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Dubya meets Karen, the alien.

The origins of bitcoin

By Liam FitzgeraldPublished 3 years ago 7 min read
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30th July 2008

Entry from the diary of President George Bush Jr.

Dear diary,

Today, while I was in the office. My secretary called to say I had a visitor named Karen – which I personally believe is a fine name for a strong woman. So, I ordered my secretary to show her in.

In walks this absolute bombshell – long blonde hair, a tight red dress, and lipstick to match. I thought to myself “Have I just been sent an angel by God himself?” but the truth was it was more like Lucifer had sent a succubus to suck the life right out of me.

“Can I help you maam?” I enquired politely, but she just smiled and said back in a warm motherly tone “No Georgie, but I can sure help you!”

I offered her a seat and she made herself at home – which was odd. Most people are pretty impressed by my office.

“Well honey I do like the sound of that, but you’ve got me curious. What sort of help are you offering?” I asked. It was not like it was the first or even tenth time I had been propositioned in the office. I figured it was a kink some women had, that was fun for both of us (as long I made them sign a disclosure).

“Oh Georgie, you naughty boy!” She started while one hand covered a grin. She was so beautiful I was already standing to attention by this point, and it took everything I had not to rush to the end zone.

“Now shouldn’t you be setting a better example to the world?” She said coyly. So, I played along.

“Of course, darling, I only mean to ask what sort of outcome you’re looking for out of todays meeting.” I said as I tactfully adjusted my pants. Trying not to sound too eager.

“Oh, you know, I’d just like to give humanity a slight nudge towards globalization so they can start being productive members of the galaxy!” She said with a warm smile.

“Sweetie you are definitely out of this world but I haven’t got a clue what you mean by that Global itemization stuff” I replied, confused – but still hard.

“Well George to put it in simple terms, when the rest of the galaxy looks at earth, we think wow! Those apes have really come a long way in their last few hundred rotations around their sun, but do you think that means we wanna come play in the sandbox? Nuh-uh!” She started enthusiastically.

“In fact, we’ve almost accepted that due to your aggressive progression of technology not being matched by really any progression of your ideology it’s only a matter of time before your tribalism leads to your mutual destruction. You know that phrase right?”

She kept her tone light and playful the whole time, and so thinking I still had a chance I played ball and said:

“Yeah honey, I get it. So what you’re trying to tell me is that us and the Saudi’s and the Russians are gonna nuke the hell out of each other and blow up the planet before we get a chance to hold hands and become one big global society? Yeah, I’ve heard that one before but you try telling them people what to do with their goddam oil.” It’s fair to say I thought this meeting was getting a little weird but what the hell, she was hot.

“Ding ding ding ding! Correct!” She said enthusiastically like a proud kindergarten teacher.

“And what I’m here to tell you Mr. President is that the key to combining the world's resources without war is… any guesses? That’s right – money!” She produced a manuscript and slammed it on the table, causing me to jump a little.

“This document needs to be published anonymously after you delegate the project to a discreet MIT team of developers who I’ve already spoken to for you.” She said with a certain authority.

“I’ve been working on a new electronic cash system that’s fully peer-to-peer, with no trusted third party” I read aloud “Honey I don’t think I’m the right man for your little business idea, think we might move on to the fun part of the meeting? I don’t know how long I can keep this tent pitched if you catch my drift.” I said with a gentleman’s smile.

It was then that she sighed “I thought I would need to look like this to get your attention but obviously, I overestimated your self-control, Georgie.” She stood and spun around on the spot and bam, instead of the hot blonde – a 30-year-old version of my goddam mother sat in front of me!

I leaped back from my chair and stared at her, eyes wide.

She looked at my crotch and said “Is that a gun in your pants hunny or are you just happy to see your ma?”

Instant deflation, I’ve never lost interest in a meeting quicker in my life – the blood ran out of my wiener like a scolded hound.

“That’s better” said ma.

“What.. what kind of demon are you?” I asked.

“Ok, firstly. There’s absolutely nothing religious about this encounter.” She began “and secondly George, I’m not a demon I’m what you would call an extra-terrestrial.”

“You’re an alien?” I said in disbelief – she didn’t look anything like the photos I’d seen.

“I knew you were out there but I thought you would… look different.” I said.

“Georgie, we can appear however we want – I just thought my first form would get your attention. I was a little too correct obviously so this will have to do.”

“Ok. Ok.” I said

“Shhh sweetie, just listen now.” She said with a tone of authority and I couldn’t help it. I sat back down and listened at attention.

“If you don’t do the things I told you to do with that manuscript, I’m going to come back here and be you.” She said.

“But.. but why?” I stammered.

“Because apparently somebody fucking put you in charge Georgie, now if you don’t want a firm spanking from mummy I suggest you do as I…” She paused and looked at my lap.

“Are you hard again?” she said with a lost expression on my mother's face.

“I’ve just got a thing for spanking sorry you really hit the nail on the head there.” I replied.

“Whatever, just get it done.” She said with a dismissive tone.

“So let me get this straight, you need me to tell some nerds at MIT to create a digital currency so that the whole world is using the same money?” I asked.

“That’s right, sweetie.” She nodded.

“Why?” I asked.

“Don’t worry about the why Georgie, just worry about where I’m going to put you while I sit in that chair should you disobey me.” As she spoke her voice deepened and by the word disobey – I was staring at my own reflection. George. W Bush Jr in a bright red dress wearing lipstick staring sternly at me as I gaped in astonishment.

“For fucks sake George how are you still hard?” I asked myself.

“I’m sorry my therapist says I have some narcissistic tendencies.” I replied to myself.

“You don’t fucking say.” Said me.

Suddenly the hot blonde was back.

“Get it done George, and for fucks sake make love to your wife.”

“Yes sir, I mean yes ma'am.” I responded nervously and she turned on her heel and left.

Moments later my receptionist called through “That was quick sir, is everything ok?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine, thanks. She just had some strong opinions she thought she’d share.” I replied.

“I’m so sorry sir, that won’t happen again – is there anything I can do to make up for it?” She asked coyly.

I thought for a small while about it before remembering the alien's threats.

“No, no that’s fine thank you.” I replied.

“Hey can you please get me Rohan Abeyaratne from MIT on the line, I’ve got something for him.” I added.

Definitely one of my weirder days as president but to be honest, probably not the weirdest.

fantasy
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