Motel Six Of Cups

Something feels off. I sit in my space and listen. Its dark outside and the air feels still. I can intuitively feel the calm of the lake and the hibernation of the critters until tomomorrow. However, the air was not silent. The tension that strung through my living room and permeated into the kitchen, bathroom and sleeping space wrung through my chest, causing major anxiety. I wanted to be free of this air, free of this tension, and just be, like everyone else. But as I sat, alone with the silence for company, I knew that there was no easy escape from the prison of my heart. The walls caved in. My head pounded at the pressure. I drew for my tarot deck

Being intuitive has its perks. I've always been able to guess the perfect surprise gift for James, sense the troubles of another, and extend help to those in need. The ravens tell me when there is impending danger, the blue jays help me to gain clarity, and the fish leap when I discover something new in the pools of self - reflection. When I do roll a joint and the neighbors roll around, the geese never fail to sound the alarm. So yeah, perks.

My fingers touch the deck and immediately I feel a sense of relief.

I take a deep breath and close my mind to all the distractions. I walk down the hallway of my mind and I enter room 2B. I look around. The bed was in the same condition that I left it. I read the inscription on the wall: "How do I see myself?" "Why don't I prioritize my own needs?" "What does self -care mean to me?" "What does my mind need to feel whole, energized, and balanced?" "What can I focus on to develop compassion towards myself?"

Talk about a mental vacation.

I inhale the calming scents of eucalyptus incense and follow my feet into the bathroom. I slide into the rich blend of rose petals and bath salts, close my eyes and draw my first card.

If your eyes are the windows to your soul, then tarot is the light through the door. It illuminates our deepest chambers and forces us to love ourselves through the parts that we would rather hide. What do I need to know? Everything James didn't tell me. The reason for my fears and the methods to my madness. I seek to collect all the missing screws that leave me unhinged.

As the warm water gently caresses my face, I feel as gentle as a dove and see myself pristine and loved by my inner goddess. Clarity and truth wash away my fears.

I've always been comfortable in the water. My mind gently bouys the surface of my self- reflection and I feel safe to slip into myself. Innocence is a terrible thing to lose. Tarot anchors my awareness and provides what my mind needs to feel whole, energized, and balanced. Together, we hold the light in the deep blue of my consciousness and discover the creatures of my shadow that gnaw at my ability to be compassionate with myself.

"Do you want to name them or observe?" It asks and waits patiently and come to terms with my own self- discovery. It always takes a while for my eyes to focus, but somehow, I can sense the familiarity of that which lay before me. As it is me. My muscles relax and my face gives way to a smile. I decide to call it Nostalia, for all the beautiful memories it held that haunted me. The thoughts take form. She transforms into a mermaid and I watch the beautiful iridescent consciousness that was once mine entangled with another shimmer off into the depths of time and space. We are both set free.

"Calm your mind," Tarot says as she pulls me back to the surface. "The void is never empty. Love is infinite. We'll leave the light on for ya."