SOMA

Once upon a time in Wonderland there lived a girl named Azul Soleil. Strong willed, determined and outspoken, she is always finding her way into the most intoxicating, thrilling and utmost risky business. Because of this, it is necessary for her to maintain a strict meal plan and workout regimen. This way, her mind and body are on point and receptive to any windows or doors of opportunity that may open. As they say, luck is when hard work and preparation meets opportunity. At her age, she needs all of the luck she can get. Azul is an extreme fatalist. She believes whatever is meant to be is happening, right now. She lives her life going with the flow.

Azul found herself traveling to San Francisco, California this month, for work. She was out for one of her typical afternoon jogs (she isn’t much of a morning person). This particular evening the winds blew her in the direction of Cupid’s Span. The winds were whispering to her, “take a breather.” So, she did just that and the timing could not have been any more perfect. A local Latino street vendor was passing by and she heard the magic word, “elote!” Knowing carbs were no good for her diet, she stopped him anyway. “One please” she said to the man. Just then, a young man approached the cart. He stood about six feet tall, maybe a few inches taller. He was wearing a grey hoodie and some basketball shorts, nothing fancy. He says, “how much?” The Latino man answers, “two dollars.” The young man says , “I am speaking to the lady, sir.” Azul nearly choked, as she had already taken a bite into her snack. She wiped her face with the napkin and said to the confident young man, “excuse me?” He asked if he could have a moment of her time to speak away from the cart. She agreed and stepped closer to the rails of the pier, overlooking the San Francisco Bay. He then proceeded with his proposal. “My apologies if I come off as rude or disgusting. But, I assumed you were a working girl, as many woman in this city are. I find you to be very attractive and I would like to spend the rest of my day with you. I am willing to pay you one thousand dollars per hour to spend my last twenty hours of life, living out my bucket list dreams.” Again, she said “excuse me?”, but this time in a more inquisitive tone. He then explains to her that he is not dying but, instead recently came into a large sum of money and wants to live the life her never could. A retired stripper of twenty years, she replied, “and, how will you pay?” He laughed and replied, “so, you are working?” Azul smiled and said, “who in their right mind would say no to an offer like that?” “Great, what’s your cash app?” he says. And, so their day began.

What Azul did not know was that the young man was the young strapping Prince of Millennial World. How could she know? They were in the middle of a worldwide pandemic and everyone was wearing face masks. Except for Azul because she wanted to eat elote. As she continued to eat her Mexican style corn on the cob, he opened his phone to the “Little Black Book” app. It was there that he had stored a list of things he always wanted to do. The first thing on the list was to do laundry at a laundromat and overflow the place with suds. She laughed at the ridiculousness but, she knew a place down in SOMA district of the city. Azul frequently used laundromat because she stayed in hotels during her business trips. Neither one of them were driving so, they took an Uber from Cupid’s Span to SOMA. They hopped out at a local shopping center equipped with a supermarket, a coffee shop, local restaurants and a laundromat. The two of them went into the supermarket and purchased a large bottle of laundry soap, which they took over to the laundromat. It was now dark outside and there were no other people doing laundry. Which made Azul feel more comfortable about doing this whole activity. It was as they placed quarters in the machines that she asked, “so do you have a name?” He replied, “they call me X, short for exile. And you?” She said, “Azul, just Azul.” “Nice to meet you. Can you pass me the soap, please?” He said to her. They filled a few machines with loads of soap and watched the suds party begin. Laughing as they ran out, he then opened the “Little Black Boom” app and the next thing to do was to jump on the city train without paying and film a break dancing video. With their adrenaline rushing the two quickly made it to the local BART station where they awaited their chariot. Once the train arrived they made a mad dash to the back and hopped on. He set his phone to film with the reverse camera and asked Azul to hit the music. She had plenty of music, in her phone-and immediately threw on the theme from Breakin’ 2 Electric Bugaloo . X actually knew how to dance and the video was epic. At this point, three hours had past. X was paying Azul every hour on the hour through cash app. She asked what was next on his list. X was starting to get hungry and told her that it was time for a dinner break. Restaurants in the city were open for takeout only. He ordered a meal for two, to go, from Tad’s steakhouse. They were off in another Uber to pick it up. They picked up their meal and took it to his apartment which was not too far, away. Azul was pleasantly surprised to see that the decor was very calming with an Asian theme. He let her know that she could make herself comfortable. Which she felt comfortable to do. While she sat in the living room he went and got freshened up. When he came back into the living room, Azul realized that X was extremely handsome and in some incredible shape. It was difficult to keep her eyes offf of him. The two enjoyed their meal and got to know each other better. As they enjoyed a cup of coffee after dinner, he again opened the app. He said the next task was to TP the “Full House” house. She laughed but did not say no. He ordered the Uber, grabbed some rolls of toilet paper and they were on their way. X had given Azul a large hooded sweatshirt to wear. She thought it was to stay warm but she understood now that it was to hide her identity, as they hurled toilet paper at the iconic house. This time they ran straight to the LYFT bike rack, where he chartered them two getaway vehicles. They rode the bikes down to the Tenderloin. It was there that he told Azul the next activity. X wanted to do a drug deal with the local corner pharmacist. Azul realized that X was some sort of random adrenaline junkie. X walked up to a guy on the corner, wearing a hoodie and a backpack. He says, “what you got my man?” The guy replies, “coca.” X slides him a hundred dollar bill and takes the product. He walks back to Azul and the two ride off on their LYFT bikes. They ditch their getaway vehicles not too far from his apartment and go back inside. It had started to drizzle outside, so they took the party indoors. When they got inside the apartment he let Azul know how perfect it was because one of the activities was to do coke off of a hot girl’s tits.

They were now at the halfway mark and Azul was starting to get curious what other tasks he may present her with. It was clearly after hours and nothing was open. X sat next to her on the sofa and opened the “Little Black Book” app. He said that the next item was to get a lap dance in the back room. He was scratching his head because it was a worldwide pandemic and no strip clubs were open. Azul smiled and let X know that it was surely his lucky day. She was a retired stripper and his apartment was their VIP room. She opened her music app and put on a show. It during the show that X completed the task of doing coke off a hot girl’s tits. Seeing that X was able to successfully do a line of coke without dropping dead, on the floor, Azul felt comfortable to complete another activity which was have a hot girl do coke off his chest (which was pleasantly ripped). Now, the two were laughing, partying and high as hell, together. X told Azul that they had to get ready to go. When she asked where, curious because of the time, he told her they had to get a couples massage at a “Happy Ending” massage parlor. When they arrived at the dive spot it was mysteriously closed for the night. X did not plan for that mishap and seemed frustrated that his plans were being spoiled. Azul mimicked an Asian accent and told him, “no worries sir, Azul will take care of you. Her hands are like heaven on earth.” He smiled and they rerouted the Uber back to his apartment. When they arrived he explained that he hoped he had made her feel comfortable enough to do the massage in his bedroom which she agreed. Azul was a self taught masseuse, a skill she learned during a psychedelic overdose. She was very confident in her massage skills. X was more than pleased with her skills as well. He soon realized she would put him to sleep with her heavenly hands. He offered to pay Azul the remainder of her fees if she would sleep with him, literally. His last task, as he reopened the “Little Black Book” app was to fall asleep with the girl of his dreams. Azul smiled and agreed.