The Do's and Don't of Writing a Profile for Ashley Madison for Men
As an experienced adulteress, I'll give you the secrets
Writing a profile for an affair? I’m looking. I can help you as an experienced adulteress. I'm your Ashley Madison fairy godmother, promise. It takes quite a bit to get noticed as a guy.
Let me guess, you’d like hot sex, some romance, clever conversation, warmth, and caring with a sexy lady. Too much to ask for?
YES. It’s a tall order. Believe me.
The odds are not in your favor. Many more men looking than women. It’s the way of adultery. The women who look for fucking out of network are a rare bunch. We’ve got choices. Plenty of choices.
You need to stand out in a good way. What to write?
Let’s start with the don’ts:
This is a long list.
“I’m new here.” No, you aren’t. No one believes you.
“I just want to explore my fantasies.” Yeah, and ignore that I’m a real woman with needs other than yours.
“I’m not here to change my situation.” Oh, this well-worn tune. How many times have I read this?
“Just looking for a good time.” For who exactly?
“Drama-free lady needed.” Please, don’t start with drama.
“NSA or No strings attached.” So, you have no heart left? Most women don’t want to read this or hear this. GET IT OUT OF YOUR AD!
“No games.” Like, scrabble? This is a code for “no feelings.”
Let’s start with the do’s:
Do talk about yourself. Describe your body and your personality and your hobbies and career.
“I’m easy to talk to.” Good start.
“I’m a good listener.” This is a miracle when it occurs.
“I want to give you what you need.” My panties are getting damp.
“I am picky.” It means you won’t fuck anything that moves which is probably a lie but we might believe it for a second.
“Looking for a true friend and lover.” How sweet! Not likely, but still…
“A connection is important.” Nail on the head, dude.
“I love laughing.” Better than crying. Sense of humor goes a long way.
“I’m a generous lover.” It implies the sexual experience won’t be dismal for us.
“I’m very attentive to my partner.” Holy Grail.
User names are the next issue:
Please leave out sexual innuendo. Is this too much to ask for? Any mention of bodily fluids. The ratio of your goods. Your sexual skills. Women aren’t generally on board, let me assure you.
*BAD User Names:
2Men4U-Oh that’s not a risk…
LickuGud-more like lick you bad.
Hrny4sumfun-tell me something I don’t already know.
Cumnshare-let’s hold off on bodily fluids until we meet, shall we?
BigRod-I bet you think it is.
EZFuck-this is self-explanatory.
Justwannabang-big surprise? I’m not.
*GOOD User Names:
FitnFine-you might be fit and fine, we’re hopeful.
SweetandSexy-the same as above.
DiscreetLovers-sounds romantic and note I spelled discreet correctly (discrete is NOT correct).
ImTheOne-makes me want to click to find out.
LookNoMore-same as above. Hope springs eternal.
RomanticAnything-women are suckers for romance, duh!
PickMEPlease-guys, this is quite simple really…
When writing an ad, use words:
Real words. Not sum for some or wanna for want to. We would like a man who might have graduated from High School. And no LOL. Please for the love of God, no LOL. And when you do lolololol multiple times, it makes me want to shoot my head off. Haha, too. If you do both, I have written you off for good.
Write more, not less, and be sincere:
What works for me is sincerity. Well, as sincere as you can get on a website for cheating. LOL. Did you catch my sarcasm? The more you write, the better your odds. I think one-sentence profiles suck. I move on. If you can’t be bothered to try to work a bit to attract some pussy, what makes me think you will work for it in bed?
Women have to get a feel of what they are buying into. A test drive so to speak. If you like kinky roleplay, say it. If you want to dominate me, mention it. If you are into a specific look in a partner, this is the time. We need to know if we might fit your bill.
Many single men on Ashley Madison looking for us unicorns. Specify if you are single or attached. Most of us have a preference. Pros and cons with both.
After receiving hundreds of responses to my ad, I only clicked on the best profiles. So work on yours! Make it shine. No typos. Be the best version of yourself.
Looking for a lover is hard and frustrating for a man. I fully get it. But don’t make dumb mistakes that take you out of the running even before the race starts.