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Concubines Of The Devil, Cauldrons, And Other Witchy Things

Also, They Sleep With Satan

By Jessica BuggPublished 3 years ago 11 min read
Concubines Of The Devil, Cauldrons, And Other Witchy Things
Photo by Miguel Gonzalez on Unsplash

Magic, witches, fear, warlocks, the witches have been portrayed as both the villain and the heroine, the bad and the good, the killer, and the healer. Witchcraft as a spiritual practice predates Christianity but you know, the victor writes history, so many of our predispositions to witches both in modern culture, film, and even history have been dictated by one key factor:

How Women Are Perceived By The Society

I do want to caveat this with the fact that the practice of witchcraft is not exclusive to one gender and many practitioners do not identify themselves as female. One of my dearest friends, Devin, is a practicing witch but is not a female nor does he identify as a female.

Witches have been depicted as evil and good. Witches have been depicted as a villain and also as a hero. One pervasive theme is overarching. How witches are viewed in the arts and culture is based on how the culture views women. The witch has been a figurative whipping boy (girl?) for cultures that fear the power and independence of women.

Today we are going to look at a brief overview of the history of witches. This is not intended to be an in-depth view but mainly to see how women were viewed impacted how witches were portrayed in different genres over time. A study in macabre feminism if you will.

Disclaimer: We will be discussing both what I refer to as the “Halloween” witch, you know the one that wears the hat, the cauldron, and the like; as well as references to actual witchcraft which is a spiritual/religious practice.

Where Did The Word Witch Come From?

The classification of witch has been in place since ancient times predating the New Testament. The word “witch” referred to a medicine woman or prophet who had the ability to heal and receive messages or prophecies. It should be noted here that because the study of medicine was so limited, most villages relied on a witch or medicine woman for everything from headaches to fertility to crop rotation.

When They Can’t Prove You Wrong, They Vilify You Instead

This author wants to pause in order to reflect upon the fact that perhaps they were feared because of their knowledge, their study of sciences, and their ability to create medicine to heal, which gave them great influence and power.

It could be posited that the powers that be saw the influence of the witches of the time and instead of seeing a positive addition to the society, I mean who doesn’t want to relieve suffering, famine, and plague? Instead viewed witches as a threat to their power over the people. I mean, who would you have followed back then? Someone in a toga saying he was anointed by the Gods who just took your money . . . or the person who came to your home and healed your dying child . . . as if by magic?

So instead of learning from these healers, power brokers of the time discredited them. Anytime a crop failed or someone died . . . it was the healer’s fault just disregard the whole time they rid the village of the plague or made sure there was enough food for the people through their knowledge. One death or crop failure you are clearly worshipping Satan and casting spells that mean doom for all of humanity. Imagine if we held our leaders to such stringent standards in modern times?

Concubines Of The Devil, Cauldrons, And Other Witchy Things

Witches were often accused of having sex with Satan. I’m not sure how many of them actually did that but if there is one thing conservative men have always feared more than witchcraft . . . it’s a sexually liberated woman. The accusation of sex with Satan was merely another method of discrediting any woman who appeared powerful, who could heal, or maybe they just liked to fuck?

Satan was the named paramour of the accused because during many historical times, superstition and other beliefs were used to explain the unexplainable . . . oh and there was no black or white with those people. If it was good, it came from God. If it was bad, it was Satan.

Satan And A Woman Could Not Be Platonic

And if a woman was smart, liked sex, and had some cash . . . that was not good. And therefore meant she had to be fucking Satan. Like Satan couldn’t just be friends? I mean they expected quite a bit out of Satan to be bedding ALL of those women back then . . . when would he have time to tempt souls and accuse the brethren? Maybe they overlooked that whole part in the Bible where it says Satan isn’t omnipresent but I digress.

The Cauldron

One of the known symbols of witches in history and modern day is the cauldron. Well guess where that whole imagery came from? A cooking pot. Most women were responsible for cooking for their households. Not all but many. A cauldron was put over a flame and food would simmer and be prepared all day. The cauldron was a symbol of “women’s work” and therefore also symbolic of witchcraft when necessary.

Black Cats

So there was this whole Bubonic plague situation that happened which scholars have attributed to being spread by rats and fleas that spread the horrific suffering disease. Most women would keep cats around to keep away rodents and other creatures from inside of the house. Oh you wanna keep disease infested rodents out of your house by having cats? Yeah clearly you are a witch . . . who is fucking Satan.

Author’s Note: fucking in the above mention is the verb fucking, meaning the act of intercourse with the Prince of Darkness; not to be misinterpreted as the adjective fucking, which in this context, would mean the woman is Satan.

The Broomstick

Women of the day were also expected to tend to the house as far as cleaning. One of those chores was tending to the threshold. Many commoners didn’t have floors like we do today and so the floor of their homes was often beds of straw or thresh. So that old saying “over the threshold” when you walk through a door? Yeah that whole saying came from the thresh that used to line and compose the flooring.

The woman of the house was responsible for the upkeep of the thresh and often used a broomstick to sweep away the debris and redistribute the thresh to make an even walking surface. So, what other symbol do we see magically materialize as witchy fodder? The broomstick. The broomstick had little to do with magic or healing and everything to do with being a symbol of femininity.

You have a broom? AND a cauldron? You clearly are not cooking and cleaning. You are a witch who is fucking Satan. The historians make no mention if the brooms and/or cauldrons were ever used in the fucking of Satan but I would like to think they would be somehow.

Why Was Fucking Satan A Bad Thing?

Also, further author’s thoughts . . . why was fucking Satan such a bad thing? Anytime I have been told not to fuck a man it’s because other women just didn’t want me to. It’s not like Satan had a low BDR which stands for Bad Dick Report and if you have a BDR is worse than having a low credit score or so the men at the cigar bar in Jax tell me.

Also, if Satan was the god of the underworld, did he even have a dick? Was the dick always hot? What if Satan wasn’t in the mood because work was stressing him out?

So many questions while researching this that I believe, my dear readers may sadly go unanswered. We may only come to our own conclusions.

So, What Happened If You Were Accused Of Being A Witch?

So here’s where the plot thickens. Back then, the village just didn’t talk shit. They would go ahead and put you on a trial. Kind of like the same trial you put your partner on when you have already gone through their phone and know they are guilty even if the only message you could find was to another female coworker from two years ago that says

“Yes, Chik-Fil-A party platters sound great for the lunch meeting on Thursday”

Clearly your man and this woman have a sordid love affair that has been repressed. That is the same level of logic that was used when putting accused witches on trial back in the day.

Side Note: No, the irony is not lost on me that I have mentioned fucking Satan in multiple parts of this piece AND threw in Chik-Fil-A. Before anyone gets things twisted here, I am Team Popeyes and I would like to give a special shoutout to Ms Mary who works at the University Blvd location and who makes everyone wait longer but me.

So Let’s Return To The Guilty Until Proven Guilty Judicial Process Of The Witch Trials

So you have a broomstick, a cauldron, a cat, and now some corn has died in the field. Could we place that on the lack of rain? Nope. Could it be we planted the corn in a spot where corn doesn’t grow? Nope. Not It. Ahh, yes, lady Mary in the third cottage from the well is clearly a witch and caused the crop to fail.

Now you’re on trial for witchcraft.

Also you are fucking Satan. I want to again, bring up the fact that if you were in fact Satan’s side chick, couldn’t he like, set your accusers on fire? Clearly you already used the power of the pussy that enraptured Satan to give you magical powers, unsure if it’s the one between your legs or the one that chases rats, to cause a crop to fail . . . or idk, people to succumb to plague . . .

I like to call bullshit on this one. No man who really thought a woman had magical powers would actually put her on trial. Men are afraid of divorce court with mortal women, so these players clearly knew these women did not possess magical powers and were looking for a scapegoat.

So once, accused, you couldn’t really even defend yourself. So what would happen is you would go on trial . . . already set to lose. Like someone who got caught with some coke but can’t afford a real defense attorney so you gotta get a public defender . . . it was that level of not getting out.

You would sit through trial and anything could be used to prove you were a witch. Got a birthmark? Yeah that was from your dalliance with Satan. You’re a witch. Float in water? Yeah you are a witch. Drown in water? Well, you weren’t a witch but were dead anyway.

Your sentence as a witch?

Being burned to death at the stake. Again, readers, we must take time to pause and reflect. If Satan rules Hell which is depicted as a place of fiery brimstone with like the flames and other aesthetics . . . and you fuck Satan . . . wouldn’t burning be like something a witch would like? These accusers really didn’t think through the plausibility of their actions. But because they possessed power to be both judge and executioner, logic was thrown out the window.

Fairy Tales Perpetuating The “Good” Virginal Princess Who Behaves As She Should While The “Evil” Sex Crazed Witch Does What The Fuck She Wants

The original purpose of fairy tales was not to entertain children and portray positive happily ever after endings . . . fairy tales were stories that were told to adults primarily that had sex, gore, violence, and some all around fucked up shit going on.

Some fairy tales, however, were morality tales, that were based upon fear and manipulating fear in order to get children as well as adults to behave accordingly. Fairy tales could also depict the ideal archetypes for what it meant to be a good man or woman and what it meant to be a bad man or woman.

Let’s look at this from a modern lens though.

Most of the witches had their own place and therefore some means of income and resources. The good princess? She lived at home with one or both parents and was being traded like cattle into marriage.

Witches were portrayed wearing makeup and elaborate clothing. Fashionistas if you will. The good princess was always depicted as more natural and demure.

Witches would display cleavage, tight clothing, and flirtatious demeanor even in modern Disney films. Princesses? Nope. They are the vanilla of the vanilla. Hey, the term “pillowtop princess” came about for a reason . . . no witch would be accused of being vanilla.

Final Thoughts:

The theme here is overarching. What makes a “good” woman or a “bad” woman and these stories were used to perpetuate an ideal of repression into the society at the time and even to our own.

Author’s Note: I hate the term “family friendly” which means you can’t do anything remarkably even close to entertaining or realistic. Family friendly is a euphemism that is used to censor behavior and thoughts that do not further the status quo.


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