Futurism logo

Love is a growing apart

Love is a growing apart

By VONDA BLOCKERPublished 4 months ago 5 min read

Do not know who said: this world, we are to borrow parents, not because of parents.

How good, it explains that life is free, is independent, love and life, is a gradual separation, and then will be deserved.

And there are many people in life, stubbornly think that love should be vigorous, eternal, they desperately yearn for love, seize love, mistakenly think that love is possession, love is selfish, love is not you can not prejudice.

When I went to primary school, I gradually began to learn to be independent. My mother liked to hold me on her lap, and I used to struggle to get away. The mother said angrily: the son grew up, do not want his mother. I gasped, feeling big.

My mother later found a way to "deal with" me. I was picked up from beggars, she said. She said this with such a stern look that I froze. She saw my fear and grinned again as if it were a lighthearted joke.

At that time, I was really afraid. I couldn't tell whether it was fear or sadness, but I suddenly felt that my world seemed to split into another space, this space has nothing. I checked again and again to see if my mother was joking, but she continued to fill in the details with a proud, triumphant smile.

I began to think: I picked it up. I even began to wonder, where are my beggar parents? How am I going to find them. On the other hand, I was very sad, I felt that an invisible hand had tightened the relationship between me and my parents, the relationship was a thread, thin in the air, I had to carefully close the distance between us.

It was a joke of my mother that was never done afterwards. Years later, when I recall this joke with some anger, my mother can't imagine how I passed those days and nights in a state of extreme anxiety and sadness. I know why my mother is like this, she wants to prove how her son depends on her, can't live without her, she doesn't want his son to be independent, she wants to have her son, maybe the mother doesn't even know this.

She is not entirely to blame. Too many parents in China feel that their children are their possessions. When their children are fully fledged and want to soar, it is their parents who want to "imprison" them and hold them tight. They want to be conjoined with their children, even though none of them will admit it.

People think that children can't live without their parents, but in many cases, it is the parents who can't live without their children.

When I grew up, my mother was always reluctant to go on long trips (actually not far). She always asked me to stay a few more days so that I could make up for myself at home. She always called me and repeated that she wanted to talk to me more. I know it's love, but it's also the loss of something.

Mother won't admit that sometimes her love is possessive. She thinks that's what love is all about: giving, risking everything. If love should be separated, should be independent, should be free, she would think that love is an inconceivable devil. These, I understand, people want to break my obsession, it is not easy to say, put down is to get, but there are a few people can let go a little drizzly?

So when I saw Song Dandan's letter to her son Batu, I was very moved and admired.

She wrote: "No child wants to spend time with their parents every day, of course children want to spend time with young people, so I said, Batu, if you don't really miss me, don't call me, your mother is having a good time on her own, hehe. Enjoy yourself, and if you really miss me, you can call me." I'm sure he'll understand one day how much his mother loves him. I want to give my child as much space as possible. When I gave birth to him, he was free; he was not bound.

If there is not a good separation between parents and children, then both will be ill.

Psychologist Parker gives the example of a girl who is so afraid of spiders that she has had many boyfriends, none of them lasting. The psychologist looked at the girl and found that she had a very controlling mother, and treatment was only possible without her. The doctor asked the girl to leave her father's house. But immediately encountered obstacles, on the one hand, the girl did not have the courage, and more importantly, her mother tried to obstruct, the mother could not leave her daughter. As the treatment progresses and the girl learns to be independent, she begins to bear the control of her mother. After one treatment, the girl complains that she is like a spider. At that moment, she realized why she was so afraid of spiders. The story doesn't end until she realizes that under her mother's influence, she too has become a spider, always unconsciously trying to possess and manipulate her boyfriend... Although she found the cause of her illness, she still needed lengthy treatment to make a good recovery.

Just as every parent is free, every child should be free. Parents should be separated from their children, and are destined to be separated. Long Yingtai said in "Watching" that parents and children is a practice of fading away from the back, "you stand at the end of the path, watching him gradually disappear in the corner of the path, and he tells you with his back: don't chase......"

We must admit, however painful it is to admit, that life is destined to be alone, and love is destined to be lonely and restless. However, don't be afraid, don't be sad, that's why we should cherish the present, don't care about the past, don't care about the future, live a quiet and free life.


About the Creator

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights


There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2023 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.