4 Things to Keep in Mind Before Trying to Change People’s Mind

Most of us probably, at least once, have already tried convincing someone but terribly failed. But what can we say? It’s really hard to change someone’s opinion when you have conflicting views.

To help you, here are 4 simple things to keep in mind when trying to convince others.

1. Anticipate Resistance

What does 3rd law of motion say? It states that if a body exerts a force on a second body, the second body exerts a force that is equal in magnitude and opposite in direction to the first force. Therefore, if you try to press an opinion, idea, argument or any of that sort to someone, certainly there will be a resistance.

Do not be surprised if you face such response. You must anticipate it. Majority get vexed and displeased by the refusal to accept despite the clear and compelling justifications, facts and evidences that support their side.

What does the 3rd law of motion say? It states that if a body exerts a force on a second body, the second body exerts a force that is equal in magnitude and opposite in direction to the first force. Therefore, if you try to press an opinion, idea, argument or any of that sort to someone, certainly there will be a resistance.

Do not be surprised if you face such response. You must anticipate it. Majority get vexed and displeased by the refusal to accept despite the clear and compelling justifications, facts and evidences that support their side.

The success of your persuasion to change someone’s mind lies on how you handle their defiance. Remember that the more force you apply, the stronger they hold their grounds.

You might have the best intentions for changing someone’s mind, you might be right, but there will always be reluctance on the opposing side. So, you must anticipate and be prepared for their retort.

2. Don’t Sound Like a Boss

One thing's for a certain: nobody wants to be told what to do! As humans, we hate it. We loath it down to our very bones. So, why would you talk to someone you want to convince in an order-like manner as if you are superior? Don't try to mandate someone if you want to change his mind.

Even when you’re obviously right, you’re commanding tone would deter you’re inducement.

You must understand that control is fragile to us humans. What makes us ourselves is the ability to chose and decide what we think is the best for us. Once we feel that this capacity to make rational and uncoerced decision is taken away from us, we are threatened and would more likely be insurgent to the persuasion.

Instead of sounding like a boss, commanding "do this not that," or "believe this not that," why not try to pose questions? That's what Jonah Berger suggests in her article: How to persuade people to change their behavior. "Questions shift the listener's role. It encourages people to commit to the conclusion, because while people might not want to follow someone else's lead, they're more than happy to follow their own."

So next time, avoid saying, for example, "stop smoking, it’s bad for your health," but ask, "do you think that smoking is good for you?" In that way, you can let them be in control. You do not instruct them what should they do but let them choose what decision would be best. There’s a higher chance that they’ll reconsider what good does smoking really do.

Galileo once said, "You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him to find it within himself."

3. Don’t Be an Enemy

Stop your war-like approach! You engage to people trying to change their mind with a belligerent attitude and think that they would listen to you? You might have the right ideas and all the facts, but unless you're agreeable, no one will listen to you. People won't accept your ideas if they don't first accept you.

Don't make them feel you're an enemy.

Be a friend, instead of being a harsh opponent. Proffer yourself as a gift rather than an attack. Be harmless and never hint threat. In that way there’s higher chance that you’ll be received, like how ancient Troy accepted the Trojan horse from the Greeks.

As Woodrow Wilson said, 28th U.S president, "If you come at me with your fists doubled, I think I can promise you that mine will double as fast as yours; but if you come to me and say, 'Let us sit down and take counsel together, and, if we differ from each other, understand why is it that we differ, just what the points at issue are,' we will presently find that we are not so far apart after all, that the points on which we differ are few and the points on which we agree are many, and that if we only have the patience and the candour and the desire to get together, we will get together."

4. Win People, Not the Argument

Have you ever had an argument with your partner or a friend where you know you're right, and you've proven so, but didn't fix the disagreement? For a reason, it's because winning the argument, doesn't mean winning the person.

As Dale Carniege said in his Book: How to win friends and influence people, "You may be right, dead right, as you speed along in your argument; but as far as changing another’s mind is concerned, you will probably be just as futile as if you were wrong."

You might prove them wrong with all your facts and win the argument, but you won't win them. Nobody likes to be proven wrong.

"Then what?" says Dale Carniege. "You will feel fine. But what about him? You have made him inferior. You have hurt his pride. He will resent your triumph."

"Then what?" says Dale Carniege. "You will feel fine. But what about him? You have made him inferior. You have hurt his pride. He will resent your triumph."

Don't just try to confute, but try to win their goodwill, then the possibility of changing their mind will follow.

Conclusion

Try to remember these things before you engage in argumentative discussions and alike to help you have better chances in convincing them. Be mindful in your approach and do not act carelessly. Try to really feel them and figure out how can you make them trust you and listen to you. It surely isn’t easy, but if you’re eager to do so, you shall carry the burden. And, you must listen too, because you might be the one who needs the change of mind after all.