We’ll be right, mate!

Marty and Steve are two old men who live together. They have known each other for years. Marty has been a bachelor all his life. The two started living together when Steve’s wife passed away five years ago. Marty always told Steve it was a wonder she put up with him for that long.

Marty didn’t know much about modern technology. He often asked Steve for help with various tasks. Steve was much better and, in many ways, more worldly. He did miss the good old days, though.

“Steve, my damn phone is broken again; can you look at it?” Marty asked, storming into the living room. Steve was reading the paper and waiting for the news to come on the TV.

“Have you got it turned on?” asked Steve, taking the mickey out of Marty.

“Of course I turned it on. I never turn it off, but it is just a blank screen.”

“What do you need to do that is so important?”

“None of your business,” replied Marty, feeling very defensive. “Maybe I want to call someone.”

“Ooooh!! Another secret date, hey, Marty, you dirty old bugger, give me a look,” said Steve as he grabbed the phone.

Just as he did, the TV lit up. The word NEWSFLASH shot across the screen in a continuous banner. Steve turned his attention to the TV.

“The world has been thrown into chaos with all smartphones being rendered useless. People worldwide are panicking because their main way to communicate has gone."

"It is believed to be the result of a terrorist attack generated by AI. Every government agency is on high alert to determine whether this is true. The President of the United States and key AI supporters, like Elon Musk, received a strange message.

Do not panic; try to reboot your phone, as this will not make any difference. We will update this report in the six o’clock news."

Marty was the first to speak. “I knew it." “I knew no good would come of that damn AI bullshit!”

“Settle, Marty, you’ll give yourself a heart attack. We’ll be tight, mate. We don’t need a smartphone.”

“Well, that’s alright for you. You don’t have Mary Cumquat on the hook for a hot date,” as Marty let the truth out.

“I promised I would call her today; what do I do now?”

“Listen, kimosabi, I bet you any money, she has a landline; remember those? Just imagine how impressed she will be when you call her on the landline.”

“Oh yes, I think she gave me her mobile number and her landline.”

“We have one of those too; you know, it's on the hallstand. You might have to dust it off a bit, but it still works. I paid the bill last week.”

Marty disappeared, now on a mission to call Mary, thanks to Steve’s advice.

Another news flash came on TV, grabbing Steve’s attention.

The lack of mobile phones is causing chaos. This is especially true for younger people. Kids are panicking because they can’t play games and are becoming agitated.

In some places, bank queues stretch to forty people. People are starting to understand they need real cash to make purchases. They can no longer just tap their phones and go.

[Twenty minutes later]

“Friday night, we’re on,” blurted Marty, pleased that he had been able to get in touch with Mary.

"Shhh! I'm listening to this,” replied Steve.

As the story unfolded, the true impact of a world without smartphones began to emerge. Experts warned that random attacks might happen. This could happen because people panic without a phone.

Psychologists even went as far as to say that if it continued, it could send people into depression. The effects included emergency services, plane flights, and a lack of GPS navigation. The list went on.

“This is serious,” Marty said, growing slightly worried.

“Marty, one of the good things about being old-fashioned in a situation like this is that we know what to do. Before everyone had mobile phones and smartphones, we managed just fine."

“How do you figure that, Einstein?”

“Well, for a start, we have a landline. We have a street directory in the hall cupboard, a little out of date, but it will do. We don’t ever order takeaway from DoorDash or Uber Eats, so that won’t affect us.”

“What about money?” asked Marty.

“We go to a bank as we always have. It may not be as easy, but we know how to do it, unlike the younger generation who probably doesn't even know what a bank is for.”

“Yes, the younger generation will be hit hardest. They don’t know anything else,” Marty said, starting to relax a bit.

“This could be fun to watch,” said Steve, starting to see a bright side. “Imagine couples at dinner. They have to talk face-to-face instead of texting each other."

"There won't be as many photos flying around either. Younger people wouldn’t know how to use a proper camera. What’s up with people who snap a pic of their coffee and post it on social media with a note like, “Just having coffee!”? Who gives a shit?”

“We’ll be right, mate, don’t you worry. Let’s make a list of what we need to think about. We lived through a war; don’t forget. We can survive them without a mobile phone,” reassured Steve.

"O.K.," said Marty with some hesitation. “It is the fact that AI is behind it that scares the hell out of me; we should have left it well enough alone.”

“We’ll be right, mate. Let’s make a cup of tea. That solves everything. We might be old farts, but in this case we are better off," added Steve with a chuckle.

Till next time,

Calvin

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