Class 5 Clinger

When I first moved into my apartment, I made the most of it; it was my first time living on my own. Before, when I'd stayed with my grandma, I had maybe two sexual encounters a year - oral, mostly. Ten years of only two hookups a year is torture when you're a horny young man who just so happens to have major agoraphobia and anxiety in new places.

After my infamous three-guys-in-one-day Thanksgiving of that year, my frequent hookups started to dwindle. I was working seven days a week still at that point - even if it was only for a few hours on Mondays; I was mentally and physically exhausted. Being reunited with my cats was the best thing to happen to me in a long time, a much-needed victory. Even so, I found that when I was home after work, I got bored late at night; what better way to cure boredom than to have meaningless sexual encounters with strangers that I would never see again?

One particular night - once the temperature had dropped and snow was on the horizon - I was lying in bed scrolling through Grindr when I got a message. I looked at the profile, chewing my lip. The kid was in his early twenties; I could tell from his round face that he was heavyset - not my usual type. I didn't want to be rude and ignore his message - I try to live up to the standards that I hold others to - so I responded blandly. He took this is as a green flag and kept the conversation going, telling me that he was visiting the area and staying at the hotel in Standish. He was horny; when I found an excuse not to go see him at his hotel room - hoping he'd get the hint and find someone else - he invited himself over to my place. I wasn't exactly into it. but I couldn't think of a good reason to tell him no. As I gave him my address, I figured, with my eyes closed, a blowjob would be a blowjob and who was I to look a gift horse in the mouth?

I was smoking a cigarette in the garage - keeping an eye out for him - when my mom called me. I never know when she calls if it's just for conversation or if something has happened to my autistic brother. It turned out that she just wanted to chat; I try to talk to her whenever she calls - we live so far away from each other and are only together sporadically. I figured we could talk for a bit and then I'd let her go once my hookup arrived.

My mom was still going strong when the kid knocked on my door. I hurriedly opened the door and mouthed "It's my mom. I'm trying to wrap it up. Sorry!" as I let him in and then led him to the bedroom. I climbed into bed and watched as the kid - not morbidly obese but definitely not missing any meals - wandered around my room, looking at all of my stuff.

I told my mom I had to go take a shower, and although she said she'd let me go, started on another topic. If I had wanted him, I'd have made sure to end the conversation; I almost didn't care that I was being rude. Maybe a part of me was hoping that he'd get annoyed and leave, sparing me from what was sure to be a lackluster hookup. The kid came closer to me, looking down at me through his bespeckled eyes. I shrugged apologetically and rolled my eyes, hoping he'd get that I was in fact trying to wrap up the conversation, I pulled the phone away from my mouth and quietly said, "You can touch it if you want."

While my mom yapped in my ear, the kid climbed into the bed and started rubbing my crotch. Even though I wasn't attracted to him, my dick responded to his touch; before I knew it, he was pulling my pajama pants down and wrapping his lips around my cock. The mouth was warm and wet, but without the attraction, it didn't feel as good as it should.

I finally got my mom off the phone and closed my eyes, picturing someone attractive sucking on me. I noticed that the kid had a smell about him - not B.O. per se, but definitely a funk that I associate with bigger people.

It took a long time for me to finally cum - a side effect of not being attracted nor attached to the guy getting me off. When I finally finished, he hoisted himself up, hovering over me as if he was about to try to kiss me. I'm not big into kissing in general, let alone with someone I'm not into, so I shifted on the bed and asked, "want me to jerk you off?"

His dick was small - it would probably have been bigger if he hadn't been carrying all of the extra weight. Thankfully, it was small enough that my hand was able to make it cum quickly; I figured the quicker I got him off, the quicker he'd leave and I could crawl into the bath and try to wash the shame from my body.

After he finished, we pulled our pants back up and then he stood and started walking around again, looking at everything. I wanted to tell him to leave, to come up with some excuse why I had to get back to my life there and then, but I also didn't want to be rude; I had used the kid for his mouth, that didn't mean I had to be totally cruel to him.

He ended up walking around for at least a half hour - asking me questions about all of my things and examining everything. I'm no expert but growing up with an autistic brother and suspecting that I myself am on the spectrum, I couldn't help but think that my guest had Asperger's; it would explain the awkwardness and fascination with all of my decorations and collectibles. Even so, I had to admit that his odd behavior was making me uncomfortable; who awkwardly hung around after a hookup and went through the person's belongings like that? I should have known better than to let him invite himself over.

I tried to be as patient as I could, but after that half hour, I yawned, stretched, and said, "well, I need to take a shower and get settled in for bed...."

He immediately looked up at me, panic on his face. "You said your shower didn't work."

It was true that all I had was the clawfoot tub at that point, but a shower had sounded better than a bath.

"I meant bath," I explained, trying to lead him to the door. It was obvious that he was not getting the hint, that social cues were lost on him. I just wanted him to leave so I could relax and unwind.

"You could come back to my hotel room with me," he offered, looking at me with hopeful eyes. "You could stay the night and we could cuddle."

"I have to work in the morning," I said, the words coming out of my so quickly that if he hadn't been oblivious to my disinterest he'd have noticed that I had spoken almost before he had stopped talking.

"What time?" he asked, sending a spark of annoyance surging through me.

Why would he not just take the damn hint!? "I have to be in by, like, 9:45."

"I'll drop you off in the morning before you have to go to work."

Once again, I was trying to be nice, I didn't want him to feel like I'd used him - even though I had - but I was not about to subject myself to more of this, especially overnight. I didn't want to see him again, nor did I want to talk to him again: I just wanted him to leave.

"No, I just got my cats back after four months of being separated, I really don't want to leave them again so soon; they're still kind of skittish. I don't want them to think I'm abandoning them again."

"You could take a shower!" he responded, still trying to persuade me.

It made me feel bad knowing that he wanted more time with me so badly that he was clearly oblivious to how uncomfortable and over it I was. Was it that he had a hard time with guys and so was latching on to me to fulfil that desire in him? Or did he not have any friends at all?

I moved closer to the door, pulling my jacket on against the winter chill. I figured it I went out for a cigarette, hoping he'd follow me and then maybe, just maybe he'd get the hint and leave. He followed me out, and as a I pulled a cigarette out, lit it, and took a hit, he watched me with an unreadable expression on his face.

"You smoke cigarettes?" he asked, staring at me intently.

I couldn't tell if he was disappointed, disgusted, or just plain curious. I nodded and exhaled a cloud of smoke away from him. "I've quit several times, I just always go back to it, especially when I'm stressed."

"I vape," he said, opening the door to go out to his car. I was hoping he was going to just leave, but instead, he unlocked his car, reached in, and then came back with his vape in hand. "Want to try it?"

"No, thanks." I waved it away. I am incredibly germophobic; the last thing I wanted was my mouth to be anywhere near where his mouth was. "I've heard that vaping is actually worse than cigarettes."

"I don't think that's true," he replied, hitting his vape and exhaling a cloud of flavored smoke.

"I heard that from a nurse a few years ago," I continued, pulling on my cigarette.

He was quiet for a few seconds before he turned to me again. "So, you're coming back to the hotel with me, right?"

"No," I said, trying very hard to keep the irritation out of my voice. "I'm going to stay here with the cats. They're still adjusting to the new place; they need me."

"But you can shower!" he said again, as if that would magically make me change my mind.

"I appreciate the offer - and a shower does sound lovely - but like I said, the kitties are still getting used to the place and I'm afraid if I leave them overnight, they'll think I'm leaving them for longer again. I don't want to do that to them; we're quite codependent."

I was worried he'd get mad - or forceful - but thankfully he shrugged and seemed to accept my answer. "I just wanted to cuddle with you."

"I know. It's just...bad timing," I lied, keeping my voice soft and gentle.

"I'm leaving tomorrow to go back home; can we hang out the next time I'm up this way?"

"Uh..." I hit the cigarette again to come up with an answer that didn't piss him off or hurt him but was vague enough to get me out of it. "We can try. Like I said, I'm working seven days a week right now; I'm exhausted. You can try to hit me up and see if I'm free, but chances are I won't be. I don't know when I'll get some actual time off."

"I'll message you," he said, nodding aggressively. He opened the door and stepped outside. "Talk soon?"

"Yeah, okay," I said, mustering up a smile. Just get him out the door. Once he's outside, lock the door and go inside.

As soon as he got in his car, I pulled the door tightly closed - making sure it was latched - and turned the light out. I stumbled in the darkness back into the apartment and locked that door behind me as well. I didn't think the kid was dangerous in any way, but I certainly didn't want to see or talk to him anymore.

When I woke up the following morning, I saw that I had a message from him on Grindr. Hey. While my manners pressured me to reply, I also realized that if I kept the conversation going - however sparingly - the kid would continue to think that I liked him and wanted to talk to him. I ignored his message and got out of bed to get ready for my day.

After a month or so, I saw him on the grid again. I made sure to block him before he had a chance to message me; I took the coward's way out. I'm not great at being genuinely mean to people, after all, I know what it's like to feel alone and misunderstood. I never want to make someone feel that way; it wasn't his fault that he was unattractive, clingy, and autistic as fuck.

Going forward, I've tried to set more boundaries for myself, to not allow guilt or not wanting to hurt someone's feelings to make me hookup with guys I'm not into. The way I see it, the sexual experience is mine as well, so don't I have a right to enjoy it as much as possible?

I hope that kid - I don't remember his name - was able to find someone; he had seemed nice enough, but there was no way that we were at all compatible. I'd like to think that he forgot all about me - didn't notice that I blocked him - while I was actually rejecting him, I didn't want him to know that I was. The way my luck goes, he's probably in a happy, committed relationship, living his best life while I'm simply surviving, too focused on making it through each day to give much time or effort to finding love. One day, everything will align for me - I believe that - the problem is that in the meantime, everything is so hazy and dark. It's hard to keep that hope alive.