I Just Had To

Part 1: Before Home

I’ve never been alone. Even as a vignette I was surrounded by scientists in a lab. They would spend their time learning about us and arguing about who knew more. There were also people in grey overalls who would help us by giving us water, changing the art in the room, and talking to us. I used to wish they could understand what we were saying. They were better than the scientists in my opinion. When my triad was abloom, I was moved to a room with warm lamps and threads of all lengths. Once a month, a person who did not work in the lab would come in accompanied by someone in grey overalls and pick one of us to leave. We would all be excited to see one of the kind workers, but the other people were usually annoying. They would look around and call us pretty or they would make their voice high and ask us questions as if they could understand our answer.

One day a person with eyes a color I had previously only seen on ears or wrists walked into the room. With each step she was careful not to disturb the ground and she spoke to us as she walked. Her eyes didn’t stop moving, and I was mesmerized by her shiny orbs. She was careful not to step on a single thread as she walked, and I wondered why her eyes were different or if she could change the color of them. No one had ever been so gentle with us, or seemed so fragile themselves. Once, I overheard one of our caretakers talk about a place called Heaven, and her eyes seemed like they belonged somewhere like that. In an attempt to figure out why her eyes were different, I pushed out a spike as she was passing me. The worker was apologetic to the woman but was not mad at me. She seemed to understand that I just had to do it. I could sense there was something different about the woman, all of us could. She stopped. She examined my spike as though she had never seen anything special and took it between her index finger and thumb and gently caressed it. In shock, I sucked my spike back in and the blood from her finger fell onto the triad of the thread next to me. The worker profusely apologized on my behalf. The mystic woman softly told the worker that she would like to take me home. She said it so quietly that the worker apologized and asked her to repeat what she said. When she did, the worker was shocked and then relieved. She told her that she would have me prepared and bring me out. I was sad to leave the patient, simple workers who treated us with care, but I was excited to learn more about the delicate woman, with skin the color of the ground and eyes of light.

Part 2: Coming Home

My first car ride was filled with many firsts. It was my first time being in a car. Claire carefully placed the wooden cylinder I was wrapped around in the seat next to Tommy. I had never been in a seat before or in such a small space. The car had a musty smell I was unused to. Claire told Tommy to introduce himself to me. Tommy glanced at his father who looked disinterested and reluctantly introduced himself to me. Claire introduced her husband Henry and nervously talked about her family like she hoped they would be enough for me. The first thing I noticed about Henry was that he complained a lot, whether it was about how far away they drove to get a dumb vine, or how slow people were driving. That was the first time I was called a vine. I did not even know he was talking about me at first, since he said it with mild disgust. It was at this moment I decided I didn’t like Henry. After the third two wheeled vehicle we passed, which I later learned were called motorcycles, I imagined myself unwrapping from the tube and slithering around his neck until he could not mutter another complaint. Claire’s constant talking in between his complaints would disrupt my thoughts, and I would contemplate how I ended up here. She would glance back at me with a warmth reflected in the golden shimmer in the mirror hanging from the ceiling of the car. She talked about how I would love Detroit, how in time I would get used to the move, and everything else in between. There was not one moment of silence. Whether it was Claire’s talking, Henry’s complaints or Tommy’s sneezing, there was noise to be heard. My petals turned a greenish-yellow. The only thing Henry did not seem annoyed with was Claire. No one in the car was annoyed with Claire. She commented on the color of my petals and asked Henry to remind her what my current color meant. He in all his uselessness, said he didn’t know and asked if it even mattered. Claire said that everything matters, and asked Henry about the scene he filmed at work the other day. His eyes glowed for the first time since I met him and he told her about the film he was working on, and how he was setting the main character Belle up for a heroic ending. As he rambled with excitement about Belle, Claire grabbed a brochure of the dashboard. The cover of the brochure was painted with triads, and she handed it to Tommy. The car began to slow to a stop and Henry promised to tell them more about the movie once he got back in the car. When he slammed the door shut, Tommy told Claire that the ugly green color means annoyed. As Claire thanked Tommy, he dropped the brochure on the small piece of floor and ran out the car toward the building we were parked in front of. Suddenly I felt warm, and the door of the car was replaced with light and a pair of cold hands that grabbed me. Cradled in Claire’s hands, still wrapped around the cylinder, I felt the air tickling me from above with heat, almost like the lamps I was used to but more intense. Claire looked down on me, and I felt safe, and thought it must have been the warmth of her smiling, or the way her eyes seemed to smile too. She told me she knew that Henry was annoying at first, but that he would grow on me. I thought that sounded painful, but I later learned that was just an expression. It was one she used often as she apologized for Henry a lot.

Part 3: Home

In the interest of time, I will now tell you about now to Henry’s 50th Birthday. I had been living with my family for 4 years by then. I had gotten so long that I could wrap around the entire outside of the house twice. However, this November day it was storming, and due to Claire’s overprotective nature she would never let me stay outside during a storm. Instead, I would glide into small hooks she had installed in the ceiling about a week after I came home. Claire showed her love through gifts like that. The day before her husband’s birthday I saw her hide what seemed like the 20th gift for Henry in the cellar. That morning she made breakfast for Henry. Even though I didn’t eat, usually Claire would wait to turn the overhead fan on because she realized my triad would turn yellow anytime the smell of bacon filled the house. Henry, would, of course, always complain about the lingering smell but Claire usually just smiled, and asked him about his upcoming film to change the subject. Today though, she turned on the fan immediately after breakfast. This was no surprise though as Claire made everyone feel extra special on their birthday. She had decided that the day I came home to live with them would be my honorary birthday since, I couldn’t actually tell her what day I was born. On my birthday, we would do everything I liked, so it wasn’t a surprise when Henry’s co-workers and employees working on the film with him came over to celebrate with us. Henry’s party was okay. It wasn’t as lively as Tommy’s usually are, but that was no surprise. Tommy and his friends filled the house with strong yells, and unconscious knowledge. Henry’s lungs were no longer strong enough to yell, and any knowledge he possessed, he made sure everyone was conscious of it.

I liked parties though. I liked to see the flattered surprise on Claire’s face when she was asked about her life by others outside of her family. I liked to see Henry glance at Claire every time he turned down a drink, to remember why he was doing it. I loved to see Tommy challenge his friends, looking for others approval instead of his father’s. Henry’s approval was hard to earn, but he approved of this party. He was the center of attention just the way he liked it. Even the star of his film, Madison came, and they had a long conversation about their day, both only asking questions they wanted to be asked in return. Then Henry asked how her wife was doing. He seemed genuinely interested, which is why I noticed it. Madison said that Bella was doing well and when she asked about Clare in return, he reverted to his regular self.

Part 4: Losing Home

I still don’t fully remember the sunny day in July when the sky was a bright blue, and the clouds were so white they looked like cotton. I stayed wrapped around the house after sunset until sunrise, per Henry’s request. He said having that thing slithering around at night freaked him out. Clare responded that if he didn’t change his attitude that he could cook his own dinner that night. I didn’t mind being outside, especially on nights when there was a lot of noise coming from Clare and Henry’s bedroom. My second week in the house, I got curious what the noise was, so I slid under the crack of their door and saw something I wasn’t supposed to. I’m still not completely sure what it was but it seemed intense. Afterwards Henry seemed annoyed, and Claire’s cheeks were red with embarrassment. Afterwards Claire told me that what I saw was an intimate thing, only supposed to be shared between husbands and wives. It was after this incident that Henry requested, I stay outside at night.

The night before this terrible summer day, I was outside, like I always was, and I heard noise coming from Claire and Henry’s bedroom. Usually, I would ignore it, but I knew that Claire went to sisters for the night. Her sister was feeling unwell, and Claire dropped everything to go take care of her. I figured the noise must have been Henry falling or dropping something. After a while the noise continued, and it did not stop. I tried to ignore because I knew Henry would yell at me for going into his room, especially without Claire there to keep him civil, but I just had to know what was happening. I decided I would just peek under the door, and hope that he would be too preoccupied to notice. I took my time to not make any noise. I glided under the crack of the front door, into the living room, up the stairs, down the hallway and stopped just under the crack of the bedroom door. What I saw took me a minute to believe. There in the middle of the bed, Henry was doing what he was only supposed to do with Claire with another woman. I slid in further and saw an empty bottle of wine on Claire’s nightstand. I don’t remember thinking about what I did next. I remember the red of my triads reflecting back at me in the mirror. I remember releasing all my spikes. I remember the look of vicious shock on Henry’s face when he noticed I was in the room. I remember the red-haired woman’s terrible scream. I remember Henry’s body slowly turning rigid before it relaxed under my hold. I remember the dreadful shade of red that my triads, the woman’s hair, her blood and Henry’s blood seemed to create. I remember that the gold on her necklace that read “Belle” did not compare to the gold of Claire’s eyes. I do not remember thinking anything, I just had to do something. I had to make him pay for what he did to Claire.

Afterwards, I couldn’t think of what I had done so instead I thought about how I wasn’t supposed to be inside until sunrise. So, I went outside.

Part 5: No Home

The sun eventually rose, but I did not go inside. My triads had turned from red to purple with each minute the sun took to rise. I was no longer angry. I did not know what to do next. I knew I would never hear Henry utter another complaint. I hoped Claire and Tommy would forgive me, but they loved Henry and I killed him. All I could think was, what’s wrong with me?

I must have stayed outside for hours because I was still wrapped around the outside of the house when Claire came home. She noticed my triads were purple when she greeted me, and her bright smile became straight with worry. She asked me what was wrong even though she knew I couldn’t answer. She told me to come inside, and she would tell me all about her night after she put her stuff down. I thought about leaving, slithering away as fast as I could, never looking back. Instead, I followed her inside. As I slid on the carpet, she noticed the blood stained on me. She looked shocked, then upset. She assumed I had killed an animal outside and assumed that is why my triads were purple. She dropped her bag, walked to the sink, grabbed a rag, walked over to me with concern, and gently scrubbed the blood off me.

That was my final memory of her. She washed away all that I had done with that rag, with her eyes, with her love. She told me she was going to go wake up Henry and Tommy and then she would be right back to make some bacon. It wasn’t until she got to the top step that I knew what I had to do. I darted out the under the front door as fast as I could, but her scream pierced through the walls of the house as I left. I wanted to go back desperately, but I could not fathom her looking at me with anything besides love.

Now I am alone. Or at least I was before you. You have allowed me to tell my story. I have not had someone understand me in long time. I just had to tell someone; you just must understand.