The object of my affection

I have Calvin, Lloyd and Brad....

Calvin is her father. Lloyd is the one I'm deeply in love with, while Brad is in love with me. I don't know and I just don't understand what happen for them to be apart of my life. Every day I wish they would all just leave my life in a matter of seconds. I feel that I need Calvin for the support as a real father. I need Lloyd because if he was to leave I would never find love again and I'll also be a cold-heartless motherfucker in this world. And as for Brad well, he holds me level. He makes me realize that I'm alive through the hurt and pain I've been through. Every night I fight myself to sleep thinking that I need all three of them, then I scream to myself "Fuck them bitches" and swallow that I'm not a women in the 60's. I'm hurt because Calvin made me this way. I'm bothered because Lloyd doesn't love me this way and at the same time dismayed at the fact that Brad does.

"Can you leave me alone!?!??" I screamed from the top of my lungs. I can feel myself about to explode how mad I am. "This fat motherfucker called me a shone for the last time!!!", "Why you getting so mad if it ain't true Lovette?" Calvin said quickly over me. "Are you mad cause I don't like your greasy fat ass?", "I'm just calling it as I see, Lovette, why you can't just chill with me and see how a real man suppose to treat you?" Calvin implied. "Naw I'm good now can you get off my yard and go along your merry way before I have to smack the shit out of you nigga" I threaten. "That tough shit ain't gon get you no where Lovette I'm serious you gon see how much you hurting yourself" Calvin said as he started approaching his car. "What the hell is wrong with you I don't like you and it's been 3 years of the same shit, don't you see I'm never gonna like you?" I questioned Calvin and as I was about to walk towards my mail box I could hear him about to say the 5 letter word that was going to take my ass to jail. "S H O N E !!, you a shone ass hoe I swear!" Calvin shouted as he tried to pull out my drive way, but to his knowledge his back seat window was shattered by a 4x5 piece of wood that I threw just seconds after his tires were screeching against the pavement.

He stopped mid way down the street and started reversing back toward my apartment. I hauled ass in my apartment, locked the door and went upstairs. While upstairs I could see the asshole tryna kick my windows out my car with his foot but couldn't. "What type of real man are you?" I said to myself. After 2 mins of contemplating on what to do next Calvin knocked softly on my door and from upstairs I can hear him ask, "Lovette, what I'm suppose to do about this. This ain't even my car" I laughed because he has been riding up and down my block for a week now since we seen each other at that Drake concert and his behind followed me. And to the fact that he lied telling me oh "just got my new 2013 Nissan Altima, and yea she was a pretty penny cause you know them niggas you use to messing with don't buy cars off the lot" and it ain't even his. "This fool here I tell ya" I said walking down stairs. As I opened the door Calvin looked at me like a sad little puppy asking what he should do again.

I agreed to paying for the damages but he had to not come by my apartment ever again. About 2 hours later the unknown person car Calvin was driving in was back to normal and I did feel bad about the situation but hey what goes around comes around. The drive back to my apartment was quiet and I hope Calvin got it to stop taking me as a joke and to leave me alone.

"Just drop me off right here" I told Calvin. "Why you live way back there" Calvin said while slowing down the car. "Didn't we just agree to not go by my house ever again?" I asked while jumping out the car. "You are soo difficult I swear Lovette ok cool have it your way." Calvin said with an attitude. "Well I hope you get that back seat window tinted!" Yelling towards him as he pulled off down the street.

"Something is seriously wrong with that girl" I said under my breath. Lovette was a beautiful 5'3, honey brown eyed, red thick chick I meet 3 years back at my joint I own called "The House". Where she would come in every morning to get her whipped Carmel Mocha latte. You could hear her a mile away on her cellular cussing somebody out real fast. Lovette didn't play no games which attracted me to her and since then I never stopped either. I remember bumping into her while leaving the court house and all her files fell and she didn't cuss me out like I expected, she just asked me to help her and I did. Lovette was wearing a nice purple suit that fitted her to every curve of her frame. From that moment I knew why she was always loud and angry. I knew she had to be a lawyer. "You know if I didn't just win this case I would've cuss your behind out?" Lovette told me. "Well you must be having you a good day" I implied. "Yeah I am, you can say" Lovette said. "You must've had 2 whipped Carmel Mocha Lattes huh?" I asked. Lovette looked confused and finally asked "How did you know I drink those specific lattes?" "Well I own "The House" you go to every morning except Sunday's" I interjected. "oh ok well no you would know I would never get more than one a day". She said with a little smile on her face.

I would ask Lovette to go on numerous of dates with me and she'll always decline. I'll buy her things and try to give it to her every time she'll come to "The House", but she'll decline as well until one day she didn't come to The House one morning and she came when I was shutting down the shop and asked me "would you like to go with me on one of them dates you were offering me earlier last week?" "Sure, I'll love to I didn't have this planned but where would you like to go?" I was excited as hell and finally thought I broke that Great Wall of China guard she had up against me. "Just to let you know I felt real bad about declining your dates, and I didn't want to seem like an asshole" she said. "It's cool I know you're busy woman" I said as we hoped in my ride. "What you in the mood for tonight?" I asked her. "Honestly some JB rolls!" She said with joy in her voice. I didn't know what the hell those were so I played it cool and said "I know just the joint, but first let me stop by the ATM real quick". I went inside Walgreen and asked Siri where's the best JB rolls in the city, started my GPS and pulled some cash from the ATM and jetted toward the place call Siam Rice.

After about 3 hour talking and eating about 30 JB rolls she pulled her wallet out and tried to give the waiter her card. I stopped her and said "Its on me, you're my date" and she said "But I asked for the date unexpectedly". "It doesn't matter I got it boo" she smiled and then put her card up. As we walked to the car we saw an elderly man getting off a bus and helping his elderly wife do the same. "I wanna be like that" she said. "What old and wrinkly with no car?" I joked. She hit me with her little wallet-purse and said "No boy a couple and with a significant other still at the age". "Why you think otherwise?" I asked. "Because I can't fully trust men and I can't be held down like a slave" she said angrily. "I thought it was the 2000's not the 1800's" I joked again. "You think you so funny huh?" She asked me. "I mean as long as your smiling and not cussing me or any innocent bystander I'm cool with it".

And from there we remind cool neutral friends, and every time I tried to be anything more she always steered me back in my lane. Until about a year ago, one of my girls thought something more of our friendship and all hell broke loose.

"Omg!! Where's my towel it's freezing" I said as I made a dash from the bathroom to my bedroom for my towel, I kept thinking about the incident with Calvin just earlier. "Maybe I took things too far this time" I thought to myself. Just as I was about to wrap my hair my phone rung and I knew it could've been only one person, Lloyd.

"Hello?" I said with a snare. "What's good?" Lloyd asked. "Nothing, same ole same ole" "oh ok that's what's up, oh well I was just checking up on you seeing how you doing and shit" Lloyd replied. "ok thanks" I said quickly. "But I mean what you doing today?" Lloyd asked. I hesitated to answer and thought to myself he tryna fuck, but I mean I do want some company so let me stop being petty, and answered his question with "shit imma be here all day wanna slide". Lloyd quickly responded saying "yeah imma be there in like an hour, you cooked?". I laughed and told him "boy no and I ain't about to cook for you either" I said. "Yes you is stop playing with me, but you got some weed?" he asked. "Nope!" I said. "Go get some and be ready for Big Daddy" he said. "Boy I guess" and we hung up.

I began cleaning up for "Big Daddy" and suddenly my house phone rang and I thought to myself who could that be and began running down stairs to catch it. "Hello!" "Why you not answering your phone?" I sucked my teeth and said "Girl wassup I was on the phone with Lloyd" "What his butt wanted" Thomica asked. "Girl a booty call and I'm accepting it today" I said. "Oh girl I guess you need to stop because he obviously don't love you" she replied. "Girl I know trust me I just don't have anyone to scratch that inch with" I said.

Thomica is my down ass rida, we meet at a local fair when she took her nephews and I took my nieces and I remember one of the rides we were about to to get on stop us in the middle of the pawn due to the incoming weather. We made jokes and the kids literally loved each other's company and you could tell for that hour we were stuck we never wanted to walk away as strangers. We have always been there for each other since then. When Thomica sisters had baby daddy drama she'll call me, when one of my clients got to crazy and tried to threaten my life I call Thomica. 3 years strong and not one arguement we've been great friends. "Ok Lovette go finish cleaning up for Mr. Lloyd" she said. "Yeah girl let me go, talk to you later chile" I said and pressed the end button.

I realized I was on the phone for about 30 minutes and hadn't finish cleaning nor did I even start cooking. Lloyd and I went to the same college and for awhile I honestly didn't like him. To me he was a jerk and too cocky to everyone and everything he did. Lloyd finally gave up tryna get me and I started to miss the affection and attention, but then realized his ex was back in his life so I didn't sweat it, until one day we planned for a study date at his house, which I should've knew wasn't a great plan. Lloyd and I studied for about 20 minutes and began studying ourselves deep within. It was soo crazy how things happened and I felt bad because I seen her things in the apartment which made me want him even more. I seen pictures of them both together with her family and his. But Honey when I tell you the chemistry was there and for a couple moments I felt like this man was mine. "Wait, wait, wait I don't think we should be doing this what if wifey comes walking in the door?" I said panting while he began kissing down my neck trying to pull my bra loose. "She's out of town I dropped her off to the airport about an hour ago" he said. I thought to myself I was wrong in so many ways, but the atmosphere at that moment was soo sweet. He took his time with me and I didn't say not a word. You could've tell he wanted to be gentle in the beginning, but once we were both naked against the moon light he began taking me to his world. He slow kissed me but with a little pressure, he taught me how to do things his way, the way he liked it and I still didn't say anything, because I loved every minute of it. He guided me with patience and probably thought I was a rookie. He wanted me to make eye contact with him which I wasn't at all use to doing. Lloyd guided my hand to my own pussy and I had the orgasm of the year. everything we did felt soo pure. My favorite had to be when he'll have me pinned up in the corner of his bed on top of me. I still catch myself blushing so hard. Boy did that drive me insane. I usually would off rip ask for head but I never had to because he made sure my pussy stayed wet for him. We hunched for about 2 hours straight I was drained and my legs were shaking and I was soo very embarrassed how he put my ass to shame.

When I heard the door bell it woke me up and realized I had gotten wet just thinking about our first time. I opened the door for Lloyd and told him to start rolling up while I jumped in the shower. "I made shrimp fried rice, you can help yourself!" I shouted to Lloyd. 10 mins later Lloyd comes barging in the bathroom asking me "Why you ain't make me a plate?" "Lloyd don't play you ain't my man go get your own plate" I said while wrapping myself walking toward my beats audio speaker playing my favorite playlist when Lloyd was here. We smoked and he began taking he's pants off and I leaned in and started sucking his dick. I could tell that Lloyd did things he always wanted to do with a female only to me when we were having sex due to how excited he would get when I did everything with him. Lloyd still had the joint lit and drew his last pull before putting the joint down and fucking my mind loose. When we fucked high, we for one fuck for an extra hour, and also I constantly ask myself why can't he just be my man already. And while he fucked my little ass to sleep I ask myself what am I doing wrong where he still hasn't broken up with his girlfriend.

"Damn this pussy feel good!" I said trying to control myself from bussing. Lovette was throwing her ass back and the view of her watching me as I watched her was too much for me to bare and I released all on her ass. "Lovette that was good" I said with the biggest smile on my face. I grab something to wipe her off and she started giving me that look of disgust. She hated when I nut on her like that but she doesn't understand for one, never will I buss in her and two, her pussy is just too good to control myself. "I could spend the night?" I asked. Lovette looked at me like she was about to snap like the usual, but didn't and asked what time I was leaving in the a.m. I went down stair to grab a plate of food and Lovette came down afterwards and ask me the question of the year. "What are we?" "You my baby just chill" "Lloyd stop playing cuz you fucking me like this and this ain't even a everyday thing so I know you still hunching your chick the same way" Lovette said. This had to be one of the reasons I couldn't commit to Lovette she always nagged me about what we were to each other when it was plain and simple. I just don't know why I couldn't just tell her. Maybe I wanted my cake and eat it to or I didn't wanna lose her pussy. I even asked myself did I love Lovette and I honestly do and wish nothing but the best for her, but just couldn't have a grip of the fact that she would ever stop fucking with me.

"Mika call me back when you get this, its Calvin." "You good Bruh?" My homeboy Lance asked. "Naw Bruh this girl bet not ever figure out what happen to her car" I told my homeboy Lance. "Forreal I hope not but was that back window tinted?" He asked. I looked at the car again and it clicked what Lovette was saying. "Oh thanks Bruh back that up" I replied and headed towards Mika's house. Mika is my girlfriend. For some reason I just felt like I was never complete with Mika like I was always missing something when I was around her, and also it felt like I was never myself. Don't get me wrong Mika was perfect, she has a Master degree graduated from FIU, she was smart as hell but she didn't know how to live. Everything was scheduled. Everything she did was already on her calendar a week in advance. She never cared if I was safe. Never checked my phone. Never made dinner. Honestly all she did was work and come home to drink red wine and watch soaps. It was good at first because she was a chick that niggas would love to have no drama just fucking. But even the fucking was boring. She did everything regular nothing extreme. NEVER! Even on her birthday. I bought her some nice lingerie from out of Macy's, and I mean some nice sexy shit and you would think she'll be at least 15% kinky or nasty. NO she wasn't not even 1%. She came home and went to the kitchen for a glass of wine as usual and when she went to sit down she spotted the little red bag on the couch, looked inside and was excited about her gift, and shocked me with "this isn't for tonight right honey?" she said. My balls instantly shriveled up with disbelief. So I replied "Naw baby whenever you ready I'm ready" and that was it for the night.

Don't get me wrong Mika loved me because her family loved me. I was the first boyfriend her father adore and he even told me he couldn't wait to walk he's princess down the aisles for me. So that was another thing that had me hooked on Mika. She also invested a lot in me even with my criminal past. Her father helped get the best lawyer in town to beat my cases. So how could I just up and leave her like that? Even though the love isn't there I told myself maybe I could learn to love her.

When I got to Mika's house she wasn't there. I went downtown towards her office and I spotted her just getting out of a taxi. She didn't have on the same outfit as this morning, so I began to get curious. As she walked down the street she went in to this hotel building I swerved to a valet parking across the street. I felt as if I was finally going to catch her in the act of something dirty so I called her to see if she'll lie, "hey babe where are you I was at you house and you weren't home?" I said. "Oh yea I'm downtown meeting with a client, shouldn't be long" she replied. "Do you want me to come get you afterwards?" I asked. "No! No! I'm fine I'll take the taxi back." she said quickly. "Alright so how long you think you gon be?" "Well i really dont know but im walking in now so i gots to go babe". And Mika hung up. As Calvin walked in to the lobby of the hotel he was about 100 feet form Mika and could see clear as day of her giving another dude a tight hug as they walked onto the elevator. "Damn! What im suppose to do now? God i know i deserve this, but damn let me think clear before i start breaking shit down" Calvin yelled out to the sky. Calvin began pasting back and forth then he realized he couldnt do nothing and just swallowed the fact that it really could just be a client meeting.

"Yooo my nigga whats good?" Calvin said to the receiver of his phone.

Everyday I tell myself "Maybe time will open my eyes to see what my heart wants best for me". Rolling over looking at Lloyd at the end of my bed knocked out. Part of me wanted to slap the shit out of him, while the other half wanted to wake him up and ask him if he wanted me to make breakfast. My mind just kept spinning so i just laid my butt back down. "Lovette, I'm about to slide" Lloyd said softly. "Alright see ya later" I said. "Damn no kiss goodbye, and you ain't gon come lock your door?" "Fuck you, you're aggravating, I live in a white neighborhood ain't nobody's locked in this neighborhood" I said after him. "Mannn just come give me a kiss so I could go" Lloyd replied.  We walked downstairs to my front door as I kissed him goodbye. As I closed my door a thought popped up in my head. "I'm about to stop fucking with these niggas for real this time." I said aloud. To be honest I dont know how to be alone. I gave myself a little fast from niggas for two weeks and I almost died of the thought of no attention or dick for another day. 

The next morning I woke up to tons of emails and voicemails, from everybody! Lloyd had my ass worn out from the night before that I forgot I put my phone on do not disturb. When I reached for my phone the first notification I clicked was from a friend back in the day, saying hey in emoji terms. I replied "hey, long time no see" instantly.  He replied "what it do, and yea I know mannn". As I was about to replied I got a phone call from a client. "Hey are we still meeting up today? I really need to know what's going to happen in court on Wednesday." "Hey good afternoon to you as well Jason! How's your day going so far?" I said sarcastically. "Hahaha Im so sorry Mrs. I'm just so stressed about this weeks upcoming court appearance." "I totally understand Jason but, when I say something I mean what I say. Ok sir?" "Yes Ma'am, Ok, see you at 1pm. Same spot?" "Yes Jason same spot." I said as I hung up. 

I then got on my laptop and sent out a few more emails while I listened to a couple voicemails. Got dress for my long day. Before leaving my front door I realized Lloyd had left his wallet. Me being crazy I wanted to go in and get all his business maybe a pic of somebody important, maybe even to see what type of memberships he's part of. IDK but I didn't, I just kept proceeding to exit my house. Driving north on i95 during the mid afternoon, I knew would kind of be a breeze. So I took a short cut to pass Calvin's shop. While pulling up I could see a big sign stating he was having a battle of the sexes after hours. I always thought Calvin had parties just to be friendly and maybe be freaky. By the way I said that to myself while rolling my eyes. I took a pic of the sign and proceeded to my meeting with my client. 

I always wanted to be in Law because I was placed in foster care at 15 and remember being in several court cases with myself and others. I had a great judge and could never forget how compassionate she was towards my case. Which is funny because I heard otherwise with her other cases, and also that was coming from my mother's mouth. The reason I was placed in foster care in the first place, also another statement I said while rolling my eyes. I knew a lot of families that were split apart for little to nothing due to The Department of Children and Family. So with my tuition waiver I was able to attend Law School to obtain my degrees to pursue my career that I loved. Many of my cases were dear to my heart, I would go home drinking wine for hours figuring out how to get these kids back home, or even to be with the correct suitable family member. I knew foster care was the best decision in my case due to all the benefits. I loved how my life turned out. It was rough in the beginning but I knew I had way more obstacles ahead of me to come, so I just had to toughen up and survive those chapters.