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Jen Selter Has the Best Jewish Ass

Jewish American Princess Jen Selter has the best tuch ass in New York.

By Filthy StaffPublished 8 years ago 4 min read
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Instagram phenomenon Jen Selter reached 1.3 million followers with nothing but a dream, some yoga pants, and one of the all-time most spectacular asses in the world. Her page is loaded to the brim with pictures of her working out and many other ways to show off her illustrious butt. Her signature pose, sticking one leg behind and leaning forward, is quite effective in this regard. Obviously, her ass has played an integral role in obtaining so many followers.

One morning in 2010 Jen Selter made a promise to herself… and that promise was to mold her ass into a state of perfection fit for the gods. She mustered the willpower to hit that gym in those brutal New York winters. Before that ass existed on her body, it existed in her mind. She forged it through sheer determination and force of will. I would go so far as to say that she is a gluteal artist.

Yoga pants have helped her show off the product of this determination. I would like to thank the nation of India for introducing us to Yoga, and the subsequent invention of the now ubiquitous yoga pants that came as a result. Yoga pants are the optimal means of showing off a woman’s ass without actually exposing it. Jen Selter owns more than a hundred and fifty pairs of these miracles of textile technology to ensure that every soft sensual curve of Jen Selter's perfectly sculpted rear end is burned into your memory.

Yoga pants do a perfect job of showing off the perfect symmetry of Selter's assets. Scientists could calibrate their instruments on the curvature of her cheeks. She has what I like to call the “Zen Booty”... it is perfectly balanced. She never favored one cheek over the other when she was working out. Her ass reminds me of those trippy fractal posters, or the elegant beauty of the planets as they orbit the sun. Plato would say that her ass belongs in the realm of ideal forms.

Her back dimples perfectly accentuate all of her hard work. I love those things. The little dimples above a woman’s ass. They’re like arrows drawing your focus to her beautiful round ass. The more prominent the dimples, the tighter the ass. Back dimples are an incredibly important metric in the discipline of booty-ology. An avid booty watcher like myself can reckon a lot of information just from these little divots.

Perhaps the most important thing about having a nice ass is knowing how to show it off. This girl knows how to arch her back to give you the maximum effect of her gluteal prowess. Whether she is squatting, doing yoga poses on the railings of subway entrances, or just standing there giving a suggestive sidelong glance with a side of cray cray ass… she knows how to work what she’s got! Her ass is nice enough that I would appreciate it if she was just standing there, but she’s kind enough to put those extra flourishes on it. God bless her!

Perhaps one of the most admirable things about Jen Selter is that she represents her city. Along with the Statue of Liberty, the Empire State Building, and pizza second only to New Jersey… Jen Selter’s ass is now a part of that proud New York tradition. She is a born New Yorker, hailing from Roslyn, Long Island, and resides with her mother on the Upper West Side. She can be found all around the city, inspiring people to take better care of themselves with her amazing body. She has brightened the day of millions of New Yorkers through the sheer power of that booty. Her ass is one more contribution to the greatest city on the planet.

Selter had to take substantial risk in order to make her way in the world. Life for Jen Selter hasn’t been no crystal stair! She made a really ballsy move in disregarding a college education in pursuit of internet stardom. I can’t imagine the reaction her mother must have given her when she announced that she would be devoting herself completely to posting selfies on instagram. Imagine the ridicule she endured… but she knew. She knew in her heart of hearts that her spectacular ass would catapult her to stardom and it paid off!

She’s not doing this for vanity… no no no. She is showing women everywhere that they too can have a badonkadonk with some hard work and clean living. She leads by example. She is doing a service for public health by making women everywhere sign up for pilates classes across the nation. One ass… inspiring others to create bigger and better asses across the nation. Like Hands Across America, only way more interesting and twenty percent fewer hippies. It’s a beautiful thing.

Other celebrities seem to admire her cause as well. Her massive Instagram following includes Rihanna, Terrell Owens, and Amar’e Stoudemire. Truly, she has a Hollywood quality body, and should possibly look into body double work in movies. She could clean up! Perhaps she could score a few roles herself. She has endorsement deals with a number of local New York companies including a nutritional supplement company called Game Plan Nutrition. I predict big things for both her and her famous ass.

She’s sexy and she knows it! And she maintains that healthy bod by spending like… all of her time at the gym. I’ve seen so many pictures of her doing squat lifts (in my research…) that I feel like I’m her personal trainer asking her to give me just three more. The aforementioned Yoga pants mean she can spring into spontaneous fits of jogging at any time. She goes to more than one gym; She is in a weight room ALL day every day doing exercises specifically to give her a donkey (big old ass). Jen Selter does this for all mankind… praise her.

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About the Creator

Filthy Staff

A group of inappropriate, unconventional & disruptive professionals. Some are women, some are men, some are straight, some are gay. All are Filthy.

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