Perspective

Peter Gardner hung hopelessly bound up in the thick sticky webbing that surrounded him and his robot companion. The two of them had been hopelessly stuck in this chamber for the last hour and were discussing for the seventh time, how they had managed to get into this situation.

Gardner strained and granted. "It's no use, Reggie. I can't reach anything. I'm gonna die. I'm going to die stuck in this web like some oversized meat snack because I tried to save your worthless metallic backside."

Hanging, apparently just as entangled in the gray sticky massive webbing that had managed to snare both the human and the machine, there was a series of mechanical noises, accompanied by a series of blue green flashes of light and a really awful smell that managed to convey the best parts of rotting plant material and the interior of a fraternity refrigerator overdue for a cleaning. The small machine spoke up, in perfectly articulated North American English.

"Let's be clear about this, shall we? You're going to die because you're a greedy, self-obsessed individual who lacks the common sense to listen to beings who clearly have a much better developed set of survival instincts than you. I'll quote that great hero you have so often modeled your life after, John Wayne. Cowboy John once said, ‘Life is tough. Tougher if you‘re stupid.‘"

Peter tried to kick out against the webbing and shift his weight. Still nothing gave. "That's just great. I got into this mess because I tried to save your worthless butt and this is the thanks I get? Scorn, ridicule and sarcasm from my own device!"

"Oh, no, no, no. This close to the end of your life, please let there be clarity and above all honesty, you worthless, bipedal collection of meat sludge. I said, ‘Look, just leave the shell. All you have to do is use the module, recover my personality and shift it into one of the backups that we have at home. No risk, no worry. All we lose is a cheap robot body.‘ As I recall, your exact phrase was, ‘Do you know how expensive each of those robot bodies is? I'm not just going to go and leave that here. We can‘t lose all those credits. Especially when all we have to do is…‘"

There was a slight pause after the small robot played the entire conversation for Peter. The really painful part was that the overly animated piece of metal had been right.

The two of them had been hanging there in total silence, when something behind them cleared its throat and then spoke in a measured cultured British-sounding accent.

"If the two of you will excuse me, I have a board meeting to attend in a few minutes. Honestly, I don't care which of the two of you is to blame. I'd like to point out some rather obvious issues I have with the two of you invading my home, using my gym without my permission and apparently preparing to make off with my property, without so much as a by your leave. So, you have about five minutes to convince me not to call the local Constable and have you brought up on charges of breaking and entering, burglary and malicious mischief or some such thing."

From where Peter hung, he was unable to see the speaker. Reggie, on the other hand, had a perfectly good view of whomever was speaking to them.

"Oh, oh dear. Peter, I'm guessing this is one of those rare times that you not being able to see who we‘re talking with, is a serious plus. I'm pretty sure you wouldn‘t handle it well. Although I have to admit, I’d pay good money to watch your face when you see our host."

Peter directed his voice to the newcomer. "Look, it's not like that. My robot friend here and I happened into this underground cavern. There were no signs. I like caves so we came in and we began to find strange things scattered here and there on the floor of the cave.“ Peter could feel himself beginning to perspire and try as he might, he couldn't reach up to wipe the sweat off of his forehead or out of his eyes.

Peter nodded towards the robot. "He found that bag see? And the notebook. They were laying on the floor, just out in the open. He picked them up and was bringing them back to me when something happened. I'm not exactly sure what. We ended up all tangled up in this stuff and we don't seem to be able to get back out. It doesn't burn, won't cut and neither one of us is strong enough to break it so even if we wanted to leave, we couldn‘t just now. Lord knows, we've been trying."

"Oh, I know. Neither one of you has been particularly quiet. That's another issue I have with both of you. The two of you seem to talk more and do less, than any lifeforms I know. I suppose the easiest thing to do is just to call the authorities and have them pick you up and sort all this mess out next week, or month. I'm running out of time and have work to finish before my meeting. Nothing personal and all that, but if you break into someone's home, it goes without saying that you take your chances."

Peter felt a surge of panic. Suddenly, he began to wonder if being eaten might not be a better fate than being thrown into jail for several months and losing everything he owned. He didn't have enough credits to pay for docking fees, maintenance, air and water. Everything would be confiscated and sold at auction. He took a calming breath. Improvise, adapt, overcome. That's what he needed to do. New plan.

"Hold on. Maybe we can work something out. Is there something moral and ethical that my friend and I can do? A service that we can perform to repay you for your time and inconvinience?" Peter tried to make his voice come out in a calm and confident tone. What actually came out, sounded like a hormonally disturbed teenager on helium. There was a long pause and an odd ticking clatter that sounded like a stuttering can-opener. Peter recognized it as Reggie‘s equivalent of nervous laughter.

"Boss. Peter. Human dude. Before you make any more offers, you really really need to get a visual on who you're dealing with.“ Reggie vibrated and hummed, then an image was projected onto the floor. The image was of a gigantic black spider hanging suspended via an arm thick length of sticky thread from the cavern roof above. Peter nearly choked on his own spit.

"Offer accepted. Talking mechanical device. Do you have the ability to broadcast an audible signal at 474 kHz for at least five seconds?"

There was a slight pause before the robot responded. "I do, but the volume will need to be low, to keep from ruining Peter’s hearing.“

"That shouldn't be an issue. Do it." There was a short blast of barely audible sound waves and all of the spider webbing appeared to dissipate and vanish. A moment later, Peter and Reggie found themselves face-to-face with a ten-foot tall, six-foot wide, sleek, black arachnid. Peter paled and tried to make his voice level.

"Thank you, ah...“

“You can call me Justin.“

Peter blinked at such a normal name. “Yes. Thank you, Justin, What can we do that would square this up? I don't have a lot of money but I can give you a week's worth of our time, in order to make this right."

Reggie slowly floated up on Peter's right side and handed him a notebook and a cloth bag that crinkled softly in his hand. He whispered, "Here, Boss, I got you this. I think it's your size."

Peter held the proffered items without looking at them. He whispered back to his annoying companion, "Not now! We need to sort this out and get out of here."

The giant spider spoke, "All right, I'll make the two of you a deal. You want clear of this little criminal escapade? I need workout partners. As I‘m an overly generous being, I'll even give you those items your little machine just handed you. It’s only filled with paper. I don’t use paper at all, but your kind seems to enjoy it, so I'll give it to you as an act of good faith. I prefer shiny things; wonderfully reflective, spinning, gleaming, shiny things. Much more useful. Well then, I'll see the two of you back tomorrow, shall we say one o'clock? I‘ll reset the gym."

A long, jointed leg waved toward the far wall at a collection of assorted treasure chests. Some were open and displayed an assortment of shiny gems and coins.

"During our workouts, if either of you manages to touch any of the treasure boxes, I'll let you fill up a small bag to take with you when you leave. Each time you touch a chest, you get to select a bigger bag and take home more of my trinkets and bobbles. I think it's a rather fair trade myself. You get a chance to collect things that you value and I get to hone my hunting skills."

"Hunting skills?" The two words came out as a gargling gasp. They just sort of fell out of Peter's mouth somewhere between breaths, in a sort of a squeaking echo that resonated annoyingly through the chamber.

The spider‘s deep British voice resumed, "Hunting skills, yes. I need to practice, you need the money. Its a win-win."

Peter shook his head frantically, "I really don't want to be eaten! Sure, I made a mistake. I'm willing to pay for it and everything, but becoming a spider snack just doesn't work for me. I guess you'll need to call the constable after all."

When it came, the spider's laughter seemed to fill the chamber and he leaned back on the thread suspending him. He wrapped several of its long legs around himself in mirth. "Oh I can see we're going to have fun, we are! Do your people eat each other?"

Peter stood there, slack-jawed for a second, as he reviewed what Justin had said. Peter forced himself to calm down enough to answer. "No, that would be cannibalism. We usually refrain from that sort of thing. It's illegal most places."

The immense arachnoid bobbed slowly up and down on its tether then continued. "Just so, I should think. A very enlightened attitude. Still, all creatures are chained to our natures as it were. The arachnoid nature is that of a hunter. Think of these workouts as a catch and release program. One with a powerful incentive for your willing and enthusiastic participation. For the next two months, we’ll meet here every Wednesday at one o'clock to run my obstacle course. Each time you beat the course, you make money. A simple business arrangement. Agreed?"

Peter nodded slowly. "I guess so. This won't hurt right? No blood loss, no pain just a little sticky entrapment?" The spider bobbed once in agreement and reached out a leg. Peter gently grasped the limb and shook it as if he were shaking hands. "It's a deal. We'll see you tomorrow at one o'clock."

Justin spoke up, "Well, that settles that then. I need to get moving. I hate being late. It's not proper at all. See you tomorrow then! Show yourselves out." With that, Justin disappeared up into the ceiling.

As soon as Peter and Reggie cleared the cave, Reggie stopped. “Open the bag, Boss.“

Peter hesitated, but opened the bag. The spider was right, nothing but paper. Hundred-dollar bills were paper, right? “Whoa! How much, Reg?“

“It’s about $20,000. Can I get an upgraded chassis? “Peter shrugged. Might as well. I’m going to need a new pair of running shoes...“