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"[email protected]'s 1n the b0x?"

by Burnt Baguettes 21 days ago in satire
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A weird box was delivered on my porch and I have no idea who it is from.

"Wh@t's 1n the b0x?"
Photo by Brandable Box on Unsplash

My phone buzzed. I ignored it. It buzzed again. I tried to click snooze, but it clearly wasn't my alarm. I yawned as I rolled over to check my phone. It was 3:09 in the morning, and my ring doorbell camera went off four times.

“Who was ringing it at this time?” I thought to myself, and I was really thinking about just going back to bed and dealing with it in the morning. That usually works, but something told me to get up and investigate. I sighed and lugged myself out of bed. I rubbed my eyes as I slowly shuffled down the hallway and then down the stairs while looking at the blurry video that my doorbell camera was picking up.

It was completely black outside. I was not that surprised because it was 3 in the morning, but for some reason, my brain wasn't registering what was even going on anymore. It was too early but also too late in the night for my brain to actually function. It was a drone. like one of those flying things that no one could afford. Why in the world was someone flying one at 3 in the morning?

“Are you kidding me?” As I walked into the view of the door, there was the drone, just floating. It had something in its grasp. I did not order anything; I haven't in a good seven months. Unless it was my wish package from three years ago, probably not. It dropped the strange package on my doorstep and flew away once I was registered. I sit in the warm comfort of my house thinking about what I should do next. Should I open the door and get the package? Should I just wait until it's bright outside to open the package? or simply never open the package and hope that someone steals it and it becomes their problem?

all very convincing opinions. I don't know why something would be delivered with a drone at 3 in the morning. That just screams mystery and is a red flag. Something in me is telling me to run and tell the police about a strange package on my doorstep, but the rest of me is telling me to bring the package inside and open it. They delivered the package at night because they didn't want anyone to see it, so that might be something weird. What a mystery this package is.

I opened the door, grabbed the package from my porch, and shut the door. I must open with caution. It could be anything. I don't really know what anything could mean in this sense, but it was something strange, and if there is an apocalypse coming out of this package, I don't want it to be my fault. Maybe there is a disease that turns everyone into brain-rotting zombies. That makes me feel great about opening the package! I need to get off the internet.

Or it could be a package that the government didn't want anyone to find and delivered to the wrong house; that's why there was a drone. Maybe it was some sort of military weapon that hadn't been released yet, and they were going to spread terror throughout the city with it. The box was kind of small, so that probably wasn't the case.

I should just open it. I walked into the kitchen, grabbed a knife from the top drawer, and came back to open the package. I cut the tape, put the knife down, and opened the box. There was a note. From Xavier. That was my next-door neighbor, who never left his house. The note read, “Hi neighbor, I just configured my drone to drop packages off. Cool right? Anyway, I wanted to test it out on you because you don't work late hours. Enjoy the gift!”

I looked down, and there was a one-dollar bill. Wow, that was very underwhelming. I kind of wanted it to be from the government or some brain-rotting disease. I'll take the dollar, though. I wonder what weird things he will do next.

satire

About the author

Burnt Baguettes

I like to write sad, dystopian lesbian love stories. That is all you really need in life.

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  • M21 days ago

    Nice ending

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