Crabby and Proud

Astrology is right up there with tarot cards and psychics- either you believe in it or you don’t. With all the beautifully insane things that happen in our world, I find it difficult to believe that life is simply black and white, right and wrong are always definitive, and magic is only for fairytales. Hi, I’m a Cancer and I’m crabby and proud.

Cancers are often depicted as overly sensitive and bordering on a full-on, chaotic emotional meltdown. That's somewhat true here. I'm empathetic, sympathetic, but far from pathetic. There's a life hack you need to master if you're going to convince the world you're a stable Cancer and not one coffee spill away from sobbing into your empty cup. Embrace the crab. Much like the Cancer's symbol of the crab, you need to create a hardened outer shell to protect your squishy insides. That's not to say we become impervious to feelings but rather, we present a tough exterior to help absorb harsh criticisms and general unpleasantness... at least until we're alone and can ugly cry in peace.

If you’ve ever had the pleasure of being pinched by any crab you know they’re not to be trifled with. It should come as no surprise then that Cancers can be a little, well, crabby. While I think most women are and should be offended when their expressive reaction is met with the old, “is it that time of the month?” question, we’re known to take our responses to a new level. For example, throwing a rubber dinosaur phone holder at the questioner, only to miss and break a picture frame.

We have unintentionally taken on the traits of different types of crabs. You may have a encountered a small arthropod on a marshy flat with one massive claw. That’s the male Fiddler crab and these little guys like to travel together. Cancer’s need people. While our moodiness can intentionally and inadvertently drive folks away, we crave companionship as much as we crave solitude. Confusing, I know, but have you ever seen a crab move? They walk sideways. Talk about complicated. These crabs always remind me of a night out with the girls. We overindulge to numb the existential dread as most older millennials do, but when the time comes to head on home, my squishy insides go into full nurture mode for these gals. My girls are fed, hydrated, and safely crab walked to their destinations before I’m ready to call it a night.

Then we have the hermit crab, the small five-dollar pet you’d buy on vacation only to find out it was really just a shell. But in the wild they’re able to shed their shells and find one more suitable to their needs. The hermit crab will examine and scrutinize their potential armor until it is absolutely sure it will keep it from harm. A Cancer trying to find a partner is the same way. We poke around and inspect our prospects with great attention to detail and only when we’re satisfied that they’ll be able to keep us safe do we establish a relationship. It took my poor man eight months of genuine courting before I smacked a label on our bond (and I still threw a rubber dinosaur at him). The hermit crab is also able to withdraw into its shell when it senses danger. A Cancer can see through the forgeries and games of the dating world and is having none of it. If you lie, we’ll fly.

While I may scuttle through life with more emotional wounds than other signs, I also feel pleasure and excitement to such extremes, it makes the tweaks of the heart worth every damn pinch.