The Gamesters of Triskelion

Kirk, Chekhov, and Uhura are beaming down to Gamma 2, but lo and behold, something strange happens. (No red shirts, but the Away Team are always in deep horse puckey, are they not?)

They find themselves in an arena on a weirded-out planet run by a guy named Galt (shades of Ayn Rand), who has a long black cape and red collar and vaguely resembles Anton LaVey. There's a duo of bodacious Amazonian alien warrior babes with big, hooked poles to make combat with, and some tall, ugly, fang-toothed alien Neanderthal cavemen who hulk around. Everyone wears an alien shock collar that gets activated when Galt's eyes start to glow.

Turns out that some aliens, "The Providers," have kidnapped the crew to make them perform gladiatorial games for bets—it's like bowling for dollars except with ET shock collars and big-breasted lady femme killers. One of these, Shahna (nah?), is portrayed by none other than, hot damn, Angelique Pettyjohn, who was an exotic dancer and erotic actress of the era, with a sort of long, tragic tale, who also acted in some piss-pot gutter flicks such as G.I. Executioner (1975), directed by execrable cinematic turd-blower Joel M. "Bloodsucking Freaks" Reed, and Mad Doctor of Blood Island (1968), misidentified by Sandra Bernhard on "Reel Wild Cinema" as "Green Blood" because of a phony mini-feature preceding it done by a completely different director as a promo-reel gag. (She also had a bit part in Repo Man (1984).)

Okay, digression, digression, I apologize. Now where was I?

Anyhoo, Kirk, Uhura, and Chekhov are all put in cells with their "Drill Thralls," one of which tries to rape Uhura or something, and the others come onto the crew, although this understandably disturbs Chekhov because his Drill Thrall looks as if they are transitioning. Kirk gets more and more in an endless succession of space nookie from Angelique, but then they escape or ask a stupid question or something happens that I can't quite remember because everybody gets Trek-levels of ham-pain overacting going, pulling wild facial expressions, and Galt's eyes get that weird, glowing, misty white thing going, and then everybody points their attention back at the Enterprise, where that pointy-eared, green-blooded son of a motherless Tribble is now Acting Captain of the Enterprise.

Which, on the whole, does NOTHING to placate Bones, "I'd rather be dead than some Vulcan sumbitch" McCoy, who rants and raves that, like, they need to follow that ion trail back to Gamma 2 and save the lily-white keisters of the kidnapped crewmen (excepting Uhura from that last description).

So, and so. And so...

I'm drawing a blank on some of this. The episode was so good I mentally processed it at a level only an alien brain floating under a multi-colored, glowing outer space cake dish could understand.

So, Spock, Scott, Bones (maybe Tom, Dick, Harry, Barry, and Larry Magoo too) all plan on beaming down to rescue some Kirk-unit ass, but are warned, no way, uh-uh. Bad move, Kemosabe.

By Kirk and a Provider, conjointly.

So the whole thing ends like this: Kirk gets tasked with fighting not one but THREE alien baddies and proves himself the equal of Chuck Norris by whooping up on all three. I think. I had to go back and refresh my memory. Oh yeah, if Kirk wins (and is there any doubt?), he gets to be released and, you know, go about his own merry business.

He loses, bitch, and it's THRALL CITY.

But James Tiberius never loses. A few movie sequels and a couple of decades later, he's facing down GOD.

How do you like them apples?

Star Trek TOS-R - The Gamesters Of Triskelion

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