Kinder Cosmic
I Think Jorg has a Problem...
Some time later when Luna has all but given up hope on establishing a profitable relationship with these newfound extraterrestrial lifeforms:
Alpha is giving Luna a tour of their living quarters...
Alpha: yeah....this is my crib. Jorg is my cohabitation mate.
*Jorg is sitting at what could best be described as a table with a small stack of crystals lying atop a gold plated plaque, crushing the crystals while furiously grunting with a small stone in hand.
Alpha: Jorg, I thought you said we were almost out?
Jorg: I said "we" were out...NOT ME!
*Jorg slams his face onto the table and inhales deeply once more.
Jorg: OHHHH THATS SO DAMN GOOD!
Luna: If you're going to insist on doing that why don't you atleast use a straw or something?
Jorg glances back towards Luna curiously
Jorg: A what???
*Luna shakes her head: ......nevermind.
Luna: wait...is that? Is that a plaque from the 1970s pioneer missions?
Alpha: Is that what it is? I thought it was just an archaic form of human pornography. Jorg found it...
Jorg: Makes a good dope plate! I found another one, some gold disk but it was making some horrendous racket.
On and on and on
Gave me a headache so I smashed the shit out of it.
Luna: ....that was the voyager golden record. A recording of all the spoken language and music from earth. A testament to human culture and creativity...
Jorg: Yeah well, it sounded like two carnagors fuckin’ so I smashed it.
Alpha: It did sound like shit...
Luna: You two are unconscionable...
Jorg: What's that mean?
Luna retorts snappily
Luna: it means you're an asshole, Jorg.
*Jorg looks vacantly into the distance contemplatively thinking for what seems like awhile.
Jorg: ...yeeeaah...
Later on the three are gathered in a "common area" Luna is still trying to gather whatever useful information she can possibly gain from the two alien creatures.
Luna: So it's just you and Jorg here? I don't really see any more of your kind around...
Alpha: This is an outpost of sorts, our kind is responsible for keeping an equilibrium within the galaxy. This establishment is just one of many.
Luna: Well, you're making a great job of it, with all of the malcontent and poverty that's stricken earth throughout history.
Alpha: That's not on us, we're stewards of the "galaxy" not "humanity".
Besides, that's your mess, your bullshit.
And not to mention, as I said earlier we have tried; time and time again but an ape is an ape and I'll be damned if you can't teach it not to shit in it's own hand then fling at the nearest moving object.
Luna: I guess that's not something I could really wholeheartedly disagree with...
Alpha: Of course not, because I'm right.
Alpha: I bet you people don't even know that earth isn't even the first planet of which you have evolved, existed, and then proceeded to annihilate.
Luna: .....what?
And so alpha gives Luna a short summary of the real history of humanity. Of which first evolved on the planet venus, then mars, and now earth. You might be asking yourselves "if we originally existed on other planets then why isn't there a record of it?"
Well, this is infact because all we ever really managed to do was "exist" and then develop to an unsustainable level, summarily destroying ourselves and then over the course of an immeasurable span of time evolved on another nearby planet continuing the very same self defeating cycle in a sort of cruel cosmic irony.
Luna: ....I mean, this all kind of makes sense in a way.
Alpha: Of course it does..
Luna: We could never quite figure out why those planets may have once been habitable but then weren't.
Alpha: Hardest thing for a man to admit is when he's made a mistake.
Luna: Then there are those seismic records of "organized structures" beneath the surface of mars that geologically never quite made much sense.
Alpha: Those were shopping malls, parking lots, and billboard advertisements for erectile dysfunction medication.
Luna: Then what happened? Why did venus become uninhabitable? How did we become extinct?
Alpha: Climate change
Luna: ....and mars?
Alpha: Climate change
Luna: .....
Alpha: there's a third planet you people fucked up and haphazardly destroyed out of your own narcissistic bullshit. Care to guess which one?
Luna: I GET THE POINT!
All the while Jorg is sitting contentedly in a corner smashing his crystals, carelessly humming an oddly familiar melody not paying attention to anything going on around him.
Luna: I think Jorg has a problem...
Alpha: What do you mean?
Luna: He's an addict, he's addicted to those crystals.
*Jorg suddenly stops what he's doing and looks at Luna intently
Jorg: I CAN QUIT ANYTIME I WANT!
Luna: Yeah? Well why don't you?
*Jorg shrugs carelessly
Jorg: Don't want...
Alpha: He's not an addict, Jorg is a prophet among our people. The crystals help give him "clarity".
Jorg: Plus they get me really, really, FUCKED UP!
Luna: Why do you call him "Jorg" anyways? I thought that you said your kind have no need for "names"?
Alpha: He was given that name by a Germanic toddler that thought he was her puppy and ever since then it's stuck
*Jorg looks into the distance forlornly
Jorg: ....I still miss Hildy
Alpha: Besides, that isn't the only name you people have given Jorg throughout your short history.
Luna: What do you mean?
Alpha: Jorg is also known as "Moses of the Israelites"
Luna: The biblical figure Moses? Moses the prophet?
Luna: No.........way
Alpha: Oh? Hard to fathom that a motherfucking alien to your planet could have directly influenced the course of your entire history thus being revered as a divine figure? Which part is harder to believe? That aliens actually exist or that your religion is founded on bullshit?
Luna: But......How?
Alpha: We were in Egypt at the time, this was a period when we still had a certain sense of pity for the fate of mankind. Or more accurately, Jorg did.
Alpha: The Egyptian pharaohs were real assholes...
*Jorg chimes in
Jorg: Fascist pricks more like it...
Alpha: We really didn't want to get involved but Jorg has no tolerance for slavery whatsoever.
Jorg: Fuckin' dickheads had the Jews dying en masse carrying blocks from one side of the desert to the other like if they built a cinderblock mountain high enough their gods might actually give a shit!
Alpha: One thing led to another, Jorg lost his patience and incited a war.
Jorg corrects alpha: Judaic Revolution
Alpha: and after inadvertently freeing the Jews and causing the upheaval of an entire civilization we were kind of stuck with all these displaced refugees.
Jorg: When we tried to leave they started following us and so did the remaining Egyptian army...
Alpha: Things didn't exactly go like the biblical story tells.
Luna looking completely astonished: Like.....how do you mean?
Alpha: well, for instance we never "parted a red sea". It was more like a dammed up river.
Luna: How did you do that?
Alpha: Jorg can communicate with beavers...
Jorg winks at Luna: I speak to the beaver!
Luna: and the ten commandments?
Alpha: Well, after we got the Jews to safety....which took awhile.
Jorg: Had no idea where the hell we were going.
Alpha: yeah...all that desert looks the same....
Alpha: Just before we parted ways the jews asked their new savior, Jorg who they named "the prophet moses" to address them to give them spiritual guidance.
Jorg: All I really said was, "You people need to stop treating each other like dogshit".
Luna: .....and that became the "Ten commandments"?
Alpha: Yup...
Luna: what....the...fuck
Alpha: Your people...
Luna looks over towards Jorg who is once again furiously beating the last of his crystals with a small stone.
Luna: What happens when he doesn't have his crystals?
Alpha: He goes into a deep, unbridled psychotic rage.
Jorg pauses for a moment
Jorg: I'm almost out by the way...
Alpha: shut the fuck up Jorg I'm talking.
Luna: When was the last time he ran out?
Alpha: dark ages...
Luna: during the dark ages?
Alpha: No, Jorg caused them.
Luna: Bullshit! The dark ages were a culmination of decades upon decades of warfare!
Alpha: yeah.....war with Jorg. It wasn't really his fault, they started it.
Luna: Who started it?
Alpha: You know of the legendary viking warriors, the berserkers?
Luna: yes...and?
Alpha: one tried to fuck Jorg
*Jorg pauses again
Jorg: WE DON'T TALK ABOUT THAT!
Luna: I don't believe any of that...
Alpha: OH!? YOU DON’T?? You're having a conversation with two motherfucking extraterrestrials but you don't believe that one of them can see into the future, is the living personification of "Yahweh" and caused the downfall of an entire civilization because one fatass, drunk, serial rapist tried to sodomize the wrong sentient creature?
Luna: Prove it then...
Alpha: Prove what?
Luna: Prove he's prophetic!
Jorg suddenly stops what he's doing and looks at Luna
Jorg: I'm not a goddamned rodeo clown, it's not a fuckin parlor trick. I don't just use it offhandedly to impress ignorant assed lower lifeforms.
Luna: Exactly, because you're full of shit!
Alpha: You're gonna let her talk to you like that Jorg?
Jorg: FINE! FUCK IT!
*Jorg sets down his stone and his crystals furiously and then trudges over towards Luna and extends a single digit of his slender grey hand.
Jorg: Pull my finger!
Luna: What???
Jorg: You heard what I said PULLMYGODDAMNEDFINGER!
*she leans towards him and pulls his finger
*Jorg's eyes widen and he immediately goes into a trance-like state and begins speaking in a detached, monotone dialogue as if he is channeling something out of the ether itself:
Jorg: A long dead, ancient enemy has awakened from deep, deep within the darkness of space. Cold, unfeeling, ruthless. They are it and it are they. One without a soul, they are legion and it seeks to envelop your world in complete destruction. Every living thing shall be consumed until there is only the sound of silence, the sight of darkness, the everlasting void...
*Jorg then snaps out of his trance
Luna: what....WHAT WAS THAT!??
Jorg: What was what???
Alpha: Jorg never remembers his premonitions, it's up to those that hear them to interpret them.
Luna: You basically just said my world was going to get destroyed....by...some cosmic entity?
Jorg: I did??? SUCKS FOR YOU!
*Jorg carelessly trudges away towards his corner of the room where he commences smashing crystals with rocks.
Luna looks in bewilderment towards Alpha
Luna: He's always right about these things?
Alpha: He's never been wrong and more commonly his premonitions fall under a short timeframe. Conjoined with the concept of "fate" or "destiny". If Jorg says something is going to happen then the cosmic order is speaking through him and in the invariable patterns of reality, "shit's about to get real".
Luna: Then I have to get back to earth....fast.
*She glances helplessly at Alpha
*Alpha sighs bitterly
Alpha: Fine.....but it's not gonna be free.
Luna: What do you want?
Alpha: Ass, grass, or cash...
Luna: You're such a fucking asshole!
About the Creator
Farren Blackwell
stream of consciousness writing style
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