How To Deal With Bullies At Work

The thing about bullies is that deep down they are nothing more than cowards. They try to use intimidation and fear to get what they want. Unfortunately, their victims fall all too easily into the trap of being afraid and give in to their demands. In many cases, if not all, bullies are people who have themselves been bullied and have learnt how it works. Ergo, bullying is not genetic, it is learnt behaviour. But you do not have to be a victim to bullies if you calmly sit down and think it through to yourself and see it for what it really is.

I am of course speaking from a long miserable experience of being bullied as a child. You see, that is the other common trait in bullies, they always pick on somebody who they perceive to be weaker than themselves. And sadly the victims are usually too afraid not only to stand up to the bully, but also to report the matter to somebody who can help them. "And if you tell anybody about this I will come looking for you and kill you." is a very powerful and all too common threat. And the reason bullies make this threat is because they are the ones who afraid of the consequences of their actions.

In my childhood I finally learnt to the resolve the problem with a big fat punch on the nose to anybody who dared to threaten me. Not once did I ever suffer any comeback. On the contrary, I never ever had to suffer any more of that bullying nonsense from the perpetrators.

In my adult years I was also bullied and instead of punching my way out of it I chose a different route. I once worked as a delivery driver for a pizzeria in the period immediately after my first divorce. The benefits were that it was cash in hand and all the pizza I could ever wish for. However, the wife of one of the owners was really quite a bully in the kitchen and it did not go down well with me, so I quit.

The very next night there was a knock on my front door. It was the other delivery driver who had been sent round to inform me that I did not return they would go round to my house to break my legs. Oh dear, did they ever knock on the wrong door to make that little threat.

I got in my car and drove straight down to the pizzeria to have it out with them. I strode right into the open kitchen behind the counter and grabbed hold of the part owner by the collar. I told the owner in no uncertain terms that I was not in anyway afraid of his threat and that I was very close to shoving his head in the oven.

The man cowed and started to apologise and claimed it was all a big misunderstanding, and would I like to choose any pizza I liked as a gesture of goodwill. I took him up on that and I have to tell you pizza never tasted so good. Ever after that, whenever this man saw me in the street he was ever so polite and respectful. Problem solved.

A year or two later I found myself working in an office with fifteen other salesmen under a bully boss who earned a ten percent over ride on the amount of business every salesman under him achieved. That amounted to fifty thousand pounds a year, in addition to his own 100,000 pounds a year base salary. Eventually I decided to leave to work in a more stable job out of town. I was one of two people to hand in his notice at that time and the boss was not pleased to see two of his best salesmen walk out of the door, along with the ten thousand pounds a year they were worth to his salary. He asked to speak to me in private, in a little office off the big open plan room were we all worked.

"Ok, so the thing is if you leave there is the small matter of money to consider. If I don't get what I want I can easily arrange to have your legs broken."

That was so not the wisest thing to say to somebody like me. I have been round the block and I can look after myself. Of course, this man was more than capable of carrying out his threat, but I honestly doubted he would and I was so not afraid. In fact I was angry that the little shit thought he could bully me in that way to get what he wanted.

The next day I went in to work as normal to clear out my things and the boss was sat at his desk. Just as I was about to leave he called me over to his desk.

"Shall we go into the private little office to have a chat?" he said.

I looked him square in the eye as I stood back up and shouted so everybody could hear. "No, let's not go into your private little office where you can threaten to have my legs broken." Every telephone in the room went down. Every single salesman wanted to hear what was going down.

"You see Bossman..." I said as sarcastically as I could ".....if you arrange to have my legs broken I want every single man in this room to know all about it. And then the rest of that fifty thousand pounds a year over ride you presently enjoy will want to walk right out of that door with me." That really pissed him off, being called out in front of everybody in the office.

He clenched his teeth and snarled at me "Shut up you bastard or I'll come and turn you upside down right here and now." I didn't bat an eyelid.

"Ok big boy, go for it, I dare you to try motherfucker. Now shut the feck up because I'm going." And with that I strode confidently past him right out the front door.

The only thing I heard about this was from the other guy who was leaving. He told me that thug had confided in him that he was deeply sorry he had ever made that threat and realised it was so the wrong thing to do. After that I never heard any more.

In my experience what bullies do not like is when their victim stands up to them. That is not normally a part of the script they have in their heads. Unfortunately, for all sorts of reasons, but mostly fear, young victims all too often give in to bullies for a peaceful life. However, once a bully succeeds he or she will never go away. They will simply continue to torture their victim and not give them any peace at all.

My advice is that if you are physically smaller and weaker than your tormentor then tell somebody, a parent, an older brother or the police.Once the problem is out in the open it often goes away.