The dust settled after the aftermath of having given Buck a more improved version of the pin particles, not improved because there was something wrong with it, but improved because if she used this version on Buck it means that the seals he would be containing would immediately begin to wear down and deteriate. And that's not something she wanted, she didn't want to give him anything like demon blood or essence or whatever Buck would suggest in order to ensure he was strong enough to hold the runes and seals.
So, thus an improved version for Buck was created, so that he wouldn't have to sacrifice anything right away. So that he wouldn't have to worry about becoming a monster, it wouldn't happen until the runes and seals begin to bleed and merge into his psyche and his physical stature, as it is he doesn't have the strain of having to imprison someone as powerful as their boss was either. So that's something she's grateful for- but eventually if it comes down to it, he would have to imprison her if she is too uncontrollable and unstable once the transformation is done.
That's why she created the modified version of pin particles for Buck, even though she had it for a while and when she would be going to Buck to ensure that he would be healed up after any major conflicts and his medical advances couldn't handle it- she would take samples and cross examine in order to keep the pin particles modified for him up to date.
She would change its formula as she saw fit to ensure that it was specifically tailored to him, she can't see anyone else using such a thing. And no- she did not make this modified version because Buck wouldn't leave her the fuck alone when it came to her original project, she couldn't care bout that. Even when Buck would sometimes bring up the old argument on that, she wouldn't tell him about it. She would always shoot it down, tell him no on absolutely no terms would he be getting the original project.
She felt her lips curling up, and she did mean it- he will not be getting the original project, he doesn't have to know that she would be giving him the modified version though. That's her little secret, because he would object to using it to imprison her, she knows that she would be keeping it to herself until she completes her transformation.
She's sure that if she loses any sense at all, she would ensure that she gives Buck the particles and tell him to use it- to contain her. To make sure she doesn't become a danger to the world, to anyone. Especially not to Buck or their places on the field. She knows that should she be contained, it would still be able to go on without her- he would still be able to go without her....
No she isn't scared of the fact that if he seals her he would still be able to call up her form and be in command of her and basically use her as a soldier for him. What scares her, is if he gives her back her conscious and commands her to hand over all the research she has ever compiled over to him... she wouldn't be able to tell him no, she would have to do so- she just hopes she can put up enough of a resistance to ensure the research and data she would be giving to him would be locked up, maybe trick him into letting him think she will be giving him access into her system.
But there are measures and protocols in place when that happens, she would hand over the research, along with a timed program that will completely corrupt and destroy the whole system. Taking all the data and research with it, the only way he would be able to get it then would be if he commands her to physically write it out for him.
And she knows that if she does that, she might be able to make sure it would be in a language that he would never be able to understand- and should the language be deciphered, they would have to decipher the coding that it would be in. because if the coding saint deciphered, than they would essentially use the same program that would corrupt and wipe the whole system.
Her eyes hardened when she saw Buck in the containment cell, the energy being given off no longer tampering with the equipment and setting off the mechanisms that would go in there and restrain him- with a view of him now she saw that the runes contained in the discs were keeping him tied down to one spot, shadows pulling him partially into their containments- she knows it would be freezing and the pain would paralyze you. That's why she set up those discs to use those should the mechanisms not be enough.
Her eyes going to the walls, at the bottom on the floor were crumpled forms of her bioweapons and sentinels. Completely destroyed and the bioweapons beginning to dissolve as their tissues broke down. Their decay would release a component that would knock Buck out and keep him unconscious the longer he would be in there- already she can see his form slumping back, slack and his eyes unseeing.
His still fighting it, his still awake. "Mmm. I underestimated how much stronger you would already be with just a few of the runes being etched into your skin manually." His eyes dilated and seemed to struggle to focus, shaking and unfocused they finally closed. Giving in to the need to sleep due to the bioweapons bodies still being in there.
"It's a shame you didn't think to absorb them, otherwise I would have been able to see how much you've changed first hand." She stopped the programs for the discs, Bucks body being released from the shadows as he began to be lifted out of them to be placed onto the floor- curled up in the middle of the room.
Once he was away from the shafts that were near the far wall, she engaged the pressure lock, a field going around Buck to keep him safe in that area, while around him- the floor dropped away and the lock engaged. The remnants of the sentinels and bioweapons being wiped from the area and disposed of immediately as their remains were destroyed on the spot as a blue beam shot up from the shaft.
Staring at Buck, she looked away- knowing how painful it is when he first has them. "You're... going to be just as tainted as I am." She whispered, her hand going up to the glass as she felt a sharp pain make its way through her heart. She honestly didn't want to do this to Buck, she didn't want to do this to anyone at all. Not her enemies, not her friends. And definitely not the last remaining tie to her past.
She turned away from the glass that was showing her a look into the containment cell. She strolled to the door, legs heavy and dragging behind her- her dread and despair actually having an effect on her and how she carries herself. Her runes making it harder to contain the emotion as it gave of waves of putrid energy to indicate the walking danger going down the halls. The only things that would be sent into a panic would be some bioweapons and the sentinels.
Bioweapons because sometimes waves going off like this meant growing concern for imminent danger. Something that they should be getting ready for since it would be something that would be influential enough to affect their creator, most times it meant battles ahead that not all of them will be surviving through. And that's right, except the thing this time meant that Buck will also be fighting in her forces. His own forces acting as a more independent unit separate from her own, her units are always separate from everyone else's if she is working with someone else.
Not only because she doesn't like to work with people, but because her bioweapons would have to make sure they contain their attributes around other friendly parties. Ensuring they don't accidently kill someone they shouldn't, there will also be the manner that she will be fighting also- and sometimes when that happens. She kills her own bioweapons by accident, it's an inconvenience.
But it's also something that her forces are able to work around, they are able to work with her enough to understand which rune is being used and when they should duck. Other units however wouldn't be able to understand such ques- and she can't afford to accidently kill off anyone from the other units, their company knows that they would be essential in the battle.
Making her way to the doors, she started the process of having it opened up and the safety measures in place to ensure that once Buck is conscious that it will be monitoring him within the span of the first 10 mins to ensure that he is fully conscious and is not at threat of becoming a hostile force.
Once the door was opened, and drones flying over her shoulders- serving as the items used to consistently scan and monitor Buck, she can see that he was already waking up. His fingers twitched and he curled up a little more, the pain having hit him again and she was sure that his head was spinning and nausea was making him lay still. A gnawing tearing through his insides and leaving him cold. It's not a gnawing that can be seen to medically, it's not effecting his internal organs or physical body- its effecting his entire being as the seals and runes begin to settle on his very soul and begin to rework his structure and rewrite what makes him... well, human.
She walked forward, as quietly as she can and her ears perked up over her shoulder to ensure that the drones are not making any noise. It's a mercy for Buck, because she can sympathize with his pain right now, and she wants to minimize that as much as possible. Make his transition a little smoother. Once he begins the recovery state however- she has to ensure that he understands exactly what is to happen and what will become of him in the future.
Once she was in front of Buck, she saw his eyes were opened- unseeing and dull. No life in them at the moment, he was currently a breathing doll. His conscious no longer there, his psychological mind must have pulled him away from his body in order to escape this state. To escape this pain and the struggles of understanding what is happening to him. Biting her lips, he wasn't there.
He wasn't there....
She shivered, it was too much for Buck. But she knows that he will be back soon- until then since she doesn't have to handle him with care. She leaned down and gripped his arm hard, heaving him up in order to through his arms across her shoulders and she began walking towards the other side of the room to the doors that would lead to another containment cell- this cell will be where he will be staying within close quarters with her for observations and for her to explain things to him.
He needs to be rehabilitated in a sense, considering how there are a lot of things he is yet unaware of. "I hope with time, you forgive me." She knows they would have plenty of it, after the mass bioweapons and battles have been dealt with, she wouldn't be surprised if he turns on her and tries to kill her or imprison her for turning him into a monster. For making him exactly like her.
Having had to drag him along, she was only slightly... just slightly irritated by the time she got to his bed, the room he was situated in was all white- there were no personal effects or nothing other than the bed in the room. It was a purely clinical setting used to house Buck while he rests. This room he won't be using much, so he shouldn't be bitching too much about how bare and boring it is.
Once she was over the white bed, she took Bucks arm off her shoulder, and promptly dropped him onto the bed- crouching down in front of him to stare at his eyes again. They are still vacant "Buck, you better not spend long in there. I don't have time to wait for your ass, we've got work to do and I have to rehabilitate you in order to get back to the units and give our orders. I understand that it's going to take time doing the planning and gathering Intel, but this will also take time. Time that only you are in control of- however long it takes, it will be because of you. If you make a quick recovery, you can break down about it later." She saw a little flash of green, like his eyes were reflecting the sterile and static lights above.
She watched his eyes, searching his gaze. Still nothing, she looked away- guilt clouding her eyes and pain racking her form as she shook her head. Licking her lips and whispering "Please come back...." she got up, and was going to turn to leave.
But a hand gripping her sleeve made her stop, she turned her head. Staring at his still vacant eyes, her gaze softened and she was going to gently unwrap his hand from her sleeve. "Please Stay." She froze, letting him tug her back to the bedside where she collapsed onto the floor.
Her back to the bed and to Bucks form, she can practically feel the pain coming off him in waves, like heat radiating off him- except felt on a different level. And it was all her fault, she did this to him.
She closed her eyes, and leaned her head against the mattress. The sound of Bucks breathing comforting her slightly, he is still alive. He survived it- that's all that matters right now. She just needs to make sure he continues to survive until he acquires his first rune, until he does so....
"You better not die on me Buckeroo" she muttered before drifting off to sleep.
She doesn't know how long she was asleep for, nor did she necessarily care. Her sleep addled mind nagged at her- and she can feel something pressing trying to pull her back to consciousness, but she wanted to rest. She was so tired, so weary.
Finally, a hand shaking her shoulder puller her through the fog that settled on her mind and numbed her thoughts. She opened her eyes and squinted them, the light of the room seeming to bright for her. She saw Bucks face hovering close to hers, a sheen glistening along his pale skin- sweat dripping down and soaking the sweat shirt he was currently using, fever making his eyes bright and nausea twitching his face into a grimace.
She jerked up "Oh! You're awake!" she squeaked out, probably too loudly because Buck swayed once his pounding head registered the noise, she bit her lips. Almost wanting to say sorry- but if he can avoid noise wracking his overly sensitive eardrums at the moment than he should. She leaned forward, and wordlessly grabbed his arm and pulled it over her shoulder.
She needs to get him cleaned up before slipping him into a sensory deprivation pod to isolate him for the next hour- after the hour is up she will be taking him out and examining him to see how he was doing with the transition. She needed to make sure he was getting better- if he isn't than she would have to... inject him....
She doesn't want to have to inject him though, he doesn't need her tainted blood in his veins changing the very structure of his DNA. She desperately wanted him to get better on his own- and he did. Slowly, but throughout the course of a week- they settled into a routine.
Buck would be carried off from his room in the morning to the pods than he would be taken out for examinations and bloodwork, 10 vials of blood being sent out to ensure that the transition is going smoothly. After bloodwork, she would finish off the examination by checking his vitals to ensure the loss of blood didn't tamper with his state, once satisfied she would equip him with dampening field devices. Something used to dull his senses more.
With his senses no longer crippling him, she would have him work through routines to ensure his body didn't give out on him and to monitor how well his muscles and limbs move, cataloging the extra changes that is being done and noting the improvements to his physical stature and putting down key elements that would need to be further worked on the next day.
The first day, Buck passed out halfway through to the routine- from there Samantha had to carry him back to his bed. The next morning, it started up again. Only this time, at the start of the routine Buck couldn't handle the cognitive disorientation that he was plagued with and Samantha didn't get any warning to Buck heaving on a padded matt. She grimaced and ran to the wall to grab a bucket, putting it in place and holding Buck up when his arms gave out beneath him. After he was done vomiting, Samantha went to get him cleaned up and sent him off to bed- while he slept she cleaned up the mess and replaced the padded matts than went to check up on the lab work.
After the week was up, his physical transition and recovery eased out and he was in control enough for her to start off the training and explanations, she had to learn how to use her runes and seals herself. Through error and muscle memory- sometimes flukes she learned the use of hers. And she intends to teach Buck the use of his, so the next week the morning started off with his routine than get him cleaned off and while he ate she would give him lessons and ensure he understood them. Drilling it into him to ensure he would never forget.
A couple times she would have to repeat lessons the next day to make sure that it stuck to him, some of these are essential- especially when he starts to use his seals, she needs to make sure he understands that using them has limits to his body and that the drawbacks is something that shouldn't be scoffed at so early on when anything too major putting a dent into the runes and seals can send him into having to deal with the physical transition again as his body is forced to change faster than it should. If the drawback this early on takes too much out of him, that would mean that if he has to go through this again- he might not recover, and she would have to watch him steadily get worse....
She was so stressed making sure Buck was rehabilitated and understood what he now has....
Then. Came the talk.
She sat them down in a meeting room, looking off to the side and feeling her lips quiver as Buck crossed his arms- watching her from across the table. "What is it Mouse, what's Bad that you have to stuff me in here to tell me?" he said in a gruff and husky voice, the tone carrying a darker undertone- she knows that if she looks up, she would see his eyes glinting as they seem to reflect light.
He turned his head, and looked at the camera settled on them and scoffed when he glared at the too long shadows in the room- seeming to quiver and move minutely, as if restless and restraint to one spot. He was going to snap at her to go on with it already but she whispered "I'm sorry....."
His attention was back to Samantha again as she stared down at the table blankly. After her whisper she began to talk, as if mechanically "Buck, there's the little issue that I haven't told you before. Those runes and seals are going to be changing you and rewriting your physical makeup- along with your entire being. You will no longer cease to be human eventually, the transition will be slow- but whatever you hold in your runes and seals. Whatever you choose to imprison, will bleed into your being and taint your blood. Changing it and the transformation will be slow- it can be put off by adding more to the runes and seals, ensure that you stay human longer."
She didn't look up from the table at all "wince you will be adding soo much to the runes and seals, you won't be only one thing. You won't be one species, you're going to be something new. A sort of chimera." She finally looked up at him "your humanity is going to be stripped from you, and you will never be able to get it back once the transformation is complete." She stared into his eyes, they were glinting again "you're emotions, your compassion, your way of thinking, your ideals, your morals. They are all going to be taken away- changed and tainted by what you are becoming, and the only way to keep yourself this way longer is by adding more to the runes, adding an extra layer to protect what's left of your dwindling humanity. And every once in a while, you have to completely break down all your runes in order to have them reset, to have your shield protecting your humanity reset and repaired. The energy and resources replenished- but at a cost of losing a little bit more of yourself. Each time you use your runes and shields, make your shield weaker and you get closer to having to reset them."
She took a deep breath "the more you add, the stronger and thicker the shield is. The less you have to worry about having to break and wear down all your runes and seals all at once." She didn't stop staring, even as his eyes shifted and horror slowly crept into them "it.... It can be reversed again though right? We can stay human? We don't have to worry about becoming just another fucking bioweapon?" she slowly shook her head "it cannot be reversed. Nor are we becoming bioweapons, we are becoming something else...." He shook his head "no, those are lies. It can be reversed, we can take it all away."
She smiled sadly "I'm sorry Buck, but we can't. Once it's been done, it cannot be undone. There's no going back from here, and to have your runes and seals stripped- to have them all taken away from you." Pain flickered through her eyes, pain not for herself. But for Buck. "It will kill you."
He slammed his hand down on the table, shadows shooting out and gripping his forearm to hold him in place as he strained against it- leaning over the table and closer to Samantha as he snarled out "LIKE HELL! NO SUCH THING WILL HAPPEN! YOU'VE TURNED ME INTO A MONSTER SAMANTHA!" she mutely shook her head "CHANGE ME BACK!" she shook her head again, the shadows now slamming him back and restraining him to the chair.
"It's the price you pay, it's a steep price. To lose all that you are for this. For me- I'm losing everything that I've ever held dear, the only thing I've wanted to keep. Because I'm a vessel to hold him. Because I'm his prison- should I die, he will be released. Even after all this time, he is still alike. Whereas other would have perished within the first few years, his essence is just too strong- and he can withstand it. For me, I will be unraveling his being, and it will be stitched onto mine with Simon's essence. With everything in these runes and seals, it will be used to merge it into my being. The same will happen to you"
He grit his teeth "this is why you never wanted me to have it, not because it would have killed you- but because it will change me. Because I will lose my humanity, just as you are. My whole being, everything that I am- it will be gone, just like you." She nodded "you didn't have to absorb the essence of a higher demon, and cage a primal force- so your change will not be as drastic as mine was."
He relaxed, and the shadows began to withdraw "I'm still becoming a monster, just like you. You should have told me about this before Samantha, I would have never allowed you to do such a heinous thing to me should I have known." He turned and walked out of the room, leaving her staring at an empty chair.
"I hope with time, you'll forgive me Buck...." She crumpled in the chair, slumped over and clutching her head, her hair tangling along her fingers as she began to sob, she didn't want this. It's too late now, too late to turn back.
For her, and for Buck.