Little Black Book

The one and only Little Black Book

I'm so tired of always being tired, it seems like it's never enough, it seems to never end.

Thanks mom or whatever you humans call your creator of life.

Okej, let's start from the beginning. I'm like the thing that nobody or let's say you humans don't

Know about. My name is ö^&¤$Äöæäödfhaidf´ghb but you guys don't know how to pronounce that so

you guys can call me Bob. And I'm the guy that decides who goes uncle L in hell or uncle G in heaven. But I'm not like an angel/demon or god like they are. I just appeared one day when the first human died that wasn't good enough for heaven but not bad enough for hell and none of my too uncle knew how to deal with that problem. That's what I do, send you where you belong.

let's not talk about the or’s because all of the or’s works for me and i don't need more or’s.

And please for the love of everything don't try to bribe the or’s they don't know what to do with the money and don't have any power over where you guys end up and they only buy the crappy pumpkin spice frappuccinos from Starbucks and off-brand’s pokemon cards that nobody knows about. Like What is a shitachu? And why are there off-brand pokemon cards?

But if you want to bribe me you can, with a starting price of 20 000 USD/EUR.

That amount will give you half a cup of water and 10 minutes in both places and remember hell is hot take the water after hell ok. And remember no refunds.

Now all of you guys see me differently, some of you see me as a man others see me as a woman and others see me as a trans dragons or whatever. I'm what your brain wants me to be, you will see the real me when i make my decision.

The decision I will make is not that hard for me .

The hard part is what you guys need to do, everybody is going to come into my office and sit down with me and go throw the little black book of you, your soul carries around with them.

In that book we are going to see what things the uncles could not decide if it was good or bad.

For everything we decide is good action, I'm going to give you 10 points for every bad thing. I'm deducting 5 points. All of you guys start with 100 points. You need 150 + to go to heaven.

And less than that to hell .

Let’s see, now when your little black book is given to you by your soul take it and don't lose it!

If you do, you're going to hell and you're going to becom a but plug to a demon, and believe me that's not nice, because all demons have hemorrhoids and you know that's disgusting.

Now let's see, I'm going to sumon you one by one.

-Okej Or number one bring in the first person.

Now let's do my dramatic reveal and swivel my chair like a bond villain, too bad that Ian Fleming lost his black book, at least he is still writing, even in that form.

Yes lets see your little book, thank you.

What is this nothing is written, this person has never made a choice of any kind.

How is this possible even life forms with now abilities do anything, make choices in their existence.

These pages are empty, not a single line or word written, hmmm need to ask this person how this happened.

-Hi there!

-Hello you

-how was your life ?

-it was... i don't remember

-Sorry but in this place nobody can forget. Everything you ever done or said is in the little black book and your head. So I ask you again, how was your life?

-eee… I can't remember anything except the talk you had before to us out there and now this.

-but you came from earth to me after your death wright? You must remember how you died ?

-well i remember a light then poff i was here.

What is this guy trying to poll, is he trying to fool me, me the one being in all existence that can see all that happened in time with one touch.

Okej let me ask you one more thing before we take a journey in your life, are you lying to me?

No…

Are you sure?

Yes

Hmmm...now we're going on a journey through your life, I need you to hold the little black book and close your oculars and I will count down from 3. Are you ready…

Yes, this is going to be fun

Fun..it not supposed to be fun but okay let's go 3,2,1

I hate to do this with people, they always cry and say that they didn't mean to be like that or that we need to see the bigger picture. But an action is an action good or bad you made it.

He is very quiet normally they scream and holler in the tunnel of time, the different lights and colors are beautiful but terrifying. He should have emptied or had a bowel movement about now.

What is he doing smiling and laughing, what's wrong with him and we should be there now but we are just flying in this realm.

This is really starting, it's starting to feel like a bad demon acid trip. But wait, we are slowing down finally.

Let’s see where we are.

-is this it ?

I looked shocked at this person and my oh need to explain, I don’t really have a.. hmm yes what you humans call mouth. What I have is not a simple thing like you humans have. I think it and you guys hear it.

Mouth that’s a silly word in the English language, in French they say bouche and in Korean they say 입 ( ib ) and that’s sounds more right I think. Back to the conversation.

eee I’m the one that’s supposed to ask questions so be quet.

No no no...Dear Bob i'm the one that's going to ask questions, can you please give me back that lite book black.

That lite black starting to get heavy, the pages are filling up with words and i'm looking and flipping pages and see that my life is….is it over..nooo how this happened??

Let me see.

Now Bob you're trying to figure out how this happened to you. Let me tell you what happened. Wear about to start the Eschatology ( end of days ). The uncules has decided to terminate you employment and i'm the let's just call me the deliter, or let just say that the uncles just press alt +ctrl + del. Sorry to bring you this bad news.

They still need to do due process on my little black book and I know that I can stop this and not get deleted from time and space and even existence, there are rules even the uncles need to follow.

So Bob lets stop this small talk mumbo jumbo and open that not so little, little black book of yours.

To be continued...