The Train of Thought

Kalki had a lingering feeling of a headache. Surely, the train should slow down at any point now? It has been rumbling for so long. She was feeling tired. But she kept sensing a weight of intense intention to be there. Argh. She looked out the window from where she stood. The scenery was beautiful. A few mountains and water downstream. Strange. It felt like…she had seen it before..Before she could match what she thought to words she saw a shadow and quickly saw the window. Wait, is that? Gasp. She rushed to the window. THUD. She hit her head on the railing. “Arghh.” She winced. A board..a signboard. She just slid and missed the words. Shit. For a second there, that looked like..

“Hmm, maybe we should try the simulation again.”

Faint voices. But where are they coming from? She looked around. There wasn’t anyone around. Maybe a receiver having some interference? She thought. Her mental self pat got interrupted.

“No, I think it is not going to work. I told you it wasn’t worth testing.” Oh. the man’s voice sounded as though he was in a hurry.

She scanned her arms across the space behind her. Nope. Nothing here. Maybe outside the door?

“Maybe the subject isn’t fully asleep. Why are you reducing the Immersivity index?” A woman’s voice.

Subject? Who was the subject? Her? No. No. Who is the person and why wasn’t she able to see anyone around?!?

“It hasn’t worked. Why aren’t we able to see any interaction?” She heard the man’s voice become distant.

That sounds more like….Her thought switched back. Where am I?

She stopped and looked around. Where are these voices coming from? The compartment looked the same. There were berths suspended from top, a lever for a berth to be seated, height just enough for a person to stand up, a narrow passage to the end of the compartment and windows on either sides.

The voices had suddenly stopped. Kalki felt a mild jerk. It looked like the train was approaching a tunnel. The lights dimmed down with a fade white light in the chamber. There was a mild sound of a heel. A faint light. Just enough to monochrome her vision. She thought a deep voice cough softly. As if in a long distance away approaching her. She felt frozen in her tracks even though she knew she wanted to leave the train. But how? She couldn’t get down anywhere as the train hadn’t slowed down since. Since. Since..? Since when? She felt a panic rushing mildly creeping on her as she couldn’t remember when she boarded the train. She quickly checked her pockets, no ticket as well. And no signs of slowing down as well.

“Holy shit, it is working.” Ah. It was the woman’s voice. There was no response. Looks like the man left.

She heard a movement behind her.

Startled, she turned her reflexes full on point charging on the fleeting outline she witnessed while turning. Her arms pushed through the freeze and she caught the outline and held the face directly under the monochrome light.

Holy Cow. It was Mr Madan.

CHAPTER 2

“Where is she?” Gaurav had his head rested on his hands as he turned to call his wife. “Rajini!” His hand moved to table lamp as he nervously started flicking the switch. He heard his wife enter the room answering him.

“I don’t know, she was mad at me for telling her to stay away from the lab.” Her eyes floated and fixed on the photograph of Gaurav, herself and Kalki laughing in white coats. Oh my god, we almost look like… Her eyes suddenly widened. Rajini rushed to her cupboards to look for something worriedly.

As she scanned through the contents of the shelf, she could hear Gaurav distressing.

“Her phone is switched off, she didn’t drop by at her friend’s place. This is not looking good. We should think of..”

Rajini had a hunch. As she scouted through the shelves, she opened her third row from the top and the second from the bottom. Her mind dug into her conversations with Kalki.

“Prem would always ask your dad, “What does Rajini think of this?” Spring it was back in our times, when your dad and Prem became friends..” She had told her daughter about a friend of hers two years ago.

“He would always remind your father - Rajini would have something to say here, her questions always changes the landscape of what we do.”

“Wow. It feels like he would always tell the right thing. Tell me again na Amma, about how he would he would..” Kalki had asked with avid enthusiasm to know more about Prem who she had told Kalki was not in their lives anymore.

“Rajini!” Her thoughts were snapped by Gaurav who shook her suddenly. She turned.

“I think we have to call the police.” Gaurav was sweating profusely.

“I am thinking something.” She looked at him.

“Wasn’t she asking you about Prem again today?” She continued looking at him.

His face changed. His eye softened almost with a hint of embarrassment. “Yeah, she was asking about how he helped with The Thought…”

Rajini stopped his words as she held his shoulder.

“Did you tell her where it is kept? The model?” Rajini looked at him.

“I might have mentioned it fleetingly I don’t think she would have picked It up. I mean the lab she has entered, but the model, has a three phase authentication has a Photo password and not even a digital copy which she has no idea of. There is no…”

“Gaurav!”

Her anxiety felt more prominent as she had a blank mind with a convergence of a memory and her hands hitting dead ends to search. Her mind was going through all memories.

“You know Amma,” Kalki would ponder while eating ice cream, almost freezing Rajini on her tracks. “This model about traveling into people’s minds, don’t you think…let me put it this way, would you like it if someone could enter my mind?”

She had heard her and her mind had wandered. “Well, don’t you think it will help people who are hurt? Maybe we can talk to their minds?” she had heard herself saying.

Kalki had immediately responded, “But what if that’s not our choice to make?”

Kalki had struck something, she kept looking at her face. But Kalki’s mind would jump to asking about Prem immediately. “I wonder if pop’s friend Prem ever asked him to think about it.” She was eating ice-cream. The pista would always give her mini sneezes. “Well, Aa..a..Achooo…I love that he always treated you well. Pa is always excited about his own life most of the time.” Sniff. Pista had always made her nose pink.

Her memory treaded off as Gaurav’s voice reached her. Of course at that time she was smitten by his enthusiasm and his intelligence. He had revolutionised on how to make the subjects realised that they were dreaming… A pinch. One of her hands had made its way to the broken sharp edge of the folder with the cover of them in a decorated arch exchanging garlands. ‘The post GP era’ with a heart on it. It had their pictures with their friends as well. Gaurav was berating.

“You have been touchy about the showing the model to her and the world even though we can in fact use it to communicate with the directly with the minds of people? I mean, finally, after 40 years of being in research, after his betrayal, my paper….we…” he hesitated. “We.. need to tell her about his betrayal..”

Rajini stopped him in his mid-word as she saw up after screening the folder. Rajini said something completely different.

“The only picture of Prem with us, it isn’t on the albums. She has removed them.”

CHAPTER 3

“Hey. Hey. Who are you?” The man gasped and stared back at her from the ground.

The man looked familiar. Her head throbbed. She had her hand tightened. “I know you. But, but, how are you here? Unless…”

Then the thought came crashing to her. Snooping around to find about Prem wasn’t a good idea. She had gone one step further. Shit. She was in the run of The Thought.

“Shit. Shit. Shit…..Oh my god, I shouldn’t have I shouldn’t have I shouldn’t have. I did not think I would get trapped in here. Oh no..” she wailed as she pranced around throwing her hands over her head frantically.

Her voice started shivering as she moved to the walls of the compartment, the train had moved out of the tunnel and was shaking as she ran around touching and feeling the walls. The man got up bewildered and still in shock. He observed her as she ran around spacing her hands on the walls, attempting to sense something.

“The PINCH. The Pinch. Where is it? Where is it where is it where..” she wasn't paying attention her co-passenger.

“The PINCH is what we’d look for..” her dad had lectured her at their dinner table 3 years ago. Argh. So boring. “It is a dream-like state; not a dream.” He had beamed. “Nonetheless, we want the control to exit be to the subject. At any point the Immersivity Chamber, there will be a pin will connect a sensor in the Sleep Chamber, it will provide a prick or a slap depending on how strong you….” His voice had drifted away.

But where is it now when she needed to find it. Shit.

The man kept looking at her rubbing his neck and shocked.

“Who are you? And you said something about knowing me?..” his repeated himself several times before he was heard.

Kalki turned disappointed that there was indication of The PINCH even pulling the emergency alarm on the train. She kept thinking and catching her head. She finally replied to the man.

“Yes, you are Dr Madan, I know. My parents know you. They have told to me about you. About how you and dad were partners.”

“I’m not sure I understand what you’re talking about. I work with Priya and Gaurav, and we are on the brink of a major discovery. How did you enter The Thought?”

“I’m not here in person. Arghhh.” Her headache was increasing. “Technically, I’m dream traveling into the web of consciousness of all space and time.”

CHAPTER 4

“The longer she has run The Thought and is unconscious in the Sleeping Chamber the more her thought loops will increase. She has to know how to make The PINCH which I’m not sure she does. Why? Why would she want to go there? And How on earth did she know about Prem’s photograph?” Gaurav turned to his wife driving as he said the last question.

Rajini was silent as she drove her mind racing with all the times she spoke to Kalki about Gaurav and Prem. Of course she had always told that Gaurav and Prem were the partners and friends. She couldn’t give Prem a bad name with Kalki after what she had done to him.

One evening many years ago when Rajini had joined her new job as a Psychologist advisor after graduating. She entered and ran into a man with a Boy cut and with a full grin on his face.

“So happy to have you on the team! After reading your thesis we just couldn’t not call you in for an interview for this. Thank you for joining us.” Prem extended his hand and Rajini shook it nodding her head and smiling back.

Another man had come around and surprised her. “You are going to be so thrilled to work on this! This proposition might change the world.” Gaurav beamed.

And it did. Both the model and the two people. Of course she hadn’t mentioned that to Kalki. She would have to mention the other part as well.

“Did you tell Kalki about Prem’s betrayal? How he tried to destroy our work in the papers of the experiment we did on the compartment prototype years ago and how I pieced together the evidence as I found them now?” Gaurav kept staring at her. "How he destroyed the logs of running the The Thought as a train? How the model which made the subject enter the dream-state was making them think they were on a train? How we could have changed the facet of science and the meta-physical?"

“I felt like she need not know about bitter things you have carried over from friendships.” she replied. Gaurav turned his head. She blinked to his side momentarily. Of course she couldn’t tell what she had heard with her conversations with Kalki.

Her mind was racing between memories.

“You know RP, you are one step ahead of both of us most of the time.” Prem was sitting on the table and was having lunch with her. She had a few spoons and her expression had changed. He knew what it was. She got up and ran to the bathroom. “That’s two weeks now you have been nauseous. Must be the water, the filter is not replaced yet.” She had looked at him smiling. Her email box had popped with a new order confirmation with a subject “Test”.

She had went to open it but she had gotten distracted as he jumped down and walked towards the Sleeping Chamber and their Immersivity capsule. “Something that could make time slow down more natural and a closeted space seem normal.” Prem was talking to himself as well as her. “What could be an ideal environment for that?”

She had widened her eyes. Prem’s words geared her into action. She jumped into the computers to check the models they had tried. Home, office, garden, flight, mall environments have all been in use in the model but the Subjects hadn’t become comfortable enough to drift to deep sleep. What was the one place where movement, sound and yet the subject would comfortable with sleeping? Of course. How could she have missed it?

Subjects were the people who had volunteered for their ad to participate in the research by sleeping in the chamber when the 3 of them would observe their brain activities with advanced charts. She had been on the team only for advise on human mind dream projection analysis. She wasn’t allowed to talk to the subjects. After multiple trails, she had changed the course of their search. Instead of reading the mind of a person, they had reach the foundation of it, where it all came from. The root source. The interconnectivity of souls. A debated space in her circles, it fascinated her as well that they might be creating history. But was it right to bring this to the spotlight?

A mother of 3 who had volunteered for the research had asked her “Would this be released and all-uh? I mean you laugh at all of us right? You could know if you know I like someone in there?” she had asked as she pointed at the Immersivity Capsule. “What if someone steals something I don't want to say?.”

“I’m sure that won’t happen as we are the only ones in the world doing this.”

“How can you know? What if someone is reading yours right now? What about your kids?” she had asked.

She came back to the present as Gaurav exclaimed that she had missed an exit. “Where is your mind?” He turned away when he got a thought and turned back to her again.

“You have been like this ever since I told you I am planning to run the simulation with our last subject and call for a press conference. This could change the phase of the planet and human civilisation. Aren’t you excited?” Gaurav voice spoke of a genuine upsets.

She had been ecstatic. As she had arrived at the solution, two decades ago. “Let’s focus on getting to Kalki. Are we near the lab?”

“Yes almost, 10 minutes away.” Gaurav leaned on the window pane. “Either way, I don’t want any of it, the discovery the capsule, the immersion.” She thought she heard a mild sob. “I just want my daughter back, safe and sound.”

The tears she had been fighting back came pouring. One hand on the wheel, she slowly moved her other hand to hold Gourav’s. He retracted a little and then a moment later held it gently with his fingers.

CHAPTER 5

This was harder than she thought. She pranced about thinking what could she do for The PINCH. Too bad she hadn’t listened to dad when he was talking about it. Now that she wonders it, maybe dad wouldn’t have to parade all details if she had listened to him in the first place. Guilt swayed into her. Her new co-passenger however had sat down transfixed and hadn’t moved since.

Staring in front of him, she heard me kept whispering “It worked. The Train Illusion. That was it. That was it.” she got confused.

Her head kept throbbing as she walked to him. “What are you talking about? Look, I have no idea if you are a subject, I was looking around my dad’s lab regarding…something but I am unable to remember. And I am stuck here. If you know something, can you please help me? We can both get out of here. Wake up.”

He looked up to her. A young girl. How was she here? Priya had just made the discovery of the century and he was living right now in the truth of that. Or his mind was. But only they both knew. Or, so. He thought. But a young girl? She couldn’t be beyond 21. Their case study call out was for people over 30. How is she in here. Was there a second Sleeping Chamber? Unless. Unless she is from the inter-connective of consciousness?

From another time? The girl was having a throbbing headache and was prancing with her hand on the light flicking it. He knew immediately who it was. There were only 2 people who did that weird trot and the lamp flicking while being anxious.

“Who did you say your parents were?” He voice quivered a little at his realisation.

“I don’t think my parents came up, but my parents are Gaurav Naren and Rajini-Priya Naren. And you are Mr Prem Madan right? My mom has told me so much about yours and my dads work.”

He nodded mildly and let out an anxious sigh.

CHAPTER 6

Although he had realised it, Prem was still reeling from the surprise of a discovery that could potentially change the facet of study in human consciousness to the shock that he had just meant his colleagues unborn child on their prototype. He wanted to call out to RP from within the simulation. He decided that he had to make a call by uttering the password in the simulation to make a call to the executor. RP will hear it. This is unbelievable. Hers and Gaurav's daughter here. Wow. But wait.

He looked at Kalki. She wanted to leave. He would need to know why she came here to help her exit. It’s either the PINCH or a memory of why she was here. That would make her think about her body, feel it and she would wake up. From wherever. But why was she here?

The girl was sitting by the window as though waiting for something. He walked to her.

“What’s your name you said?”

“I’m Kalki Naren.” She moved aside in her seat to leave space for him. He sat next to her.

“You know, this world in this mind train we are in right now, as we travel across to the source or whatever.....don’t you think it is intrusive and trapping?" She asked him.

He looked surprised. "I mean, I have no idea who you are, but yet, here we are. You could know about me if I dreamed out of control..."

She turned back to look at him and completed her sentence. "Even if I might not want you to."

He looked at her. It is amazing how they could be saying the same thing. Just a while back before he had volunteered to test himself in the simulation for The Thought within the runaway train model, he and Rajini were talking. His mind drifted to the conversation he just had before entering The Thought.

“I have a strong feeling that this is going to work, but I don’t know if I want it to.” The 27 year old Rajini had told him before he entered the simulation by seating himself in the Sleeping Chamber bed. He had looked at her surprised.

“I just think, you know even though we make our subjects sign forms, what if they don't want you to know something?” He hadn’t known what to say. The feeling extended as Kalki completed it snapping him back.

“I mean, it is one thing that it might help, but when something gives power to change your mind without your will, what do we do then?” She paused. Prem sighed a little. She shook herself.

“Anyway, all we need to find out now, is how to get out of here. Can you help me?”

He leaned forward and rested his arms on his knees.

“How did you get here? Why did you get here? Your parents, I know them, they would never..” he sighed. “You know, your mother is right outside..."

Kalki looked questioningly. He explained. "I am from the past Kalki. I am the first subject to enter the simulation after your mom in my time has made the discovery of the century….which you probably know as you are after this time” he concluded.

Kalki looked at him, shocked, eyes wide. “What do you mean? Dad and mom worked together? What is the discovery?” She thought and her eyes widened as she realised.

“Why are you here Kalki? I am a scientist but why and how are you here?” he asked.

Kalki was still holding her head. “Mom has always told me about you and dad working together on The Thought, about how you would always treat her whenever you met her with dad.” She paused. “Dad wasn’t happy talking about you though, didn’t know why until I heard dad mention to mom a couple of months back while rearranging their photograph section that he didn’t want to see your pictures as you had betrayed him. I wanted to find out."

Betrayed? Whatever could he have meant? Kalki continued. “I overheard them. He said that you had burnt the one particular fax that recorded the study on the experiment or else this could have been something else. Mom said your discovery of the century to use the train model to transport mentally as well was yours to burn or decide to keep away. ”

What? Why would she? His discovery? The train was her idea. Why did she lie to Kalki in the future..? He froze as he realised what had happened.

CHAPTER 7

27 year old Rajini-Priya was seeing the brain activity of Prem peak. The simulation run was charting out an interaction.

What? He is talking to someone? But, but how could that be? There was only one Sleeping chamber and he was on it…Unless, unless he is interacting with someone from another time? If the interaction was a figment of his imagination it wouldn’t bring up the other levels. He was talking to someone. Should she talk into it? Or would that distract him or disrupt the simulation? Maybe she could simulate the PINCH.

Her phone rang. She picked up and before she could ask them to call back later, she heard “Congratulations Priya. You are pregnant. Your test came out positive.” She smiled and kept the phone. She looked back into the screen. She looked at the fax machine nearby as she saw her name in the logs for the Immersion environment details. She gulped as her questions came back to her.

CHAPTER 8

58 year old Gaurav and Rajini panted as they hurried out to the gate from the car and tried to enter the password to enter. The screen blinked. Rajini pranced back and forth with the hand on her head. Gaurav kept tapping the bell button. They had gotten an alert that the Sleeping Chamber and the Immersion Capsule were in use.

“If she is in the simulation fully, she could be anywhere. Unless she chooses to come back or is forced to come back, either way it is completely up to her. Either she should consciously think of her body which means she should think of why she went in the first place. Or, a PINCH one we insert for her to choose or one we induce. But what,?" Gaurav listed out all the options as they waited for the gate to open.

As Rajini held her head as it throbbed, she got an idea. “I have a thought, it might work, let's go in.” Gaurav looked at her surprised.

The blinking stopped and changed to a green light and they heard a gear turn. They rushed inside. They crossed multiple doors and glass chamber they had built to protect. They swiped through and rushed to the final post. They saw the Sleeping Chamber and the Immersion capsule. They rushed to the digital screen. The charts were all active. Rajini saw a chart and stopped.

She is interacting..she is talking to someone. But who..? She saw a picture near the scanner. Prem, hers and Gaurav's face in lab-coats was waving back at her.

CHAPTER 9

Prem turned and looked at Kalki. It was because she was pregnant with Kalki. Rajini would make this discovery mine and take away her credit. And the nausea, the eating, the ….ethical questions…of course. She knew she was pregnant.

At the same time the 27 year old Rajini shredded the last piece of fax(or so she thought) But she had missed the copy she had made of the interaction.

Meanwhile in the simulation, Prem walked to Kalki.

“I’m not sure I should be the one who should tell this to you, but do you know what your mom did?”

“She is a psychologist.”

Prem smiled and sat next to her. “Why don’t you ask her?” He smiled at her and whispered “I think I’m not the hero of the story as she has told you to be. Why don’t you ask her how she really knows me and your dad?”

Kalki was puzzled but nodded. Slowly they started hearing a flicking sound of a switch going on and off repeatedly. Kalki held her head more tightly. Prem was concerned.

“What is happening? I’m sure Rajini is not doing this in my timeline.” Prem thought out loud as he looked around.

But Kalki knew. It was the sound of the lamp switching on/off repeatedly which she had inherited from her father, which made her the headache worse but she couldn’t help the twitching. There was something else happening, what was that smell? She couldn’t place it…her nose tickled. As the pain increased, she felt her mind go back to where she was. Of course, the Sleeping Chamber. She slowly felt her fingers numb out in the simulation and move in real time. A part of her looked at Prem. Prem smiled gently and waved back to her. Her nose tickled further and as it finally reached the peak, she realised what happened. Pista.

Meanwhile an experienced Rajini in present time knew exactly what Kalki needed. She had increased the Pista smell inside the Sleeping Chamber bed clump. Her throat should dry up any minute now. Sure enough, she heard it. A rough breath. A huge pull.

A couple more throat sounds. And finally there it was. "Acchooooooooo."

CHAPTER 10

Kalki opened her eyes slowly. The images in front of her eyes were hazy. Her dream was still fresh on her mind though. She called out to her mom. “Maa!” She wanted to clarify the questions before she forgot about it.

Rajini rushed to her room. She came and hugged Kalki tightly. Kalki felt wetness of droplets of water on her shoulder. She heard gentle sobs. She pulled her out slowly and looked at her.

“I met Mr Prem Madan in there.” She looked at her shocked and her face slowly moved to the side as if she realised something.

She got up slowly. Kalki called after her, asking. “He said to ask you again, as to how you really knew dad and him, and spoke of you making a groundbreaking discovery and not him. Was that true?”

Rajini continued to walk to the shelves, she reached out to the top shelf and took out a cover of letters. She searched through them as she sniffed her nose and took it out and gave it to Kalki.

Dear RP,

Congratulations on little Kalki (Don’t ask me how I know who she is, I just do). You were right when you said that this discovery might bring out a new vulnerability to exploit in all of us; one which leave the station too soon to never be stopped. I know that you changed The Train of Thought find to my name and destroyed the papers to setback the research. I am not going to tell Gaurav until you choose to tell him yourself. If you are sharing this with Kalki and it is the right time, please bring her to me. I wanted to say my goodbye to her properly, atleast this time. I am sorry I left without notice, I was posed with questions I didn’t think of. I need time to reflect and introspect. You will always be my scholar sister. Take care of the little one and Gaurav for me. His light flickering which gives you a headache might just workout in the end. ;)

Prem Madan