Hospitality Confessions: The Day I Start Writing the Hardest Letter I Have Ever and Will Ever Write in My Entire Lifetime!

Prelude

When Jason woke up Monday morning and called Lee Anne, he got her answering machine. Strange, he thought. They always went jogging early on Mondays. Lee Anne said that it was the only way to get the day started right. And once he’d gotten into the habit, he had to agree with her. Not only did he feel rejuvenated by the brisk pace that she made him keep, but he got to start the week with her. And he was looking forward to starting every single day with her after they got married in a couple weeks.

Lee Anne was his soul mate. He’d never believed in things as corny as soul mates before but maybe that was because he was too busy with school. People always thought that becoming a doctor or a lawyer was the hardest career choice but he would tell anyone that Pharmacy was pretty damn hard, too. He worked his ass of every year that he was in school. It was only in his last year when he met Lee Anne that he remembered that there was more to life than working.

He was immediately worried when she didn’t answer the phone after several calls so he hopped in the car and drove over. Even though they didn’t live together they had given each other keys to their apartments about six months ago. He knocked first and then let himself in, calling her name.

“Lee Anne! It’s me. Are you ok?”

There was no answer as he walked through the apartment. He expected to find her in bed, sick with the flu, but when he got to her room, it was empty of her. The bed was made, the closets closed. Everything was where it was supposed to be. Except for the note under the memory stick on the bed.

It was a note to him, he saw as he read it.

“Jason, I have to go away for a week. Please read this while I am gone and know that I love you. Lee Anne.”

How weird.

He pocketed the memory stick and left, locking the door behind him.

It wasn’t until later in the day that he got to sit down at his computer to do some reading. And he didn’t know what to expect. He was thinking that it might be some naughty letter or something similar — Lee Ann did like to get him turned on when she knew she wasn’t going to be around.

But he certainly wasn’t expecting this!

Chapter One: The Day I Start Writing the Hardest Letter I Have Ever and Will Ever Write in My Entire Lifetime!

Dear Jason,

I know you are likely totally freaked out because I didn’t tell you anything about where I am, but by the time you are done reading this you’ll understand why. Or I hope you will anyway. I can’t believe that our wedding is only a couple weeks away and at the same time I can’t believe that I have put off telling you all of this.

But I can’t hide it anymore. I don’t want you to find out from someone in my past and divorce me because I never told you the truth. I don’t want you to have your heart broken after I have made you so happy — because I truly believe I can.

This is not really so horrible as far as I am concerned. It is just part of who I am. But I can see that it might sound horrible if you were caught unawares and told by someone other than me. I don’t want you to think that I am ashamed. I’m not. But I do want you to know where I come from. You know some, but you don’t know it all.

I haven’t been purposefully lying to you. But I know that this might be hard for you to believe or hard to handle when you first find out and I don’t want you to discover all of this as if I was ashamed of it.

The things I am going to tell you are not really that horrible. They are just…extreme I guess. They are things that some people have no trouble with but some people do. I like to believe that you are one of those people that will understand that although this is my past and although I am not ashamed of it, it does not reflect on how I feel about you. I love you. I always will. I just don’t want you to walk into this marriage without truly knowing who I am and where I have been.

I’ve told you a lot about how I grew up. You know that my parents were in their mid-forties when they had me. They never thought that they would have children so I came as quite a surprise to them. They were kind of stuck in their ways. They already had a life and I kind of interrupted it. So, they brought me into their lives the best way that they knew how.

I had more friends that were adults when I was a child than I did children. My parents’ friends were pretty much done raising kids by the time I came along so I made friends with the adults. I sat with them at dinner because there wasn’t a kids table anymore. I went to my mom’s bridge games and listened to them talk while I played with my paper dolls. I was very well behaved because they expected nothing less than that from me. It wasn’t bad. It was just the way it was.

I liked school and I got along with the other kids but I never could understand why they were so immature. I was always eager to get home and see my mom and her friends. Ya, that’s kind of weird. But it really did shape who I became.

My dad was a good man. He talked to me about stuff he was interested in. That’s why I know so much about politics and stuff like that. I know a lot of other young people our age think that I’m strange because I get so excited about elections and current events but that was one of my dad’s major interests.

When I became a teenager everything changed though. I got to high school and I suddenly realized that I was different. I mean really different. I did not fit in with the geeks or the popular kids. I stuck out like a sore thumb. Or at least that was how it felt to me. By the time I was done my first year I knew that something had to change. I thought it was me.

Over the summer before I went into grade 10 I did some major changes. I lost a bit of weight. I bought new clothes, makeup, shoes — and the money was never an issue because all I ever had to do was ask my parents in order to get the money for the things I wanted.

I went back to school looking like a popular girl. And I tried really hard to be one of them. I went to their parties — and they happily invited me when they saw that I looked and talked like one of them — and I skipped classes with them. But after a month or two I really hated who I was becoming. And just like that I was me again.

I did not date in high school because the boys mostly just seemed like a bunch of idiots. And the ones that were not idiots — well, they just did not turn me on. I mean, I wasn’t about to waste my virginity on a scrawny little band geek that couldn’t even find a pussy, let alone figure out how to make me feel good, was I?

I finally lost my virginity in senior year. With a teacher. Yes, you read that right. No, he did not take advantage of me. I was already 18 and I had set my sights on him. He was a substitute teacher and I knew I’d never see him again. He was mature but not ancient. Only in his twenties. And I really hoped that he would have a clue what he was doing.

I was right. He did. He was only in town for a week and was staying at a hotel and the night after the last day of classes I showed up there and told him what I wanted. The poor guy did not have a chance. I have to laugh now when I think back on it because you know he was just tormented. Something inside of him was just screaming that it was wrong. That he shouldn’t be doing this. That he should tell me to go home.

But when I slid my shirt over my head and he got a look at my breasts — so small yet round and those pink nipples that you love so much — he was helpless. He carried me to the bed and although it wasn’t the best experience that I’ve had in bed (or out), it was quite good. He made me feel good and he made it last and yes, he made me come. Of all of my girlfriends I think I am the only one that has had an orgasm the first time they had sex.

I stayed there for the night and he taught me a few things. Enough to make me realize that I was sexy and that I could pretty much have any guy I wanted — if I wanted him.

My mom got sick almost immediately after I graduated. Both of my parents were in their mid-60s by that point and I knew how hard it was on my dad. He wanted me to go to school right away anyway but I couldn’t leave him alone. And I wasn’t ready to leave her yet either. My mom was my best friend. I just couldn’t leave.

So I stayed there for 5 months while she died. You knew that already though. It was friggin’ hard watching her die but not watching her die would have been even harder for me. And not being there for my dad? Well, I don’t know. I guess he would have managed on his own but he shouldn’t have had to. He was my friend, too. I think we all needed the consistency of being together at that point.

But she did die. And then my dad started talking about me going to school again. I did not want to leave him. I really did not. I likely would not have except that he sold the damn house out from under us and moved into a senior’s complex! I had no choice really.

And then I was on my own, on a bus to the city. I knew that money would not be an issue because my dad would help, but since I was on my own I wanted to take care of myself. Things really changed then.

I felt like I was becoming a totally different person. And I was.

You’ll find out soon just how I became the person I am today because I know that you can already see that I am not this same little girl. I’m a woman now and I’m not the same as I once was. I don’t regret any of the things that have changed me because otherwise I would not be who I am now and if I wasn’t who I am, you might not love me the way you do. And I fully believe that you do love me and no matter what you think when you are done reading this I know that we will move forward together.

To be continued…