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Josephine

The ephemeral nature of consciousness

By Melissa IngoldsbyPublished 3 years ago 22 min read
3
Josephine
Photo by Sébastien Bourguet on Unsplash

Ch. 1 Luminous; the Present Time

"I have here, a list. No, not just a list. The List. The reckoning of all your days. As all humans commit both good and bad deeds, your own life’s deeds will be expected to bring both penance and dignity, humility and arrogance. Your questioning is also expected." It said methodically.

The towering, shadowy figure looked down at the attentive creature it was speaking to, a rather large stilted stand was before him as well, and amongst the pitch darkness, a thin, concentrated beam lit the neatly stacked papers upon the platform.

The person of whom 'It' was speaking to was standing quite nervously, trembling almost. In the darkness, there was a shadow of light that bathed the person, showing his sleepy brown eyes, naturally tanned skin, and unruly black hair. He had the attractive bone structure in his face giving him the vision of a younger Ben Whishaw, an English actor his younger brother Joseph had liked in movies such as Perfume: The Story of a Murderer, but Mr. Whisaw had a slightly more creepy and serious ambience than Hutch, as he was cheerful and relaxed.

"The life in which you led, the times you have spent tinkering with the so called 'paranormal' seems to have lead to your ultimate demise, so I ask you, do you have the faintest idea why you are here?" It asked softly, but clearly and concisely, trying to remember that mortals tend to be stupid and very nervous creatures.

"Should I know?" He said with a bite of humor, his eyes squinting trying to see… whomever or whatever he was speaking with.

"Sir," It spoke with clear sarcastic overtones, "You are confused. I can see that you are currently out of the Realm of Rationality and Reason. I will help you." The last of the words seemed to fade into a soft echo, and soon a flash of milky brown, harsh words, bleeding words that sunk into him, overtook him, compelling him to fall deeper into that dark haze... to fall...

Splash. Splattered. Screams. (Don't. let. go.)

Soon, the shattered memories pushed violently, deeper out of the far reaches of his subconscious, and it hit him with such a force, he fell to the dark ground.

Soon, the strange voices echoed louder and resonated through his senses like a monstrous tidal wave of screams (Don't, don't, don't... PLEASE!) And was pushed by this ferocity, and as such, they pounded his face mercilessly into the gravel and dirt.

They. Faintly, he could make out their forms, the white-clad mercenaries, now soaked in blood. (I...I love you.) As soon as the horrid visions of his Last Moments dissipated, he found himself in the exact position he was in previous, just moments earlier.

A minute passed.

Silence.

Then, in an uncontrollable burst of fear and grief, he sobbed and murmured unintelligible sounds, falling to his knees, for hi-.. his... (I do love you, you know?)

The unknown personage looked upon its new guest with apathy, and knew it was time to go on. "Take your deep thoughts and leave them to rest for now." It said soothingly, and soon, within moments, he was up and breathing more evenly, tears slowing and eyes tranquil and steady.

"Is she ...okay?" He said slowly, trying desperately to sound less nervous.

"Miserable, miserable, miserable." It uttered with disdain. "You have important matters that should concern you far more." It scoffed.

"None ...of my concern?" he said, trembling on his words, “Important matters?!”

It shook its heavy head, “Edward Hutchins. You should be well advised to keep your temper, for everything you say and do will determine your soul's ultimate resting." It replied evenly. "If you shall remain asinine and petulant with Us, my decision will be quite simple to analyze and establish."

"Wur-where am I?" Hutch asked shakily.

"Something you need to understand, Mr. Hutchins, and hopefully accept is that the body, the skin you have grown so accustomed to, is now keeping you from your very Soul and your mortality have indefinitely reached its end."

And yet all he could think about was...

(Nothing can keep us apart)

His eyes became glassy and far away, as he stared at It.

"What do you want from me?" He whispered.

(I do love you, you know?)

It smirked, "Time. That's all. Your time, and when we're done, you can leave." It said, reassuringly with a calmly collected bullshit that seemed to warp his thoughts. He could feel a creeping sense of horrid dread and an excruciating sadness twist around him internally. He could only nod, albeit weakly, in response.

He heard a whisper from his Host, and then, “You are only twenty-five years of age. Time should be no issue. There is nowhere to go as of yet.”

(Yes, yes, yes...) "We shall continue then," It took the papers from its rest. A soft snapping noise resounded through the walls and suddenly the whole room illuminated, and Hutch, in shock, winced and gasped sharply at the brightness.

Luminous.

But the strength of this luminosity seemed to cover him from all angles. Hitting him harder th-than... (Stop!! Oh GOD PLEASE STOP!!!) than a thousand blows of white hot stones, marred and jagged. (Hold me... don't. let. go.) Hutch’s dark brown eyes finally adjusted to the blinding insanity and took in a deep sigh to try to relax. (In vain as always...)

"It is Our duty to show you memories, horrible, disturbing things. You may or may not remember them, but nonetheless, you must see the good with the bad. We know you are exhausted, and completely dumbfounded by this whole ordeal. We know... We know..." (Lies, lies, lies...)

Hutch didn't speak; he just stood there, the false light of the room crawling into his thoughts.

"You are currently in the Realm of Light and Darkness. Your Soul is with The Balance. Don't delude yourself and think it’s all a dream."

Hutch listened blindly, his pupils dulled by the light and the pure miserable fact that he might never see (Splash. Splattered. Screams. No one will know, no one will ever know, no one but us.) Josephine again.

Words soon became unintelligible prattle, and soon he was transported back to a familiar scene, a comforting one.

...

"I am trying to concentrate!” Josephine wailed, in her usual way, her bright blue eyes reflecting in the various glass beakers and measuring equipment, contrasting with her silky cream colored brown skin, which was strange to her human compatriots because though she had normal skin she had no visible pupil, only a large iris, but what was interesting was they were beneath the first two eye layers, which her species’ scientists have shown that it increases a natural oil secreted from the eye that lets in a wider range of light and color. Hutch smiled his lopsided smile, and they met each other’s vision for a second; only to have Josephine scoff at him.

Hutch!” She warned him.

He lazed and strolled about her laboratory as if he lived there, which in some cases; he did, not leaving until his message was heard.

“How are you? What’s going on in your life lately? Have you seen the weather lately?” He asked with a certain sadistic appeal. “Whew! It looks like it’s gonna rain!”

“Damn humans always talking about the weather; have nothing better to talk about,” She laughed quickly, moving swiftly from beaker to beaker, testing out several chemicals, both from her planet and the earth, as well as other such dangerous acids, chemicals, and corrosive materials for toxicity levels in regarding human interaction.

Hutch had a clever rebuttal, but decided to get to the point. "I think I'm going soon. I mean, come on Josie, you really think I'm going to stay here waiting for your sorry ass." He teased, "I'm nineteen for Christ's sake," and he chuckled, tinkering with some lab equipment, waiting for the inevitable response, his semi-cryptic speech only for show.

A few minutes passed of silence, except for the clinking of beakers and glasses, and a noise slightly resembling a tea kettle about to fly off its handle, hot steam, and instead of boiling water, it was Josephine inside about ready to explode.

... "WHAT?"

Hutch smiled. Always the same. Always different, always the same.

Soon, Hutch was jutted out of his reverie of something actually pleasant or something similar to pleasant, and thrown back into the...

'Does it seem smaller or am I just seeing things? It seems like the walls are closing in on my soul.' Hutch thought in a haze of thought. He was no longer in the memory of so long ago, and yet, it had felt as if it happened freshly and it was new. “Suffocating it…”

…Realm. Light and Darkness.

"and you can leave... Time is all We need... you can leave..."

‘..But to where?’ The question was not only being asked in Hutch’s mind.

(Always the same, Always different.)

Everything was finally... Luminous.

--

Ch. 2 Desire?

(Desire suggests lack of fulfillment.)

"To say I desire you... to say that we desire each other, is to suggest something needs to be fulfilled, something unfulfilled. No, I tell you here and now, no matter what happens to you, or me, or us, whether things change, for better or for worse, know that my soul is full because of this, no matter how empty things can and will get. Nothing as sketchy as desire will take hold of me, I assure you." He looked sincerely into those lovely eyes of quirky brightness and a strange... how do you say? Fondness. Yes, a fondness. A certain fondness that seemed to tie all of the mess and bullshit that they have encountered into a single, solitary thought. (Splash. Splattered. Screams.)

...Love... True honest to God...

(Stop!! Oh GOD PLEASE STOP!!)

Love.

... "WHAT?!"

Hutch smiled. Always the same. Always different, Always the same.

"Yeah, I mean I think it’s time we moved on..." He went on. And though she knew exactly what he meant anyway, she wouldn't... didn't want to expose that last bit of insolence, her defiant nature that screamed as shrilly as she often articulated in real speech, “You're my enemy and you'll always be my enemy!! Nothing, not even the entire Planetary Alliance can change that!! Not even a little exile. Nope.”

But almost instantly, her quick anger of before melted and the fact that her concentration was broken was quickly forgotten. "Yes, I know..." She said softly, turning off the burners and placing the carefully wrapped capsules and beakers full of toxic chemicals inside a safety bubble. "I always knew. Truce?" She looked at Edward with a somewhat confused and bothered glance.

Hutch smiled and placed a hand upon his friend's shoulder. “You know it.”

(Always the same. Always different, Always the same.)

Hutch frowned slightly, and sighed, "Miss me, will ya? So at least I know that someone cares about this extremist stalker.” He chuckled, poking fun at the familiar attack on himself. Though, how true it was. But, he wasn't sad. No, no, no. (Yes, yes, yes...)

"Oh, and who might that be? Someone I don't know about?" Said Josephine dumbly, but he could see a hidden smirk in the other’s eyes.

Hutch drummed his knuckles across the lab table, his lopsided grin he so well wore turning into a fully fledged one. “It depends. Do you know who you are?”

“Hutch, I have to slain you one of these days.” She groaned at him, slapping him on the back, and Edward laughed out loud in a very annoying fashion, much to her disdain.

(Truce naturally melted into friendship, friendship blurring into...)

“And you are petulant. Childish, I say.”He said and she smiled at him with what seemed like shyness, but the easy grin she wore, mockingly, swiftly came back.

“So, anyway,” Hutch began, “I read that cannibalism, prominent in the 1950s, in the isolated Fore highlands of New Guinea… can cause some quite nasty results, I...”

“You are wasting my time indeed. I have no time to hear of such meat wastage.” She waved him off and he knew why she was displeased. Anyone who knew him, talked to him even for two minutes, would usually find themselves driven into pure annoyance by his seemingly random-based conversation. It wasn’t because of this, though, that she was annoyed because they would talk like this for hours sometimes, in the same patterns and same contexts. She knew he was just trying to say goodbye; and not the physical meaning what ‘goodbye’ entailed---it was something different.

He ignored her comments. “It seems to me that, setting aside the morality and dignity of the issue, this certain type of cannibalism, where they eat the human brain, causes this hysterical disease specifically. The distinction of the protein is…”

“Ah, Prion diseases! I shall look into it then, later.” She said authoritatively, and then went on with her research.

He knew she was interested in degenerative human diseases, which was the trap that ultimately lead to the true goal of the conversation, knowing this, he frowned slightly but continued: “You know what I’m talking about then; I’m sure you have encountered other species partake in cannibalism. It’s sad, anyway, really it is, but I can’t bring myself to understand these people’s mindsets.”

“Yes, I have.” She said matter-of-factly, not seeing Hutch’s estranged reaction. “I understand them, and for most, all people, they only want and need degeneration.”

She waited for him to talk, but she saw that he was frustrated because his goodbye wasn’t working, so she looked at him seriously. “There is no one out there that isn’t being controlled or influenced by something, someone, or otherwise, and in your opinion, that is the Devil in your world. Humans are the only living creatures on earth that feel the need to separate themselves, differentiate, discriminate… so intensely against each other and that is the pitfall of humanity in regards to efficiency They think that diversity is great and is a cause for advancement and can bring them together. But that diversity is what causes wars, fights, riots, and situations as you described here. Diversity in religion, language, ethnicity, culture, etc is what may make them unique and special but it is not important to an advancement of any real substance.” She sighed and he shook his head as she continued. “Animals, plants and insects have instincts that keep them thriving, living, continuing in the so called ‘circle of existence’ that I’ve heard you call it. They are more peaceful in a sense, do not fight unless it’s for a mate, shelter, for food, sunlight, water, and the strongest, most intelligent survive. Humans are weak, delusional, confused, arrogant and very cruel, and the lowest of the low can live and breathe and waste every single viable resource before they perish. And what has that accomplished? Nothing!” She sighed slightly; catching Hutch’s drumming his fingers against the table. His eyes were looking straight at her, but his body language was very tense.

Hutch frowned again. “Progress in the human race has been shining through in the form of many scientific achievements… take one of the most powerful weapons, the Atomic bomb, which is possibly the most awesome force ever discovered by man, and it is something I respect greatly. It is always keeping everyone in check, because though countries and governments and their political leaders will always have their enemies and ideological differences, religious warfare and otherwise, it’s obvious we would have complete destruction and no one wants to die, ha hah. Therefore we have a domino effect, and peace and war come hand in hand. It’s disgusting, really, how hundreds of thousands can die every day, every moment, and we can still be happy and smug with ourselves. We have the technology era, where forms of tech help the environment, help benefit life in general, help with medical progress and aid in the process of disease control… but most of all...”

“You are a hypocrite.” She said almost too happily to be in the right conversation. “You have relayed to me on numerous occasions you find most of humanity’s accomplishments revolting and miniscule compared to God and what He has in store. You have also said that because all of humanity has arrogance, they believe that all of their futile and worthless governments and ideals and technology can successfully give them freedom of suffering, famine, and otherwise. But they all fail, sooner or later. All you have accomplished currently is living comfortably. Even then, you’re all still unhappy about everything.” She tapped Hutch’s forehead. “And what good does massive human destruction bring if it is only a dream, a mere threat, something that might never happen? And why you speak of technology so reverently isn’t because you grasp the beauty, the poetry, the complexity of it, the science and math behind it, it’s because it makes your life easier, like you implied. Life is about striving, working through struggles head on, thinking logically and honestly about the world beyond your own pathetic influence…” She trailed off and growled.

“Okay, I see. I understand.” Hutch eyed her and wanted to comment on her ideas of the destruction of humanity but continued the point, “How people like the New Guinea tribes have been isolated from everyone and everything else, this isn’t just because they were shy or trying to be interesting, no, they were separated, isolated from society for a reason. Their complicated yet easy degeneration is just a reminder of how low we can really get, and just how far the human psyche can reach worse immorality and defiance against the natural order God set us to. The rest of us are just dying off at an increasingly, frustratingly, slower pace.”

She tapped her middle finger at an empty beaker. “That’s the just of it. But, yes, these people you spoke of needed to be destroyed. Their culture and civilization was useless, as is all culture. They seemed to be worshipping the dead, and that is a useless, stupid practice. You must respect death, the finality of it all, but not revere it so much that you start to consume your neighbors rotting tentacles.” She stopped and looked at some measurements thoughtfully, checking through each piece of data on her computer. “But then again, it maybe wasn’t death they revered, but just that they were human beings trying to survive in their harsh environment. Never know.”

Hutch jumped up. “I don’t believe in respecting death! Death is a consequence of man’s deliberate and vicious denial of God’s true purpose for us.”

Josephine said nothing, rolling her eyes at his strange outburst, which was normal for him; but anyone else would have thought him rude or just plain blasphemous. But instead she jumped to another whimsical thought; because in her mind, people could have their fantasies if they pleased. “Well I for one see the futile nature of thinking human beings are worth living forever with their arrogance and unwillingness to see past their own selfish desire to rule over each other in one form or another. My species have it right---keep as close an eye on your friends as you do your enemies. Always be skeptical, always be on the lookout for yourself, and never trust their ideas or their promises, or their folly’s. But forgive them, stay with them, and let them think they are safe. Always be ready to turn your back on them, and survive.”

Hutch kept tapping on the lab table, his fingers rolling against the sterile counter. She swatted at his hand, and she continued on with her speech.

“The best thing is they honestly cannot be angry with you, because you were so honest with your motives with them in the first place. Enemies are so much nicer than friends! I would rather marry someone with a gun pointed to my head than someone telling me I was the most important thing in their life.” She shuddered, her eye twitching. “When it sounds false, it most always is, even if it is said in heartfelt motive.”

Hutch looked at her with a gaze of something thoughtful, not about what she said, but thoughtful about her. Hutch cleared his throat to signify indignation, and then smiled slightly. “But there are some people that aren’t susceptible to culture and norms or what is ‘cool’ or ‘happening’, who are for advancement of the mind, of single thought processes that do not revolve around anyone else’s, and who can and will…” Hutch lost his own train of thought, realizing how much he hated people and yet tried to regain human kind’s worth.

“You want to protect them, then?” Josephine narrowed her bright eyes, but she had this smile on that subtly mocked his heroic ‘black and white-ness’ and yet showed affection.

Hutch said nothing.

A few minutes of silence appeared out of abrupt awkward air. Hutch began, “You know I…” he had the right words but was too chicken shit to say it. “You know I don’t even need to think about that anyway.”

And this was his goodbye, and as she realized it, there was a brief moment of silence. “Also, though I agree that culture is a degenerative extension of humanity; its sole purpose being so that humanity can discriminate over who is right, what is right, and so on, I believe that though humanity doesn’t need to be saved, they should be protected. We already have the choice to be saved, and it won’t be because of any human.”

Josephine smiled. “Ah, so, the point emerges. Your hypocrisies never fail to shine brighter than that corny little smile plastered upon your face.” He cracked a grin at the comment. “Nevertheless, I see that, well I think I can guess as to the point of the conversation. You hate human beings, you hate everything about them, but you believe that greatness, intelligence, love and all those goodies of life can be salvaged if given the right circumstance. How can something so parasitic have worth??”

“And how is your civilization not parasitic? Was it not your goal to destroy and dismantle all of earth’s resources, politics, governments, and set us all loose into chaos… just so that you could steal our technology, our nuclear technology to be exact? Just like I said before, war and peace come hand in hand. With our destruction, you would be in control over an already peaceful organization, gaining power, but continuing in your alliance and fortitude.” He stated bluntly. “Though you may be of a different species, you all act just like we do.” He added as an afterthought.

She ignored the last statement. “This organization, the Planetary Alliance, is not as peaceful as you think. There’s a lot of corruption and false treaties made. The leaders are unknown, so no one can ever trace their personage or their whereabouts, and two of the leaders were helping my people out in this endeavor to capture said technology. And we are parasitic, I know this. We are war hungry people. I don’t care; in fact I like it. I am merely discussing your issue with your own people’s destruction, protection, whatever.”

“It’s not up to me what happens. I can only be proud of stabilizing the both of us into a dormant, inactive rivalry with a little truce mixed in. I can’t say that the only reason I come over and talk to you is because I have to in order to survive, but… it’s not up to me what happens.” He repeated again, looking at her in the eye.

“Oh Edward…” Josephine said quietly, not fitting the tone of the conversation, eyeing him carefully. “It’s not about that. I don’t care either, but I still think about hunting and plotting against you every single moment.” She laughed shortly.

He gave her a concerned look; he didn’t always know if she was serious or not, but he smiled anyway. “And then I will kill you!” She whispered at him.

“We will always agree on every issue… disagree on the larger picture, but…” Hutch smiled at his words. “In the end, I would never eat your brain. Too many rocks in there.” He knocked on her head playfully; Josephine swatting away his hand like a fly.

(I do love you, you know?) It was then he realized what she had just said. He was shocked, he had never heard Josephine just call him Edward, not in the way it was just said, no, and he was about to comment on it, but she decided to surprise him again.

Suddenly, she had encumbered her full length and full attention around his own body, holding him carefully, and Hutch had never felt such aching, such horrible warmth, such a sea of thoughts that swarmed the embrace, and it was a mixture of old anger and old odium, now mixed with truce and some trust and intellectual warmth. It only lasted four seconds at best, and it felt like four seconds. Just enough time. It was more like a ghost of affection. Like she didn’t know what it was, and was just reacting how she thought she should, and for him, it was almost similar. But it was a start. (To what???)

Hutch's eyes widened slightly in shock by this uncharacteristic change in Josephine's usually indifferent and serious behavior, melodramatic at times and altogether idiosyncratic, but instantly he hugged back, with no sign of hesitation.

"Wha-" Hutch began as he felt something being slipped in his palm, enclosed by his hand, she had relinquished a folded note to him. Relinquished being the right term, at least in terms of sharing such intimate information.

"Just... read it when you're alone." Josephine whispered, letting go of her friend. She looked to the floor and then at Hutch, smiling weakly. It abruptly became awkward. Strange and unfamiliar.

He tried to smile back, but looked to the floor. A few moments passed by.

Then, before they could stop it, their eyes met, and for a brief moment, Hutch thought there was something longing in those eyes.

Soon, both drifted out of the reverie. Josephine smiled wryly at him. “Goodbye.” She said.

He replied, “Bye,” leaving her as he gently closed the door behind him.

Swirled out, just to be sucked back in.

As soon as he walked out of Josephine’s tattered front lawn, he opened the note.

Swirled out, just to be sucked back in.

And Hutch thought:

Was it…

(Desire?)

fantasy
3

About the Creator

Melissa Ingoldsby

I am a published author on Patheos.

I am Bexley is published by Resurgence Novels here.

The Half Paper Moon is available on Golden Storyline Books for Kindle.

My novella Carnivorous is to be published by Eukalypto soon! Coming soon

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