How To Survive Trump Tariffs

As someone who grew up in the Soviet Union under frugality and scarcity of everything, I’m here to share my experience and tips on how to survive Trump tariffs that will inevitably increase prices for all consumer goods, services and food products.

1. Learn how to cook. Buy only the groceries that you will absolutely need to cook. No fast food, eating out, meal delivery and forget about the Walmart deli. You won’t be able to afford it. Also, convince yourself that standing in line for groceries and other consumer goods is a good way to catch up with your neighbors.

2. Start growing food in your backyard. Invest in a greenhouse while they are sold at old prices. If you have no backyard, start growing food in pots.

3. Build a well in your backyard. Water is going to get a lot pricier. Mentally prepare that at some point, there will be a tariff on breathing the air as well.

4. Having your own source of power is important. Buy parts at today’s prices while they are still available (they all come from China, so once Lowe's and Home Depot run out of the current inventory they will also hike the prices) and build your own solar power system. If you rent, prepare to be screwed on two fronts: your landlord will increase the rent because (s)he wants to be a billionaire like Musk and the utility companies will charge you more just because they can and they always do.

5. Stay healthy. Exercise, eat little and learn the basics of herbal medicine. Forget about seeing the doctors. Learn self-healing and wellness practices. Healthcare will be out of your reach in several months.

6. Don't cut corners on oral hygiene. Healthy mouth - healthy gut - healthy person. Dentists will be too expensive, so learn to make your own toothpaste out of baking soda and peroxide. Collect newspapers for when you run out of toilet paper. Also, get some soap recipes off the Internet. Irish Spring bars will cost you a left arm and your dirty right foot.

7. Learn to knit, crochet, and make thread/yarn out of hemp. Grow hemp in your greenhouse (see p.2). In less than a year you will learn that the weed is good not only for recreation/ distraction but also for clothes and rope-making. If you are quick and smart enough, you can even start selling rope to your neighbors. They will need so much of it you might become a billionaire sooner than you can imagine.

8. Learn to mend, patch and repair your clothes and shoes. If you have kids, teach the younger ones the blessings of wearing clothes of their older siblings and re-cut adult clothes of their parents. They should be grateful for wearing clothes at all.

9. Learn and teach your children to wash clothes by hand and master the art of sun-drying. Sun-drying is good for tomatoes, fruits and berries as well.

10. Convince your spouse and kids that foraging and canning is a great family fun activity. That way you will also have something to eat in the winter. Make sure to learn how to tell a poisonous mushroom from a good one.

11. Instead of summer camps, send your kids to Florida factories and strawberry fields after the state relaxes its child labor laws. Good way to supplement your family income.

12. Buy a hunting gun and learn how to hunt, cut and skin a deer, a bear, and even some squirrels. Learn how to make winter clothing out of hides and furs. Bear and beaver fat is great medicine. Deer - not so much.

13. Ditch your EV for a good old beat-up American gas guzzler. The gas prices will go up but the fact that you can find domestic car spare parts for your old vehicle at junk yards will offset the gas costs.

14. Business opportunity: start a chicken coop. Eggs are still expensive, you can sell them at a great profit. Weren’t the eggs the main reason for the cultists to have voted for Trump in the first place? Also, learn to kill chickens for meat and use their feathers for pillows.

15. Forget about family vacations and entertainment in general. Save every penny to pay that mortgage and finance your own retirement. Social Security will not be there for much longer.

16. Cash out all your investments, stop buying lottery tickets (they are a tax on the stupid), and close all your banking accounts. Keep your cash near your gun.

17. Thrifting, junk yard scouting and yard sales hunting may bring you unexpected pleasures and treasures, while they still happen. Learn them not for hobby but for art and profit. At some point, everyone will start running out of everything.

18. Change your attitude. These are all temporary hardships anyway. Be grateful you are making America great again.

If I forgot something, please share your wisdom to add to this practical survival guide. Many thanks to Raymond G. Taylor for the suggestion about store lines as neighborhood chats.