Say It

His cologne was soft, subtle and handsome. Just like his smile at that moment. I couldn’t see it, not from where I was kneeling. I knew it was there. He always smiled that way when I was obedient, and there I was. My knees and shins were pressed against the black carpet, my eyes were trained on the center of the purple wall in front of me. I didn’t move at all when I felt his hands unfastening my leash. My palms stayed flat on the floor between my knees, my bottom hovering above my heels, and my eyelids did flutter when I felt the warmth from his thumbs caressing my jawline. I loved him, and I would for the rest of my years. I had no doubt about the love he had for me. This bond...it was something I hadn’t thought was achievable, yet there we were.

His palm pressed against my cheek and I couldn’t help but tilt my head to lean my face into his hand. My skin was still hot and I was sweaty, we both were. My eyes finally closed once I felt his lips press against my temple and I felt a different kind of heat spread through my chest. God, I loved him. I whimpered, my shoulders wiggling only slightly as I lifted my head and opened my eyes to look up at his face. There it was. That smile that I loved so much. It grew and spread across his face as I poked my lips out. I had been so good. I had been so obedient and so patient. I always felt so centered and calm after a session, but it wasn’t quite over. Not until he said the words I always looked for.

“I love you.”

No, not those words, but I bit my bottom lip for a moment and told him that I loved him back. I stayed in our position, waiting for those words. My eyes locked with his, even though he hadn’t quite given me permission to look anywhere other than “forward”. I had huffed quietly as my shoulders fell only slightly. Though the sound his tongue made as it clicked against the roof of his mouth caused me to straighten up almost immediately. I wasn’t afraid of him or of disappointing him. I wasn’t afraid at all. There was something inside of me that wanted that smile, wanted to hear those words. No matter how often he said them, no matter how many times I saw that smile. I needed it. Some people needed flowers and little things like that to feel like they were being validated in their relationship. I still got those flowers, sweet text messages, Sunday morning cuddles. But what made he and I “us” was in that black and purple playroom. It was in the way I allowed him to pick out my clothes or order for me at restaurants. It was in those two words I craved.

“You did beautifully today, pup.”

No, that wasn’t it either, but I grinned up at him still because I loved knowing that I had pleased him. He worked so hard to make sure that I was taken care of. My well-being was his god, my mental and physical health were two of his top priorities and I had never felt so loved by another partner before. Still, I needed those words. I looked up at him, still waiting, and he turned to place my leash on the wall next to the others. He moved around the room, cleaning up the small messes and placing things back in the spots they belonged in. I knew that he was being slow on purpose, so I whimpered quietly. I whined about how much longer he was going to take and the response he gave was a chuckle. I felt him walk up behind me and his hands were on my waist, moving slowly up my sides, over to my shoulder blades and shoulders. His hands moved against my neck as he undid my collar.

“Who do you belong to?”

Him. I belonged to him and he belonged to me. That was my answer, and still I waited. My body was cooling now, coming down from a high I only got when I was beneath his hands. The room stayed cool, just like the rest of the house. I liked it cold and he always grumbled about it, but he never touched the thermostat. It gave me an excuse to stay cuddled against him at ever moment I got, though I didn’t really need an excuse. I knew soon he would pick me up in his arms and take me to a hot bath where we would stay tangled in each other until our skin wrinkled up. Not until he said those words. I wouldn’t move from my spot until he said them. I could feel his lips against my hear, his breath was warm and I couldn’t help the quiet sigh that left me. He whispered against my ear and my resolve melted. My bottom wiggled as my grin caused my nose to scrunch up and I asked him to say those words again.

“Good boy.”