Confessions Of A Secret Submissive

So recently I discovered what I have always wondered about and kind of knew my whole life, and that is that I'm naturally submissive in the bedroom. I guess you could say that I'm into the whole BDSM thing. For the people who don't know, that stands for Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission, and Sadism/Masochism.

Now don't get me wrong I'm not into the extreme life of BDSM(not saying anything is wrong with people that are) at least I don't think I am. But I have to admit I do enjoy being choked, talked to very explicitly, and in some way made to feel helpless during sex. I don't know why, I can only tell you what I've discovered about myself and the way my body responds to this type of behavior in the bedroom. Regular, quiet, or as some people in the BDSM community would call it "Vanilla Sex" just doesn't give me the high that being dominated does.

So a lot of people will say " Everyone is into different things in the bedroom so what's the issue?". Well, the issue is A lot of men actually aren't into dominating a woman in the bedroom and honestly, some don't know how to. So that leaves me with the dilemma of settling for "regular sex" or stay single until I find a guy that satisfies the fetish I have. I mean sure I could tell a guy what I like in the bedroom but I've noticed in the past that when I attempted to do that it always felt too forced and I could tell he was only doing it to try and please me. Either that or they didn't feel right manhandling me or calling me out of my name, which is completely understandable. Hell, I honestly don't know why I like being called out of my name I just know it brings a wave of pleasure over me that I can't quite describe. I've only once in my life met a guy that satisfied this fetish of mine and honestly it wasn't until I met him that it confirmed my desire to submit in the bedroom and I haven't been the same since. In some ways, I hate him for it but I also can't deny the fact that I never felt completely satisfied during sex until I met him either.

I'm stuck at a crossroads not because I can't find anyone to dominate me in the bedroom... But because I'm in a 3-year relationship with a man who definitely would fall into the "Vanilla Sex" category and our sex life is almost non-existent at this point. I also feel it's entirely too late to try and introduce this to the relationship any more than I already have. I only recently discovered this somewhat "epiphany" about myself as I've been doing some introspection. I would go into detail but I may save that for another time... Bottom line, I'm up sh**s creek without a paddle. Or handcuffs...