Duskwood: Into the Forest: "Phil's Epilogue

You stare blankly at the T.V. Phil glances your way a few times as he wipes down the bar. You’re numb. After all that you’ve been through, Jake’s disappeared again, and you haven’t heard anything from him. Phil slides you a shot of your favorite liquor. You absentmindedly toss it back, igniting your throat, burning your chest. You don’t flinch. You’ll take the distraction, the pain, over the pounding in your chest.

Heat rings in your ears as you swallow the last few drops in the glass, sliding it back towards Phil. It’s been a full year since the incident with Michael Hanson. What better way to celebrate the absence of your soulmate than to drown your sorrows in The Aurora?

“Another.” You say flatly.

“I think you’ve had enough.” He throws the bar towel over his shoulder. “Where are you staying tonight?”

You raise an eyebrow keeping your eyes on the T.V. “Dunno.”

He reaches beneath the bar and grabs a second glass. “We’re closing soon.”

He fills both glasses, sliding one your way. You clink them together, still avoiding his gaze, and toss it back straight. You focus on the thick liquid as it rips through your insides, settling in your empty stomach.

“I know.” You say as you slide the glass back his way, “Another.”

He sighs but pours you both another shot. You clink your glasses together, and down them in unison.

“I’m worried about you.” He wipes his lips with the back of his hand.

“What’s there to worry about?” You move to slide the glass back towards him, but he stops you, placing a hand over yours.

“He’s been gone a year. You’ve been in my bar, sitting here staring at nothing, every night since.” He retorts.

“That’s not true. I went home. Once. Besides, there’s nowhere else to drink.” You sigh loudly, spinning your stool away from him, “You don’t have a thing to worry about, see?” You get to your feet and walk a straight line, nearly toppling over an empty table. “Oopsie.” You giggle as you steady yourself, balancing on one foot. You dramatically touch your fingers to the tip of your nose.

Just as you threaten to crash into the table a second time, Phil rounds the bar. He wraps his arms around you, helping you into the nearest chair.

“You’re not okay.” He crouches down, hands on your shoulders. “Seriously, look at me.” He puts a gentle hand under your chin, “Please, stop doing this. Forget about him.”

You flinch, “Just forget about him?” Your eyes burn with the threat of tears. “And how the hell am I supposed to do that Phil?”

“For starters, stop drinking alone.”

“I’m not alone. I have you!” You smirk.

“I’m all for playing bartender when it’s someone I don’t care about, but watching you come apart is killing me.”

“Why? I’m not important. Obviously.” You roll your eyes, swaying uneasily.

“Do you not realize how many people care about you?”

You huff, “Yeah, okay.”

“They’re avoiding you because you’re pushing them away.”

“Everyone but you?” You smile awkwardly in his direction.

“Where are you staying?”

“I…” You hiccup, “I don’t know.” You’ve blown through your savings. You’ve lost your job after not returning to work as you should have. Your rent went unpaid. They’ve seized your apartment and your belongings. You’ve got nowhere to go.

He sighs as he glances around the empty bar. “You stay right here, got it?”

He gives you a friendly pat on the back as he passes. You slouch down in the chair, nearly sliding to the floor. Phil returns and pulls up a chair. Your knees are touching. You glance at them and giggle.

“What’s funny?”

“Your knees! They’re so much bigger than mine!” You chuckle.

“If you don’t have a place to stay, you can stay at my place.”

“I don’t have any money.”

“You think I don’t know that? You’ve been drinking for free.” He rolls his eyes. “I could find a way to pay you for something. You can help me here. You’d make fantastic tips.”

That subtle, iconic Phil wink brings a smile to your face momentarily.

“My savings is gone. They’ve seized my apartment. My belongings. I’m not even a good friend. I’m pathetic. I keep waiting around here, but for what? He’s gone…” You shudder, “Oh my god. He’s gone!” You shout and pull your hair into your fists.

“He’s an idiot.” Phil spits. “He’s the dumbest fucking person I’ve ever met.”

You swat at his knees in protest. He catches you by the wrist, steadying you. His hold is gentle as he runs his thumb across your wrist. Goosebumps trail where his touch lingers. You smile despite yourself.

“He’s not an idiot.” You shake your head.

“You’re right. He did it to protect you. He cares about you, but he’s not the only one. He disappeared because he wanted you to be happy. You think you would have been happy with him, but you’re wrong. Being on the run, ending up in prison, it’s not fun.” He gives a self-deprecating laugh.

“I know.” Your head drops and your chin rests against the crook of your shoulder.

“Come here.” Phil pulls at your wrist with care, encouraging you onto his lap.

You oblige weakly. You’re tipsy, sad, and in need of comfort. It’s not like you don’t enjoy Phil’s company. In fact, out of all the people you’ve come to know and love in Duskwood, Phil is the only one you can tolerate on nights like these. He doesn’t push or pry. He doesn’t make fun of you or make you feel stupid for holding on for so long. He simply listens, let’s you exist. You feel his breath against the top of your head as he wraps his long arms around you, tracing circles around your ear as he tucks a stubborn strand of hair back again and again.

You bury your face in his chest. His scent fills your nostrils as you inhale him deeply. A small smile touches your lips as you remember the first time you met him. He was just as you’d imagined him to be. Witty, funny, but kind, nonetheless. He was by your side the entire time. He even risked his life several times to save others.

He seemed to hold a grudge against Jessy, but all it took was one conversation, and he’d begun to see things differently. He truly cared about those around him, even after all the trouble, they’d given him. He was forgiving, strong, beautiful, and kind. You’d found yourself wondering often what it would have been like if you’d met him first.

You’d wasted away in front of his bar. He’d never said a word about how pathetic you were. He’d never take your money. He’d silently bring your snacks and made sure you were sober enough to get back to your motel. On nights like tonight, he’d offer to take you there. He’s been your rock, silent but sturdy, waiting nearby when you need a place to rest.

You’d known that he was head over heels in love with you for some time. How did you know this? It was Duskwood and rumors spread quickly. In the case of Mr. Phil Hawkins, the rumors stopped completely. Not a single rumor to be heard about his relationships with women. That put your mind at ease. He had stopped fooling around. All his attention went to you.

You wanted to return his feelings. You truly did, but thoughts of Jake rendered you incapable of such remarkable feelings for someone else. You told yourself that if Jake didn’t return a text or a phone call by the first anniversary of Michael’s arrest, you’d forget him completely. The thought was futile. You couldn’t forget, but maybe, just maybe you could move on.

“Hey.” Phil cradles your face, studying it. “Do you have somewhere to go?”

You pout, chewing your lip, “I…” Tears threaten to spill from the corner of your eyes. “I’ve emptied my savings. My last night at the motel was yesterday. I checked out this morning. The car I bought, is on its last leg. Richy said he’d help me with that. He’s insisting even. I don’t have a job or any money. I don’t have a home.” You’re sobbing now, “I don’t want to ask my friends here. I’ve not been present as of late. I don’t think they consider me a true friend at this point. I’ve been so stupid, Phil. How could I let him consume me like this?”

“Was he your first love?” Phil strokes your hair, his voice a low purr.

“I…” You swallow thickly, “I think so.” Your face is wet, your hair a mess, but you give him the widest smile you can muster, “I don’t even know if we were truly in love. It’s hard to say. Maybe it was just the heat of the moment. I want to believe it was real, that he loved me.”

He smiles warmly tilting your chin up to meet your eyes, “He did. He loved you so very much.”

You nod once, “Thank you, Phil.” You breathe shakily, “I guess I should let you close the bar. I’ll just sleep in the car.”

You move to stand, but Phil wraps his arms around your waist, holding you in place, “Absolutely not. You’ll stay with me. If you want to repay me, you can help me manage the bar. Paperwork is piling up as we speak.”

“I appreciate the gesture, but I don’t want to impose.”

Phil chuckles to himself, “How could I let the woman I love, live out of her car?”

You stare at him, stunned, “What?”

He smiles weakly, “As much as I’d like to deny those awful rumors about me,” His voice is thick with sarcasm, “It’s true. I’ve not so much as looked at another woman since we’ve met.”

Your eyes widen in shock. Part of you knew the rumors were true because you’d spent a good chunk of your time at the bar. You’d also wanted them to be false, for Phil’s sake. You weren’t ready to move on, and you weren’t sure you ever would be. As a result, you’d hoped the rumors were false, and that Phil was carrying on with his life. Hearing that they were not, filled you with a mix of emotions. Guilt, sadness, overshadowed by love and affection, admiration, for a man with such a big heart.

“You…” You stammer, eyes misty with happiness.

“Yes.” He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, “I think I’ve always known. Since the first time you messaged me, something felt different. YOU felt different. I asked Jessy about you, something I’d never genuinely done before. Typically, I don’t mind if someone is in a relationship. I realize that makes me sound like a total creep, but it didn’t make a difference to me. That’s their choice. If they want to violate the terms of their relationship, who am I to stop them. It never concerned me, but you were different.” He licks his lips, glancing past yours to meet your eyes, “I love you. I’ve always loved you. It hurt me, to watch you struggle. When he hurt you, time and time again, it hurt me. I stayed silent because I wanted what was best for you. I truly wanted to believe that he’d be there for you, but he wasn’t. Whether that was by choice, or he was captured, we’ll never know. It doesn’t matter. The fact remains, he’s not here, but I am.”

“Phil.” You cup his cheek, letting him nuzzle his face into your palm.

“We can take it slow, start as roommates. There’s no rush. I’d never pressure you to be with me. I just can’t stand the thought of you sleeping in your car.” He scrambles nervously for words to convey how he feels. You can feel how foreign this is to him, “I’ll cook for you. I’ll keep the house clean. If you want a pet, we can get a cat or a dog, to keep you company while I work. You’ll never go without. You can help me at the bar if you insist. I’d rather you stay home, pursue your dreams, and let me support you for the rest of our lives. Whatever will make you…”

You cut him off with a kiss. Your lips crash into his, catching him off guard. He tightens his grip on you, pulling you in by the small of your back. His other hand finds the base of your neck, deepening the kiss. He pulls at you, grasping at every scrap of clothing he can, frantically keeping you close.

You feel him pull away from you, resting his forehead against yours. His eyes are still closed as if he fears opening them. You sigh against his lips as you peck them quickly, trailing away from them. You make your way down to his neck. You feel him shudder as you nip at his ear. You kiss his throat, feeling his Adam’s apple bob as he swallows nervously. A small moan escapes him as you work your way down to his shoulders, gently pulling his skin between your lips and teeth.

He tenses under your touch, pulling away with haste. He steadies you in his lap, gripping your shoulders. He studies your eyes intently, keeping you at arm’s length. You furrow your brow questioning his behavior.

“I don’t want to just be some rebound guy you sleep with. I’m not in this for revenge.”

You shake your head quickly, “It’s not like that Phil. I’ve been stupid. Naïve, blind even. He used me, to get his sister back, and even if he didn’t, he still didn’t listen. He didn’t care enough to understand me. You did. You tried to convince him to stay, even though you wanted me for yourself. You stood by patiently, waiting for me to come around. You never pressured me. You made changes to yourself, so that when I was ready, so were you. I overlooked you for too long.”

“Does that mean you’ll move in with me?” He waits patiently, hopefully.

“Yes, Phil. We can give it a shot.” You smile warmly, your heart beating out of your chest.

You realize only then how drunk and exhausted you truly are. Your eyelids begin to droop as you lean in for a hug. Phil accepts you, massaging his thumbs over your back and neck. You feel dampness where his cheek is pressed against your hair. He’s crying, but you don’t say a word. Slowly, you drift to sleep as he holds you in his lap.

When you wake up the next morning, you’re in an unfamiliar room. You shoot up frantically, scanning your surroundings. Sound asleep at your side, a messy bun of black hair.

“Phil.” You mumble trying not to wake him.

He stirs in his sleep, mumbling something. You lean in, careful not to disturb him, and listen.

“You’re wonderful. You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on. Please, don’t leave me. I’ve only just got you back. I promise I’ll do whatever it takes. You’ll never be sad again. Please, don’t go.”

He shudders, wrapping his arms tightly around himself. You frown. You had no idea how much this had been tormenting him. He watched you suffer. He watched you face death. He’d held your hand and let you grieve. He’d been a silent haven for so many months. You were lucky to have him, and even more, so that he’d waited for you this long.

You carefully let his hair down so you can run your fingers through it. You let your fingertips trail his scalp. He rolls to face you, still asleep, tears running down his cheeks. You brush them away, gently, with the pad of your thumb. He shudders under your touch.

“I can’t lose you.” He mumbles under his breath. “Please, don’t hurt her!” He shoots up, almost knocking into you.

“Are you alright?” You frown.

“I am now.” He drops back onto his elbows, “Sorry about that. Recurring nightmares.” He tries to hide it, but you know enough.

“I had no idea. Has this been…”?

“Yes. It’s been like this for the last year. I’m sure it’ll get better now.” He smiles weakly at you.

You brush strands of hair away from his face. “Are you sure you’re, okay?”

He nods once, before dropping back on the pillow, his arms crossed beneath his head.

“It’s early. Should we make ourselves something to eat?” He shoots you a knowing look.

**** Adult content contained from this point forward. Read at your own risk! ****

“I have a better idea.” You smirk, rolling yourself on top of him.

A black v neck that must belong to him, is draped loosely over your upper half. Your bottom, your panties, completely exposed. Feeling rather empowered by how sexy you look in his t-shirt, you lean down, pinning his arms where they lay above his head. You kiss him deeply, urgently. He follows your lead, giving in to your touch.

You release his hands to explore your body. He glides his fingertips over your skin, trailing his way beneath the hem of your shirt. Your body reacts, sending a wave of heat through your hips, bucking them beneath his touch. He smirks knowingly. You trail your fingers along his bare chest, feeling his nipples harden beneath your touch. He makes his way under your bra, teasing your nipples. You arch your back, throwing your head back, moaning with pleasure.

A wave of desire runs through you, as you grind against him. He grabs at your hips, using your panties as leverage, pulling you into him. You cry out, as he slips them to the side, rubbing circles on your most sensitive areas. You want him so badly it hurts. You lean forward to kiss him. He uses this as an opportunity to flip you onto your back.

Towering above you, he cradles you gently, removing his t-shirt from your body. He removes your bra with expert precision. You gaze at him lovingly, realizing he’s only wearing his boxer briefs, taught against his slender frame and unforgiving erection. You kiss him again and again, parting his lips with your tongue, drinking him in. You shudder beneath him, arms wrapped around his neck as he holds you close with one hand under your back. He removes your panties with one swift motion with the other.

You wrap your legs around his waist, pulling him flush against you, feeling the fabric restrain him beneath your touch. You hold onto him, needing to be as close to him as possible, feeling his warmth encompass you. You rock yourself forward, causing him to topple back onto the bed. You untangle yourself from him just enough to kiss your way down his chest and abs. You stop just above the elastic, pulling at it with your teeth, lapping at the skin underneath.

A strangled noise escapes him as you remove the last of his clothing. You kiss and nip at his hips before taking him into your mouth. You brush your tongue teasingly, leaving him wanting more. You feel him pulse and squirm before dragging your body flush with his. He pulls your mouth into his, open and panting, lacing his fingers through your hair. You struggle to control yourself.

Finally, you give in to your most primal desires, lowering yourself onto him, throwing your head back as a wave of pleasure consumes you. He calls your name, breathless, full of desire. His eyes burn with lust as he gazes up at you, tracing the outlines of your body, shuttering with every move.

You crash through wave after wave of needy desire. Your lips and bodies can’t get close enough. You tangle yourselves together, giving and receiving for hours on end until you feel a final crescendo of excitement consume you. You collapse in a heap, panting and out of breath. He takes you into his arms, wrapping you up tightly, kissing your cheeks and forehead over and over.

“That was…” You pant.

“Perfect. Amazing. Fantastic. Incredible” He smiles as he remembers the first time you kissed.

“Would you like me to pull up a thesaurus?” You jest.

He smiles in adoration as your lips meet once more, a life with Phil just beginning and thoughts of Jake completely gone from your mind.

“I love you.” He says breathlessly as he kisses your softly.

“I love you too, Phil.” You close your eyes and let him consume you once more.