My brain was too busy racing between Bash and Gun, that I didn’t get any work done, and lines were starting to run together. This was our last reversal for the last episode tomorrow. I’m not sure where Gun and I stand and also what about Bash?
“I told you nothing will ever be the same can’t you see that,” I snapped running the line using the attitude inserted in the script.
“Witchit? That’s not the attitude, use a deeper tone in your voice,”
“I told you nothing will ever be the same, can’t you see that,” also halfway through the sentence reality started to set in, exactly what was said is what I was currently feeling, tears fell before I could hide my true feelings. Gun stood there giving me that I know look.
“You need to stay with Bash,” looking him in the eyes,
“Why would you say that? What about you?” shocked and confused,
“What about me?” his face didn’t change, it seemed as if he was actually happy to say those words to me.
“What do you feel?” I want to know maybe if he feels something it will change my choice. He sighed for a minute swaying his arms, like he was trying to find the right words, sitting on the couch next to me his hand landed on my leg.
“Witchit, I like you…” my eyes widen the size of saucers could he really, his face stayed stone.
“As a friend only,” the punch to my gut, we did more than just friend things, how could he only see me as a friend?
“After the show is finished and our three fan meets, I honestly don’t want to be around you. I hope you can understand.” Suddenly wishing I could hide under a rock, why would he give me false hope, or did I read too much into him. Nodding as I stood,
“I’ll uh… I ‘ll see you tomorrow,” I didn’t wait for a reply, I just walked out of his apartment it was then that I noticed how fucked up I had made things. Walking down the road, to my apartment everything just kept replaying in my head.
This all started with me getting drunk now that I’ve been sober for weeks and working with school and the show. It was time to get back into it, just school and work I couldn’t afford to get to wrap up in something else anymore. I’m breaking away from both Bash and Gun; Mom and Dad will probably forgive me for this I don’t know.
Two weeks after that day:
My normal everyday routine returned, between school and work, it was all I did now, I had a small birthday party for myself at my apartment. That turned into a disaster thanks to Jerry this time, he invited Bash. I understood why though, it was his first out of the hospital and as for Tracy. She’s kept me updated on Bash’s condition I wanted to make sure he was ok, even though I love him, I’ll never degrade myself to be with someone that is married no matter the situation. Tee announced that she was pregnant too, Jerry likes to die. I held out my hand to Mo
“Pay up,” yup we made a bet that Jerry would be the first one to have a kid. This bet was made long before we ever thought of girls or guys. Mo slammed the hundred-dollar bill smiling.
“Fucker, Rac is going to mad when he founds out, I spent my last bill on a bet from sixteen years ago.” Laughing at Mo, he’s changed so much now. Rac keeps him in track and he has even stopped asking about everyone’s sex life, Rac and he isn’t public yet, but they don’t hide their relationship either. Like now they were standing in the corner of my kitchen sucking face and groping each other. I stood clear of the two for sure. Jerry seemed happy with the news, I cheered them for the next journey of their lives. Everything seemed to be fallen into place yet again, I hadn’t heard from Gun since our last fan meet last week. He stuck to his word we had no contact after that day. Even with all my friends here I still felt empty, Bash sat on the couch just watching everyone, and smiling, he was still very weak Jerry said he had to help him walk to my room from the elevator. He tried to talk to me a few times, but I ignored him. I sat a no-drinking rule for Tee, Bash, and I, Mo wined about it, but after a while he was okay. Everyone was sober and enjoying ourselves.
“Hey, why don’t you talk to Bash?” glaring at Mo who has now asked five times, I couldn’t find any reason to talk to him, huffing while I made my way to the couch, handing him a soda.
“Here,” I couldn’t get it into my head how sick he is so suddenly, I’ve asked him and Tracy what did the doctor says, but they just avoided the question altogether.
“Thanks, Nice party,” he smiled, I didn’t his eyes being sunk in like that and I wasn’t pitying him, I was genuinely concerned about what was wrong with him and why he refused to tell me.
“It’s starting to wind down, I’ll help you to your room,”
“Wit, can we talk? Alone,” as even someone had stopped the music and noise the whole room froze in place, nodding as I helped him to his feet.
Sitting him on my bed, it was awkward neither of us spoke for a few minutes just sitting next to him.
“Wit,”
“I’m sorry for ever making you feel used or unwanted, but the truth is I love you and I’ve loved you since the day we meant, that night at the bar Tracy and I did break up, I’m serious she even left for a few weeks, but my dad throw a fit and made her come back. Even telling him that she had another boyfriend and was happy with him. He didn’t buy it though and that’s when he ordered us to marry for the sake of Tom-Tom.” keeping my head low, his words mimicked hers why did I have to fall in love? Why did it have to be him? I wanted to stay strong, I didn’t want to believe anything that came out of his mouth, but the truth was I believed him no matter what he said or did, I was weak for him.
“This ring means nothing to both of us, Wit, believe me, my dad forced this marriage on us for the sake of his company image.” He held up the ring shining in the light,
“I love you so much Bash all you had to do was stay truthful to me, how can I trust you in the future if our past was build on lies!” holding back tears as the words surfaced.
“I can’t be a willing mistress to a broken marriage, Bash please don’t ask that of me.” Wiping my eyes running into my bathroom, hiding the sadness not just in my soul, but in my heart, it hurt to think about how much a few months of happiness can do to your heart.
“Wit, I’ll leave you alone then,” listening to him shuffle out of my bedroom, sliding down into the floor letting my sobs fill the room. What a fucking birthday?
I didn’t go to school after that day, I just couldn’t find the strength to even get out of bed.
“Wit, Wit, Wit open the damn door,” Mo drummed on the door for the third day in a row, I just laid on the bed staring at the door, I felt so empty and alone. I didn’t have my parents to help me through this, I didn’t have anyone. Mo and Jerry would listen if I needed them to, but I just didn’t have the courage to ask them. Taking out the bottle of pills that seemed to help me sleep through my nightmares. Taking two, hoping to find sleep tonight, again two more, and two more, just wanted to numb the pain and go to sleep. I emptied the bottle feeling my eyes get heavy finally the pain was gone, and sleep took over.
Something felt off with Wit today and I needed to find out why he wasn’t answering the phone or the door. He’s battled depression before and I’d never since him this bad before. The shit between him, Bash and Gun were getting out of hand Jerry and I always waited until Wit would tell us, but now I had a gut feeling something was wrong, so now I’m standing here beating on the door hoping he’ll open the door scolding me for overreacting.
“Wit, Wit, Wit open the damn door,” I was shouting loud enough that Bash down the hall heard me,
“What wrong?”
“Well if I know I wouldn’t be beating on his damn door,” I growled,
“I have a spare key,” he said holding up his keys, shaking as I opened the door, rushing into his apartment finding it empty in the living room and kitchen, no lights on, that was always a bad sign for Wit when he got into his dark days he wouldn’t like the lights on. I froze at his bedroom door as if time stopped seeing his body on the floor.
“Bash Help me!” I screamed; the bottle was still in his hand.
“I need a medic a Corse Tower room 10,” Bash spoke on the phone before rushing to my side nudging me,
“Tell me everything now,” he was growling as he started CPR,
“He has Bi-polar Depression from losing his parents years ago,”
“Come on Wit Breathe, Wake up!” I stood there trying to hold back tears, my best friend’s life with hanging in the balance and there was nothing I could do.
Rushing to the door after hearing someone yell inside,
“He’s in here,”
“Okay,” Bash moved away letting the medics take over, hooding him up to wire and tubes,
“Starting compression,” they strapped his arms to a motorized CPR machine, sticking a hose down his throat,
“Do these look familiar to you?” one of the medics asked seeing his prescription bottle empty.
“He just had those filled two days ago, every two months.” He calculated the difference, I’m guessing Bash did too because he growled again pacing the room, this was bad real bad, Wit overdosed on forty-eight pills and he currently had no heartbeat and no breathes sounds. For the first time I’d ever seen Bash cry and his face was filled with guilt and sadness.
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