Review: 'Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom' 2018

The first 'JW' sequel (fifth overall) has small pleasures and larger, flesh-eating dinosaurs. What it lacks (obviously) is bite!

Review: 'Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom' 2018
A T-Rex reintroduces himself. Courtesy of Universal Enteriainment/Amblin/Legendary Pictures.

Hello, one and all.

The first Jurassic World feature in 2015 would be the ultimate mind-blower for me. As a fan of the first two Jurassic Park films with a so-so feeling for the third, much shorter installment, I always knew what the charm was of this series.

Obviously? The dinosaurs!

Yes, the prehistoric reptilian aviary hybrids have always been the attraction. Since Steven Spielberg gave us the crazy first two (off the late Michael Crichton's two bestsellers) with all the expected awe and jaw-drop we wanted in reintroducing them to us. By the third film, we became all too familiar with their M.O. They were bio-engineered. Their creators kept giving themselves pats on the back. A smart, but marginalized hero gave fair warning about "playing God." They don't listen. The "creators" all get chomped — or are forced to abandon the project altogether. End of story... or is/was it?

Then, fast forward to 2015 when the "park" became a "world" and the greatest show on earth was reborn. I thoroughly enjoyed the first newly envisioned world that quite frankly, I was able to overlook its many overt flaws. Mainly number one: the cast. Chris Pratt is an admittedly handsome guy who can win you over with his boy-next-door charm. But, I quite frankly felt like it was rehearsed and always with the "aw-he's-just-a-sweet-good-ol'-boy-you're-just-gonna-love-him" act he must've practiced in the mirror a million times. None of it felt genuine to me.

As for Bryce Dallas Howard, yes, she can hold your attention and her villain performance in 2011's The Help showed she had some chops — note, no mentioning that she's the daughter of superfamous actor/director Ron Howard. Okay, oops, my bad! But, as per that one performance, she seems to be destined to be cast as Jessica Chastain's twin sister for all eternity and yes, I was surprised that Chastain and Howard weren't cast as such. They could've shared that chocolate-humble-pie together! But, even in World, she seemed like she could've used a bit more of that mousse pie to get her more jazzed up!

Ohhhh, poop!

The Teaser Poster

Main teaser promo poster.

Okay, back to my review. This latest installment just has the distinction of having bigger dinosaurs and the even bigger distinction of seeing just what kind of damage their sharp teeth and jaws can do to human flesh. After five movies, we already get the gist of just how flesh-tearing these bio-engineered creations can get when feeding time came—which is often when they're too stupid to realize that the dinos are superhuman smart now.

But, the 2015 World had a willingness to push the limits of preposterousness and become the most entertaining movie of the franchise, despite my reservations of the cast, they did actually acquit themselves quite nicely. Now, Fallen Kingdom, a sur-title that I imagine was chosen for it's "holy shit" factor, brings us back to the other island where the dinos are bred and of course, with the park in shambles and lawsuits galore; it seems the makers of the film are now at a loss as to what the fuck to do.

Uh—okay. Make the dinos BIGGER, STRONGER, FASTER, SNAZZIER, MORE TEETH! RIP THEM FUCKERS TO SHREDS GODDAMNIT!!!

On that level, yes, I did enjoy Fallen Kingdom. Director J.A. Bayona also is willing, much as Colin Trevorrow did in "World", to give us a total dino carnival with big teeth and an even bigger human buffet. The fact that the story (which isn't even worth divulging, since it seems to openly repeat the storylines of The Lost World and Part III; let's just say the scientists haven't learned their lesson and they will get rightfully punished for it) basically is a been-there-done-that-who-the-fuck-cares plot isn't why we even pay to see this shit.

More dinos, the bigger, the fucking bloodier! End of story, folks.

In conclusion; I found it mildly diverting and recommend it on it's paltry B-movie level. And something even amazing happens. I finally get why Pratt is so likable! He knows his act is full of shit and he milks it for everything it's worth! Howard is even aware of her schtick and uses it to her own benefit! Seriously, you don't even have to ask why their chemistry is so... not even there!

It's in the fucking script! As was Jeff Goldblum's obligatory cameo!

Rated PG-13 for what else? Dinos eating the shit out of its stupid-ass humans!

movie review
Carlos Gonzalez
Carlos Gonzalez
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Carlos Gonzalez

A passionate writer and graphic artist looking to break into the BIG TIME! Short stories, scripts and graphic art are my forte! Brooklyn N.Y. born and raised. Living in Manchester, Connecticut! Working on two novels now!

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