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What’s Behind Your Fantasy About Being Paid For Sex?

It's one of the most common role-play scenarios ... and we love it.

By Chai SteevesPublished 2 years ago 5 min read
What’s Behind Your Fantasy About Being Paid For Sex?
Photo by Marvin Meyer on Unsplash

The ‘sex for money’ fantasy came completely out of the blue for me. My wife and I and our closest friends were on vacation at a five star resort in the Caribbean. As my girlfriend and I started to make out, she whispered “we really shouldn’t do this — but I don’t have enough money for rent”. She started to undress, telling me that she knew she shouldn’t be taking off her clothes for me but she thought that if she did I might help her out. She asked if I would help her pay her rent that month if she did things she would never consider doing otherwise. She knew it was bad, but she really, really needed the money.

The scenario rolled on from there. She said she would give me a blow job for $100, and if I didn’t want to wear a condom it would be an extra 50. She said it broke all of her rules but she was so desperate. And on it went. I think we ended up at somewhere around $500 and condomless sex with a little ass play thrown in for a tip at the end.

To be clear — no one really needed money. No one was short on their rent. And no cash was exchanged. But we both got supercharged by the idea that she was desperate and willing to bend her rules and morality in exchange for money that she so desperately needed. We’ve played that scenario out in different formats many times since then, and it always gets both of us so turned on.

The most elaborate — for my birthday this year, I was driven to a hotel room by my best friend. When we arrived, he simply said that my order had been filled and I should go up to room 301. When I went in my wife and girlfriend (his wife) were waiting in lingerie and there was an envelope sitting in front of them. In the envelope were $1,000 in play money and a list of services that could be acquired from the two working escorts I had requested. Mayhem ensured.

We’ve spoken many times about why we all find these scenarios so sexy. For them — the women — it seems the answer is twofold. The first was the most obvious to me. They said that for women, being sexual is a little taboo. And they are both very sexual and said they’ve probably always felt a little deep-seated guilt or shame about how sexual they are. Being in a fantasy where they are forced or coerced to be sexual — really gives them permission to let loose.

The other reason they gave had more to do with the element of desperation and coercion. We all have really easy lives now — we live in nice places, have plenty of money, and have stable and supportive partners and families. Life is pretty sweet. But for my girlfriend and me, in particular, it wasn't always like that. We both grew up relatively poor and had times in our lives — as young adults — where we were quite broke. I would never want to go back to those days, but there is something I do miss about knowing that every dollar you had and every dollar you spent, was consequential. In the desperation of those times, you felt very alive. I remember getting a $50 bonus from my boss once and feeling like I had won the lotto. So, imagining yourself needing to do whatever it takes so you don’t get kicked out of your apartment — can be pretty exhilarating. It’s probably no coincidence that these sorts of scenarios appeal most to my girlfriend and me. My wife and her husband play along, but it’s not as much their thing, and they both grew up pretty wealthy.

Another thing I’ve noticed and found interesting is that the fantasy only works in one direction. When I have financial control over her, it’s very sexy. We once reversed it, pretending I was financially desperate — it didn't really work. I suspect that has something to do with traditional male and female roles. A girl being a little desperate is considered kind of hot. A guy being desperate is just sad. I’m not saying this is fair — but it does seem to be the case.

I suppose you can only dissect the reasoning behind your sexual fantasies so far. We are turned on by what we are turned on by. I initially felt a little guilty about this one. After we both got so turned on by her being reluctantly willing to do anything in order to get enough money to pay her rent, I did wonder if that was a little wrong. We talked about it afterward and decided that we both really liked it — loved it in fact. So, it seemed ok. I asked her “what if I had asked you to do something we’d never done before, or something that I knew really pushed your boundaries?” She said, “maybe that’s part of why I like it”. This was intriguing. We’ve been together for a long time and we trust each other implicitly. I’m sure she knows I would never ask her to do anything that would really be out of bounds for her. But it is an interesting way to explore new things?


About the Creator

Chai Steeves

I'm an eclectic guy - I like writing about sex, relationships, parenting, politics, celebrity trivia - the works. I'm happily married and a father of 2.

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