trouble others with the things you can do yourself; even if you ask others to help, you have to do your best.

Blindly consuming other people's energy and resources will make even the kind-hearted people feel bored.

After all, it is love for others to help, and it is duty not to help.

3. To trouble others, be polite.

No one wants to give blindly and never get anything in return.

You helped me once, and I'll be there for you the next time you need it.

Knowing how to give back can make getting along more comfortable.

If you send an umbrella in the rain, I will send charcoal in the snow.

Vote for me with Mu Tao, and repay it with Qiong Yao.


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