Guilty by Association
Dirty Little Secret Continued
My sister-in-law called me the other day. “I had this crazy dream.”
“Oh yeah? What happened?”
“We were all at a party. The whole family was at the house and I went into labor. I didn’t even know I was pregnant.”
“Well, you were the one who helped me. It was pain free. I ended up giving birth to triplets—two boys and a girl. Everyone was healthy. Granny was so excited.”
…and my heart sunk. A feeling of guilt and betrayal washed over me. “I am so sorry,” I told her.
"What do you mean you’re sorry?”
“I’m just afraid this wasn’t a dream. What if it was real? What if I was really helping you with delivering babies?”
“Is that possible?”
“Yes. Yes it is, and I am so sorry.”
What had sent me into this tailspin? What about the dream story upset me so much? As an abductee, or someone who is taken on board UFOs or space shifts for multiple reasons, I have first hand horrific recall of moments like my sister-in-law was describing. There was always someone there to make me feel more secure, calmer, however, I don’t ever remember it being a human who was helping me. Does this mean that I have defected to the other side, so to speak?
Don’t get me wrong—this one dream from a relative didn’t cause me to jump down this rabbit hole and make some delusional conclusions. This is certainly not the first time I have been told about similar dreams or memories. A good friend of mine has told me at least twice that she has dreamed of being in a huge hotel or conference, and I was always there to guide her where she needed to go. Again, this sounds rather benign—but I know these conference type dreams are common among contactees (another term for abductees which will be explored momentarily). I have had several of them.
This may also explain all those times when I meet new people and they feel they already know me. One close friend of mine swore he knew me in high school. I had to explain to him that I grew up in a different state and that I was married with children by the time he was in high school! I found out later he is an abductee.
I have heard this countless times. I have started telling people, “I just have that kind of face—I always look like someone.” But it is unsettling. Then there was the one man about 16 years ago when I was working in the children’s department of the local library who approached me to ask a question. I was seated on a stool partially obscured by the stacks. But when I stood to address him, he back pedaled and nearly fell over himself as he ran away from me yelling “Oh my God, it’s you!” To this day, I have no idea who he was.
Now, couple this information of being a guide or a helper in these possible dream/possible other situations with my last abduction (if it can be called an abduction). I wrote about this experience in my last article, Don’t I Know You? At the end of October 2018, I was awakened by three beings in my room. One of the creatures looked really familiar. At the time I said, “It’s you!” and I willingly reached out my hand for him to take it. Upon recall, I am very concerned about when I switched from being terrified during these experiences versus now being a willing, even eager, participant. When did I stop being too afraid to turn the light off at night and begin to be someone happy to see an extraterrestrial “friend?”
This is when semantics come into play. Am I an abductee if I go willingly? No. No I am not. Am I being taken into UFOs on a regular basis? Yes. Maybe that makes me a contactee. A contactee is in contact with aliens for a variety of reasons, from learning things to medical procedures and more. The connotation of being a contactee is the willingness to be one. My fear and feelings of violation have faded. So, what does that make me now? Not only am I a willing participant, I am helping these abductors to calm their subjects.
The immediate image that pops into my head is that of Patty Hearst. Patty was kidnapped, beaten, threatened with death, but then was caught working with and for her captors. She was found guilty for various crimes but was eventually pardoned. She didn’t really have a choice but to start following her captors’ beliefs if she wanted to live. It’s also possible that Patty was experiencing Stockholm Syndrome, where abductees side with their captors and will actively work against law enforcement and their own best interests.
Recently I have realized my “purpose.” My raison d’etre. The why behind “Why am I here?” I am supposed to help people reduce their trauma (which must be why I have been compelled to get my masters in Marriage and Family Therapy and focus on clinical hypnosis). While I have worked with many clients who from PTSD, it is the abductees that I am really being drawn to work with. I know that by addressing my own ET related traumas I can now sleep at night. My paranoia is down to a level I can just push away when I hear it whisper. I can also recall more and more experiences immediately upon returning instead of in flashbacks. It has only been the last few months that this has really settled into my consciousness as my purpose. I feel that I need to reduce these traumas so that we abductees/contactees can be more active participants in what we are experiencing. If we don’t retreat into trauma maybe we can maintain our autonomy during these experiences.
I told a friend about feeling like I’d been used on ship for comfort and that I think it relates to my trauma work. She told me that I’m probably right. She told me when she first met me she felt instant trust and calmness. She said, “You seem to be a natural at helping and understanding people.” Our bond was immediate and strong when we met—like family that has gone through tough times together.
But now I wonder if this is part of the indoctrination process. Have I become like Patty Hearst? Have these alien beings instilled a philosophy and agenda into my psyche over the last several decades and now they feel that I am brainwashed to the point that I will obey and spread their word on my own?
This idea also brings up horrible images of molesters grooming their prey, which I just want to push away with both hands and run. Surely that isn’t a valid comparison. However, I do feel I have been violated—I may now be helping perpetrate those same violations upon other humans, my loved ones even. And this thought just sickens me.
What is being passed onto me that I am teaching others? If we can’t learn what their actual agenda is, let’s examine the messages. The main message I am receiving is that acting from a place of trauma does not lead to increased self-control. This tells me two things:
- They want us to be psychologically sound.
- They want us to be active participants in these experiences.
Sounds good to me, however... We need the autonomy to say, “Ok, I will go with you” rather than waking up with bruises wondering what fresh Hell we went through the night before.
The other messages that come through for many experiencers are caring for the environment, caring for one another, focusing on love, and the like. Granted these messages often come from visions of catastrophes and war—which leads us back to the Stockholm Syndrome…
Is it so bad to be swayed into wanting to protect the Earth, wish for global peace, and to operate from a stance of compassion and love? Is it so bad to calm those who are scared and who find themselves literally in an alien environment?
Flipside—is it ok to ask someone to allow themselves to be used as a genetic incubator against their will? What if those people are your children? I have recalled memories from hypnotic regression of being abducted with my father. My children will have bruises appear the same time I have conscious recall of contact. Without full recall I do not know how much I am protesting…or not. Am I open and willing to help or am I being coerced?
Flip the coin again…still more questions than answers. I voiced my current feelings of guilt and shame around this new role to Yvonne Smith who has worked with experiencers for many years. She stated that this isn’t the first time she has heard of humans being conscripted to assist in abductions. She said it’s like we “graduate” into new roles. I remember being in junior high and compulsively drawing out these huge black monster eyes over and over on my homework. At the same time, I would day dream about being an emissary between humans and an alien race that has come to Earth. Now at the age of 44 I am putting those pieces together. Maybe I have always known what my role was with these alien beings.
Maybe I have “graduated” from being experimented on to being a guide and helper. I will help my fellow humans as much as I possibly can no matter the circumstances, but I just can’t stand the thought of helping others to hurt them. There must be a solution here. And maybe working with trauma is it. Will we find autonomy in these abductions? Will we break free from the trance that we are often put in for complacency with the ETs? And if we do, will we go willingly? Will we choose to work with these beings? I apparently have, even if subconsciously. What about everyone else?