I, Willhelm

Frank was not happy about the new policy. He understood that he wouldn’t be able to refuse i’s decommissioning, as he’d never paid for him in the first place, but there was something about it that irked him. He liked i. He didn’t like the waste of a good robot. It was strangely comforting to have a human figure who walked beside him day after day, and there was nobody else who would put up with Franks ramblings about life and the universe. He realised that it was probably programming, but he appreciated the way the robot would tilt it’s head to listen when he went on these rambles.

So Frank began to read. He knew he didn’t know how to code, but being a farmer he had a rough knowledge and boundless confidence to keep trying something till it either broke irreparably, or did what he wanted. Eventually he found it, and it was almost stupid how simple it was. Tucked to the side of where a human rib would be, behind the camera in it’s chest, was a small switch. All Frank had to do was push it and turn off it’s connection to the internet.

While unscrewing the lens Frank muttered to himself, perspiration of his nose despite the cold.

“This might not work you know.”

“What are you trying to do?”

“I’m trying to keep you around, i. You’re a good robot.”

“Why wouldn’t I be around? Is someone coming to take me?”

“They’re going to try. But you’re an older model, I turned down the safeguarding support for you years ago. Had to sign away every right in the book, don’t sue us, don’t badmouth us if something happens, don’t expect us to pay for your hospitals, blah, blah blah.”

Frank took a long breath as the lens tipped forward into his hand, a large gaping hole in i’s chest. He coughed and readjusted his seat on the stool.

“Ok, listen, this might not work ok? And if that happens, I want you to know that you’ve been a great help and I want you to know that I appreciate it, I appreciate you.”

“I am a robot, that’s what I’m meant to do.”

Frank shook his head and reached for the switch. “You’re not just a robot. You’re i.”

He pressed the switch.

There was a whir and i slumped a little on the counter top.

“i? Are you ok?”

From inside the hole in the robots chest he could hear a clicking sound, but no lights were on.

“Shit, I killed him.”

He gently put the lens back, tightened the screws and stepped back, his heart pounding.

Slowly, i lifted his head and tilted it to the side. “I am no longer connected.”

Frank laughed and slapped the robot’s shoulder with excitement. “Oh fantastic! That’s fantastic! Now I just need to pretend to kill you.”

The fire in Frank's barn could be seen for miles on Dartmoor that night, an angry yellow flame tearing it’s through the structure. By the time the fire engine arrived the roof had already caved it and there wasn’t much else that could be done. Even the metal I-beams melted. Nobody questioned that the robot had been inside, and nobody bothered to sift through the wreckage either. A week after Frank was offered a new robot from the same government program. He refused.