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The Life Lesson

What does it feel like to step in front of a train? What happened to Elvis Presley? Does Jupiter really exist?

By David CalvertPublished 3 years ago 9 min read
11

Falling in front of a train travelling at 90mph didn’t hurt nearly as much as Sam thought it would.

In fact, considering it only happened this morning, Sam had to admit that he felt remarkably chipper about it all things considered.

Sam was standing in a white dressing gown in a hospital corridor. He had expected broken bones, lacerations and bruises but he didn’t seem to have any injuries at all. He pulled the waistband of his pyjama pants open and tentatively peered down, to check that the contents hadn’t been dismembered as if in some kind of horrendous sausage factory accident. Nope, it’s still there, all good.

He’d obviously been knocked unconscious as he’d woken up in this hospital, but other than that he felt quite clear headed. Actually, in truth he couldn’t remember waking up, but nevertheless here he was.

The hospital appeared remarkably clean. The white walls gleamed and the floor seemed so polished it had an existential glow.

Sam heard stilettoed footsteps echoing up the corridor and saw a doctor with a clipboard coming towards him. Damn, this was one hot looking doctor though. She had a stethoscope hanging loosely around her neck and a small lapel watch on her white tunic but she definitely had the swagger of a supermodel.

“Hey Sam,” she said. “Nice to see you again.”

“Huh? You know me? Have I been here before?” asked Sam, slightly bewildered.

“Sure. It’s been a while and I looked kinda different back then,” she smiled. The doctor scanned down her clipboard and started ticking off some of the checkboxes.

“Ok, Sam, let’s see; Vital signs good. No serious psychological concerns. Slightly addictive personality. Generally a healthy lifestyle although I notice you have a penchant for way too much mayonnaise. Solid moral compass. Good sense of humour…”

“Hang on!” Sam stepped in. ”Mayonnaise? Solid moral compass? What sort of doctor are you? And what sort of hospital is this??”

The doctor looked unperturbed.

“This isn’t a hospital Sam. And I’m certainly not a doctor.”

“Oh. But I thought with the stethoscope and the uniform and all that..? I guess you are kind of hot to be a doctor” Sam admitted.

“I am, right!” beamed the non-doctor. “Check out these bad boys” she said, pointing at the Louboutin’s on her feet.

“Sorry, can we backtrack a sec. If I’m not in hospital, then where am I? Last thing I remember is falling off the platform at Stratford and seeing the 8.25 to Liverpool Street coming towards me. How come I’m not in hospital?”

The non-doctor looked at Sam with raised eyebrows.

Sam just stared back, blankly. Sam was extremely adept at staring blankly. It was an art form he had perfected over many years and was usually linked with feverish but confused brain activity.

The non-doctor pursed her lips and continued staring, raising her eyebrows as high as she possibly could waiting for the penny to drop with Sam.

“Ooooh” sighed Sam, the enormity of the situation dawning on him. “I’m dead aren’t I?! I’m bloody dead! I knew it, I thought this hospital looked a bit too clean. I wondered why my spine wasn’t mangled, my dick was still attached and I was walking around out of bed”.

“Well, it’s correct to say you died...” smiled the non-doctor “but you’re clearly still alive as you’re here talking to me.”

“So this is heaven?” he asked, looking around aimlessly hoping for clues.

“Not really. It’s more like a backstage area. A transitional zone.”

“So I’m in limbo? Like purgatory? Are you here to decide if I go to Heaven or Hell?”

“There’s no such thing as purgatory. I don’t like that word Sam. It sounds kinda judgmental, don’t you think?”

Sam ignored the question. He’d noticed the non-doctor’s tunic was unbuttoned at the top and this was more than enough to distract him.

“So are you an angel? Is that why you’re so hot?”

“I’m not an angel Sam, no. I’m not a doctor and I’m not an angel. I just kind of…. set things up around here, I guess? Think of me as a ‘facilitator’.”

“You’re God? You’re telling me God is actually a 5’9” woman dressed like a hot doctor?”

“No Sam, that would be ridiculous. I just thought I’d look like this for you today. I figured it would be best if I took on an appearance that makes you comfortable. I could look like a guy with a long white beard if you prefer? Or a dog maybe, you love dogs right? Or a jar of mayonnaise?”

“No, the pretend doctor thing is fine I guess”.

The non-doctor turned around a started walking slowly down the corridor. Sam instinctively followed, although wasn’t really sure where they were going. The gleaming walls of the corridor were interspersed with doors. Sam wondered what lay behind each door but decided not to open them uninvited.

“So, does everybody come here when they die?”

“No Sam. Just you.”

“Really? Where does everybody else go?”

“Everybody else who?”

“Well…. all the dead people? My Dad? Elvis Presley? The entire Manchester United team from 1958?”

“Oh them. They didn’t die. Because they never really lived. That was all just for your benefit. You know, make things a bit more ‘realistic’ for you.” The non-doctor held up her fingers to make pretend quotation marks around the word realistic.

“They never lived? You mean I imagined them??”

“Look, don’t get all huffy,” she said stopping and reaching out at the nearest door handle to open it. “They’re all safe and sound in here, see for yourself!”

The non-doctor opened the door. Inside there was a large crowd of people all squeezed in.

“Surprise!” they all chimed together, cheerfully smiling and waving at Sam.

Sam could see his Dad, standing with Elvis. Also his girlfriend and all of his old friends from college. There was his Mum, and the lady from the post office, and that guy who shouts at cars down by the bus station. In fact, as Sam looked he realized that everyone he ever knew was in there. Not just dead people, but people he thought were still alive. Pop stars and politicians, actors and artists, teachers and TV presenters. Everybody he ever knew.

“Er…Hi,” answered Sam.

The doctor closed the door gently and continued to walk slowly down the corridor with Sam.

“So are you telling me it was all fake? My whole life was just one big fake TV show?”

“Not at all Sam. Look at it this way. You remember that pet hamster you had when you were a kid?”

“Mister Moschops?”

“Yeah. Mister Moschops. Well Mister Moschops had his cage, he had that bit in the garden you fenced off, he had that plastic ball thing you used to put him in to roll around and he used to spend his day eating carrots, right? You remember all that?”

“I’m a hamster?”

By Ricky Kharawala on Unsplash

“No, you’re not a hamster Sam. But everything Mister Moschops had in his life was provided by you, his environment was created by you. The cage, the plastic ball and all those carrots. They were put there by you, but that didn’t make them any less real to him, did it?”

“I guess not.”

“You guess correct. So all that stuff you knew, all those people you loved, all those things you learnt and all those mayonnaise sandwiches were also real.”

Sam pondered this as he and the doctor carried on walking. It saddened him because he really loved his girlfriend. He used to introduce her as his housemate which she never found funny but he still loved her an awful lot. How could all those feelings have been for nothing?

The non-doctor stopped, well aware of what Sam was thinking.

“Look Sam, she loved you too. In the same way Mister Moschops controlled the plastic ball and made it bounce around all over his little world, you were in control of everything you did in your little world. Everything else just acted accordingly.”

“So was it a test? Did I pass?”

“It wasn’t a test. I’m not here to grade you Sam. Think of it more as a class but with no exam. It was just your next lesson on the schedule.”

“A 34 year long lesson? What was I supposed to have learnt?”

“Well I can tell you one thing you didn’t learn Sam..” the non-doctor rolled her eyes “How to pay attention to where you’re walking on busy train platforms.”

“So what happens now?” asked Sam.

“Well now you have to get back to class. Your next lesson starts in ten minutes, you don’t want to be late” she replied, checking the watch on her lapel.

“You mean I’m going to be reincarnated? I’ve got to do it all over again starting as a baby?”

“God no,” said the non-doctor. “That would be so tedious.”

“So… an animal? You’re not going to make me a beetle or something are you?”

“Look Sam, you’re not paying attention again. You’ve just learnt what it’s like to be a human, and all the wondrous things that brings. What on earth are you going to learn by being a beetle? And besides, beetles don’t exist remember. I just invented them for you, just like everything else on Earth.”

“So… I’m not even going back to Earth then? Will I go to another planet like Jupiter or something? Does Jupiter even exist?”

“Nope, no such thing as Jupiter silly. And if it did, I’d have to make you a gas. You’d hate that.”

“So where is the next lesson then?”

The doctor stopped, leant forward and gently kissed Sam on the forehead. She reached out to the handle of the nearest door and slowly opened it.

“I’ll be waiting for you here when you come back out Sam. You might not recognise me at first though.”

Sam peered through the door as it opened. It didn’t look like any sort of universe he recognised.

Wherever he was going next, it wasn’t made of the solids, liquids and gases he’d become accustomed to. Colours he had never seen before swirled around inside the doorway and a billion unfamiliar faces appeared and disappeared in the distance. Music that he could only feel echoed from the skies around and Sam could sense his body taking on a new, indefinable form. This was going to be something new, a completely different kind of existence.

“How long will I be gone for this time?” asked Sam.

“The same amount of time it takes for any good lesson Sam. One lifetime.”

Thanks very much for taking the time to read my story. If you enjoyed it, or would like to read the prequel or sequel to Sam’s story, then please hit the like button below!

All contributions gratefully received from an overly excitable but under resourced writer.

humanity
11

About the Creator

David Calvert

Just here for fun : )

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