When you grow up in the Midwest with a conservative family, there isn't a lot of room to explore desires. Inklings of what could be itch at the back of your brain, but you're never able to scratch. Your dark desires are talked about as sin. They become shameful and you lock them away.
I tried to live the life my parents always wanted for me. I tried to live like them. They were insistent on me finishing my education before anything else. They told me they would help me pay and get through college, so long as I wasn't worried about boys the whole time. That was easier said than done, but I had managed.
My first boyfriend out of college was someone my parents knew and trusted. His parents were friends of my parents and we all went to church together. I had always done what my parents had asked and I stayed away from boys, but that didn't mean my eyes weren't glued to them every chance I got.
Steven had never been one of the boys I stared at even though he had been around. He was always one to blend into the background. Our parents set us up on a date and it went well enough.
It wasn't like Steven was ugly. He was moderate in height and build. He had always styled his blonde hair in a crew cut with a tiny amount of gel he ran through the top. His blue eyes were cute enough.
Maybe that had always been the problem. Steven was a cute clean-cut all-American man. Which was nice for some people, but it had never been my thing.
Nevertheless, my parents insisted that he would be good for me and I should give him a try. Like he was a pair of shoes I wasn't sure went with my outfit. By this point, I was stuck in a rut of doing whatever my parents wanted so they would leave me alone.
We dated for a year.
And that's when I finally dumped him.
Guilt had lived white-hot in me for months following the breakup. I had always known it wasn't going to work between us. I had deceived him just to make my parents happy. And I had broken his heart in the process.
Then I was single for a year.
I couldn't live with doing that to someone else. My parents tried to constantly set me up with men they found suitable, but I refused. I told them that I wanted to wait until I was more established in my career before I started thinking about dating.
Which was a lie.
The desires that had been swirling around for years had evolved into a beast I could barely get control over. I wasn't dating because I wasn't exactly sure what I wanted. I just knew it wasn't anything my parents were offering me.
It took me a long time to decide to explore my desires further. Now that I was living on my own without my parents breathing down on my neck, I had the freedom to explore if I wanted it. I'll admit I was scared. There were residual guilt and shame leftover from the teachings of the church.
It had taken a few glasses of wine before I opened a private browsing screen on my laptop and typed in 'porn'. I wasn't exactly sure what I was looking for, but I figured with a little bit of digging I would stumble upon it eventually.
Heat spread throughout my body as I watched a million different scenarios play out before my eyes. I had always known I was deprived, but I didn't understand exactly what I was missing out on.
Steven and I had fooled around a couple of times, but never more than that. We were raised in the same church. A church that taught us if we had sex before we were married we were going straight to hell. Steven was more of a prisoner to his parent's ideals than I was. He knew he was saving himself. I knew I just didn't want to give myself to him.
Then I saw something that really captured my attention.
There was a man in a nice pair of slacks and a white button-down shirt standing in between a camera and a couch. I couldn't see his face, but his mere presence commanded respect.
I sat up straighter in my chair with my eyes glued to the screen. My heart was pounding as I watched everything unfold.
"Get over here. Now," he ordered to someone off-screen.
He took off his belt as a woman came into the frame. She was only wearing a pair of lacy red undies over her dark smooth skin. She stood there nervously as the man sat down on the couch.
"Tell them what you did wrong, bunny," he said.
I could see the woman's curls shake back and forth as she refused without saying it. The man's grip on the belt tightened.
"You're only making this worse for yourself," he told her. "Tell them why you're getting punished and then we can get on with it."
"I got up off my knees without your permission," she muttered.
"Now lay down," he said as he pointed at his lap.
The woman whimpered but she did as he asked. Both of them were angled where I never got to see their faces.
"You know the rules, bunny," he said softly. "You have to count out loud for each hit. If you don't, then I'll start over."
They were both silent for a moment as he ran his hands over her butt. "Are you ready," he asked her.
As soon as she nodded her head, the man raised his arm and brought the belt over her ass with a crack. I jumped with the first physical contact.
"One," she whimpered.
I watched with wide eyes and wet panties as he continued all the way until twenty-five. Deep down inside, I was hoping she would mess up and forget to count so that he would have to start all over. I had never watched anything so exhilarating in my life.
The video was over too soon and I couldn't help but start it over as soon as it ended. This time, by the time the woman was laying over the man's lap, I had a hand down my pants.
I was slick and needed some kind of release after all of the excitement that had built up in me. I cried out in pleasure and climax by the time she reached 'ten'.
That night, I laid in bed, unable to forget what I had seen earlier. There was one pressing question in my mind.
Where could I find a man to spank me like that?
About the author
I'm a professional writer and I have a passion for romance. With romance comes a lot of sex. This is going to be my space to share some of the extra dirty scenes that play through my head on any given day. Excited to share with you guys!