Do Sex Toys Replace Men In The Sex Lives Of Women?

I recently had a heated debate with this guy that was hurt and offended because his girlfriend had just ordered several sex toys for herself. She had gotten a dildo, a clit sucking vibrator, a nipple sucking vibrator and a regular vibrator.

The guy was getting angry because he had not been consulted on this decision as he said and that based on his woman’s actions, it seemed like his services would no longer be needed.

“If these things will give her what she is looking for, what’s my purpose in her bed then?” He shouted at me.

His concerns had some merit to them even though I could also sense some insecurities deep down. See, the guy is dating an independent woman. Other than just the love and companionship he provides, the woman does not depend on him for any material thing. Even though he works hard on their relationship and does his best to be a man she would want to keep for the long term, he still feels he has little leverage in case she would want to replace him.

Its probably because he was socialised to be a man that provides and to capture the attention of a woman this way. And because he has not yet reconciled his socialisation with the reality and has also not tried to relearn what he was taught, this situation is an area he still struggles with.

I haven’t spoken to the woman on the matter so I do not have her perspective or her reasons behind her purchases. Also, her boyfriend told me this out of frustration and I would not go to her with it out of understanding and respect for her, her needs and her relationship.

I also understand as a woman that sexual needs and preferences change with time and the girlfriend would want to explore her body and sex using the available tools and technology. She is well within her rights to purchase whatever items she feels will help her achieve what she is looking for.

I explained this to the guy. Who agreed to disagree with me. To him, sex toys were a nuisance and a distraction. He could not understand why his woman would choose to have sex with chargeable pieces of plastic rather than more of it with him.

“Why can’t she tell me what more she wants and I’ll do it. The hell I’d rather die trying.” He lamented. “I thought I was enough. She always seems to enjoy it and then she goes and does this!”

I added salt to injury by explaining to him that most modern sex toys have different speeds and intensities and can last much longer than a man can which allows a woman to reach the satisfaction a man might never be able to give her.

He didn’t want to hear this. He also swore than under no circumstance would he ever use them on or with his woman!

I did ask him whether he had spoken to her about his concerns, but he mentioned that he was too hurt to bring up the conversation and wanted to hear another perspective before he came up with a final thought.

If he was looking for support from me, I told him that he had come to the wrong person. I was on the woman’s side. I did give him my detailed thoughts.

My thoughts

Sex toys do not replace men. As intense they may be and as long as they can last when compared to a man, there is nothing that can come close to the feeling of turning a man on and knowing that he is aroused simply because of you.

Knowing that a man desires you and would want to give you nice sweet and strong strokes is an extremely hot turn on in itself.

A sex toy will not lift a woman up and throw her on the bed. It does not have nice strong and broad shoulders that are yummy to look at and to run your fingers through. Sex toys do not have a sexy beard or a chiselled back. A sex toy will not whisper sexy and hot things to a woman’s ear. It will not erotically ask her whether she is enjoying it as it works on her. It will not touch her all over her body all at the same time and make her feel the warmth of a body. With a sex toy, you lose the skin on skin aspect.

Meeting sexual needs from a sex toy lacks the human touch. It will not laugh in case something funny goes on during sex. Nor will it apologise or compensate for it. It will not kiss and cuddle a person and provide the whole bodily comfort that makes sex fulfilling.

Sex toys are easier to replace. If it breaks down, the owner might be disappointed but they will quickly proceed to order another one if they wish so. Probably an even better model. Men and women are harder to replace. There is a period of heartbreak and processing the loss that a person goes through. Finding another person that will do the exact thing that you liked in the exact way is next to impossible.

As a sex toy is only required for a different kind of sexual pleasure, it will also not spice things up, make a nice dinner, pour a glass of wine, or bring a bowl of ice cream. Only a living breathing lover can do all these things.

No, sex toys do not replace men in the sex lives of women. They are an accompaniment. Not even the greatest sex toy that will ever be created will replace what it feels like to be made love to by a man. The warmth, the comfort, the sweetness, the feeling, the communion… It won’t even come close.

So dear man, a sex toy is not something that should threaten your masculinity and confidence. I’d suggest that even if your woman has them, you up your game enough to limit her need for them.