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How To Break A D#$% And Other Embarrassing Bedroom Injuries.

by Jason Ray Morton 6 months ago in tv review

Sex Sent Them To The E.R.

Trips to the emergency room are oftentimes the things of nightmares, but what about those embarrassing trips that result from your bedroom, or elsewhere, sexual antics. On TLC they've made a point of educating us through Sex Sent Me To The E.R. If you haven't watched the show it's definitely worthy of your time on a cold Saturday night with nothing to do. It's also worth watching just for a laugh at the expense of some actors playing out the antics of some unfortunate lovebirds.

From the generational teenage girl that gets a little too friendly with America's favorite hot dog brand to the poor couple that forgets to take it easy when they're wearing steel handcuffs, adding a little spice to our favorite activity does not come without its' risks.

Broke Dick

That's right guys. If you didn't hear the words in your head, here they are again, Broke Dick. A fractured penis is nothing to laugh at but in the DJ Qualls movie The New Guy, they went there. I know from my own perspective, I cringed at the mere thought of breaking my favorite appendage.

Imagine if you will, you're going to town with your favorite lady, or that special movie you keep in the back of your collection and a bottle of lube, and you hear a loud "popping" sound or a crackling noise that is quickly accompanied by excruciating pain and misery. Suddenly you've rapidly lost that erection, things are beginning to swell (and not in a usable way), and the pain, did we mention, becomes excruciating.

You've just had a horribly bad day, right? Well, it gets worse. In nearly every case of a broken penis, the fix to repair the damage is surgery. That's right, ice bag and tears together, you're heading to an emergency room. The breaking of the penis can tear blood vessels and even sever the urethra which is going to hinder or halt urinating, not to mention any other fluids that might be building up inside you.

The news, my fellow men, just keeps getting better and better. As I was researching the injuries involved in sex, including that of the "broken dick", I found a study that suggests there are two positions that are most common in breaking a penis. In several studies, as it turns out, the same two positions are mentioned. "Girl On Top" is most common at 50% with doggy style at 29%. It seems like we're meant to do the work boys.

Some injuries are a little more commonplace. Remember when we were young and just getting into sex. The occasional rug burn was bound to happen. What if the rug burn goes through two layers of skin and the blood starts pooling beneath you? Well, don't freak out. Some antibiotic ointment and a large bandage are called for, then roll over on your side or try getting back in bed.

Things Get Stuck

It's true and it's, unfortunately, more and more common. When it comes to sex it's all about the holes and putting something in them. In a less vanilla world, those things getting put in the hole don't always belong there. Sometimes, people get a little too excited and lose control of the items as was the case in the above video. So, ladies, if your vibrators missing and your husband has a belly issue, get that man a doctor.

Whether it's doing it somewhere that you risk getting bit on your genitals or falling from shower sex in a hotel room, our sexual antics can come back to haunt us if we're not careful. Take the case of the playful couple celebrating the fourth of July. Firecracker frozen ice pops will freeze quickly to the soft tissue of the vagina. Or the adventurous couple that lost control on an old bed with a brass headboard. The firefighters had to cut the headboard off the bed to take the woman and headboard to the E.R. all at once.

And then, my favorites, the couple that got their freak on all over the new house, including the backyard treehouse. Those pesky spiders can cause a real problem when they sinch into a testicle. Then who's tried backdoor fun without a condom. Diante did with his girlfriend. Things did not go alright.

So, there you go, boys and girls. Enjoy the laugh and remember the lessons, or sex might send you to the E.R.

If you enjoyed this piece of work a heart would be appreciated. If you really enjoyed it, tips are always appreciated.

tv review

Jason Ray Morton

I have spent a life in uniform, adventuring through this muddled-up world as time passed. I've lived, loved, fallen on my face only to try again. Now, as I get older, my only regret was not writing it down. It's time to start.

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Jason Ray Morton
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